Growing Up Jokes

Obama smoked weed growing up, and now look where he is today Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted

When she was growing up, everybody laughed when Amy Schumer said she wanted to be a comedian... Nobody's laughing now.

When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject... These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

My son asked me today, "Dad, what music did you like growing up?" "Led Zeppelin," I replied.

"Who?" he said.

"Yeah, I liked them too."

I was so poor growing up, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper… Now those days are behind me…

Obama smoked weed growing up and look where he is today Unemployed, with two kids and recently evicted

Growing up my mom told me... I could be anybody I wanted to. Turns out this is called identity theft.

I'm not racist my best friend growing up was black Until my dad sold him

When Amy Schumer was growing up, everybody laughed when she said she wanted to be a comedian... Nobody is laughing now

When she was growing up, everybody laughed when Amy Schumer said that she wanted to be a comedian. Nobody is laughing now...

Growing up we were so poor We had to play Dungeons OR Dragons.

I had an imaginary friend growing up...he was an alcoholic. I called him Dad.

My parents never let me listen to classical or jazz music growing up. Too much sax and violens.

When Amy Schumer was growing up and she told people that she wanted to be a comedian, people laughed at her. No one is laughing now.

When I was growing up my parents used to tell me that I can be anyone I wanted. Now the police call that Identity theft.

Growing up, I was so bright my mom called me Sun.

Growing up my father told me to "only trust a man as far as you can throw him." That's why I trust babies so much.

Our family was so poor when I was growing up If I hadn’t been a boy, I’d have had nothing to play with

I was really poor growing up. If I hadn’t been born a boy I’d have had nothing to play with.

My Indian engineering teacher told us this today Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."

I'm writing a book about my time growing up as a shy young boy with irritable bowel syndrome... ... i've decided to call it 'Diarrhoea Of A Wimpy Kid'

I was homeschooled growing up but I don't like to tell people that. What I do like to tell people is that my high school teacher used to let me put her nipples in my mouth.

Growing up, it always my childhood dream to study populations... ...then I came to my census

Growing up my mom was always like, "Why can't you be more like the kids next door!" And I always responded, "But we live next to an abortion clinic?!"

My car broke down the other day and I tried to remember everything my dad taught me growing up all I knew was “point the flashlight there”.

When Amy Schumer was growing up, everybody would laugh when she said she wanted to be a comedian Nobody laughs anymore

Growing up in the film industry, Harvey Weinstein was a huge influence for me. He really touched me.

A young boy is listening to the radio in the car with his father. “Dad, what music did you like growing up?” “I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin,” the father replies.

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“Who?” the son asks.

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“Yeah,” the dad responds, “I liked them too.”

Growing up, whenever I told my father, 'It's really nice out!'... He'd reply, 'Yeah, I had it out a minute ago, I thought it was great, too!'

And so went my childhood...

Growing up in poverty, my mom was a lot like my anti-depressants... Neither of them really worked.

Me and my friend used to like playing war growing up one day i went to his parents house and told them their son died

When i was growing up, i was so poor That if I didn't wake up with an erection, I'd have nothing to play with

Growing up, the family next door were all giants. I always looked up to them, but for some reason they always looked down on us.

My siblings and I were home schooled growing up. People always ask how my girlfriend and I met. I tell them we were high school sweethearts.

When she was growing up, everybody laughed when Amy Schumer said she wanted to be a comedian. Nobody is laughing now.

Growing up, my dad hated cigarettes so much, He would burn them every time he saw one.

Did you know that Harry Houdini struggled mightily with acne growing up? His skin was always breaking out.

Growing up people told me I'd never get a girlfriend playing video games. But my Tindering abilities wouldn't be what they are without learning to fly in Mario 3.

My parents were always putting words in my mouth growing up, I will never eat alphabet soup again