Hilarious Hanging Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Hanging Jokes

Score: 6706

Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five? Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

Score: 4749

I don't understand why everyone thinks the KKK are racist. Every week at our meetings there's always tons of black people hanging around.

Score: 3116

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

Edit: Front page! Hi mom.

Thanks for the gold you amazing stranger, you.

Score: 2751

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

Score: 1707

As the judge sentenced me to death, I tried to offer him a high five. But he left me hanging.

Score: 1147

Never try to hi-five Logan Paul You won't be the first person he's left hanging.

Score: 1137

I'm in the middle of hanging myself. The suspense is killing me.

Score: 584

My ex-girlfriend says she has a stalker. I have to say I'm surprised. In all the time I've spent hanging around her house, hiding in the bushes, watching her come and go...I've never seen any signs of a stalker.

Score: 518

My ex is like the Mona Lisa It's not that she is pretty or anything, but I would be ecstatic if I came home to find her hanging in the living room

Score: 505

Two toothpicks are hanging out in a forest, ... when all of a sudden they see a hedgehog passing by. So, one of them shrugs and goes like, "Hm, I didn't even know they had public transportation here."

[my gf's fav joke, literal translation from German]

Score: 500

Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five? ..Because Logan left him hanging.

Score: 246

What did the two suicidal people say to each other? nothing..... they where just hanging....

Score: 198

Why didn't blacks in 1850 give high-fives? Because everyone always left them hanging!

Score: 191

A man was sentenced to death, but wasn't told how they'll kill him. Needless to say, they left him hanging.

Score: 163

There was a man on a stool with a rope around his neck. He said he'll kill himself if i didnt give him a high-five. Of course i left him hanging.

Score: 156

I like my women how I like my light bulbs... Not too bright, easy to turn on and hanging from electrical wire in my basement.

Score: 136

I was fed up with life and tried hanging myself from the side of a cliff, but I failed. Now I'm just a cliffhanger and the suspense is killing me.

Score: 132

I like my women like I like my grenades Hanging around my belt and ready to blow.

Score: 131

Hanging a Beggar is good in theory, but... Is actually just Poor Execution

Score: 130

Why didn’t the Japanese man get a high five? Logan Paul left him hanging.

Score: 125

What do you do when your suicidal friend asks for a hi-five? You leave him hanging....

Score: 107

Two windmills were hanging out in a field. One windmill asked the other, “what type of music do you like?” The other responded, “I’m a huge metal fan.”

Score: 107

What happened to the suicidal guy who wanted a high five? he was left hanging.

Score: 103

Two nuts were hanging out in a tree. One slipped and started to fall. The other one said “Don’t worry man, I’m a cashew”

Score: 98

I just read North Korea sentenced Trump to death by hanging for calling Kim Jong-un 'short and fat'. Fake Noose?

Score: 93

My ex is like the Mona Lisa It’s not that she is pretty or anything, but I would be overjoyed if I came home to find her hanging in the living room.

Score: 87

Manafort and Cohen flip on the President. Trump is convicted of treason. He is 'hung by the neck until dead.' Miraculously, minutes after his hanging, he walks out of the gallows and addresses the press: "Fake noose, folks."

Score: 79

Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver? He always leaves you hanging

Score: 76

So I was sentenced to death by hanging... but my execution is being suspended temporarily.

Score: 59

I just found out my girlfriend faked her suicide. Not a nice way to leave me hanging.

Score: 48

Thor: Brother! What are you doing this weekend? Loki: nothing, just hanging out

Thor: oh sweet! that sounds...

Loki: no

Thor: low key

Score: 41

You should never give an executioner a high five... They will always leave you hanging

Score: 28

I returned from court to see 'Welcome home dad' hanging over the foyer.. It was a suspended sentence

Score: 25

Two atoms were hanging out... One atom says to the other "I am about to lose an electron!"

The other atom asks "Are you sure?"

The first repies "I am positive."

Score: 21

Why didn't Aaron Hernandez ever tell us why he threw away his career for a life of crime? He wanted to leave us hanging.

Score: 21

Two snakes are hanging out, when one asks the other... "Hey, are we venomous?"

The other snake replies, "I'm not sure."

"Well I hope not," the first snake says, "cus I just bit my tongue."

Score: 18

What's colored and looks good hanging from a tree... Christmas ornaments.

Score: 15

A man tells a butcher “I bet you 1,000 dollars that you can’t reach up and touch your that beef hanging up there” The butcher replies, “I’m not betting that, the stakes are too high”

Score: 12

Why can't President Trump bring back hanging? Because of all the fake noose.

Score: 10

New Hanging Jokes

What do you call a man hanging from a wall? Art! What do you call a man with no arms or legs who's in the sea? 911

Score: 2

What did Bob say to his suicidal friend? Nothing, he just left him hanging.

Score: 2

Why did the Japanese man not get a high five Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

Score: 4

Never try to high five a prison guard They will leave you hanging

Score: 5

What do you call 2 men with no arms and no legs hanging above your window? Curt n’ Rod

Score: 4

Never high five jake Paul He leaves Asians hanging.

Score: 3

What's the difference between black people today and black people in the 1800s? While one is hanging out at the bar the other one is hanging

Score: 2

Why does the hangman never high five people? It's his job to leave them hanging.

Score: 7

Why do you always high five the emo kid? You can't leave them hanging...

Score: 8

I remember having this delicious bag of nuts But with aging, they’re just barely hanging in there.

Score: 2

Why doesn't Logan Paul high five Ricegum? Because he leaves asians hanging

Score: 6

Why did the Japanese man not get a high five? Logan Paul left him hanging.

Score: 2

If you go to a friends house and they have a giant banner of the Soviet Union hanging in their room That should be a red flag

Score: 4

A pirate walks into a psychiatrists office... With a ships wheel hanging out of his pants zipper. The doctor says, "do you know you have a ships wheel there?"

The pirate replies, "Ayy and it's driving me nuts!"

Score: 2

So Saddam Hussein was trying to give George Bush a high-five... But George Bush left him hanging.

Score: 3

What do you call two people hanging around musicians? Singer and basist

Score: 1

My buddy took some amazing pictures of himself with a cigar, hanging out in a funhouse. When I asked him how he did it, he said "It's all Smoke and Mirrors".

Score: 3

I bumped into two average Joes hanging out together, so I booked it the opposite direction... ... pair-a-normal activity freaks me out.

Score: 2

What do cannibals on death row get for their final meal? They get whatevers hanging around.

Score: 3

I read a suspense novel about suicide. The ending really left me hanging.

Score: 7

My wife asked, if the Cinnamon Toast Crunch guys are cannibals why do they keep hanging out together... I said, I think it's the same guy eating all the other Crunch guys, he's a cereal killer.

Score: 2

What do you call two guys with no arms or legs hanging from your wall? Kurt and Rod

Score: 5

I'm afraid my ceiling fan is going to fall down on me. Yeah, it's really been hanging over my head lately.

Score: 3

"Honestly son, it's all about separation of the whites and the colored with some strategic hanging thrown in... Other than that, there's not really much more I can teach you about doing laundry."

Score: 4

Was feeling pretty down in the dumps earlier and tried hanging myself with bungee cords Kept almost dying

Score: 2

I saw some leeches on a running elk. They were hanging on for deer life.

Score: 10

Two elks ran past me and I saw some leeches on their bodies. They were hanging on for deer life.

Score: 4

What do you call twin boys with no arms and no legs hanging from a window? Kurt and Rod

Score: 7

I want a job hanging mirrors.. I could really see myself doing it

Score: 10

Olive joke A green olive and a black olive are hanging out, doing what olives do, going to the Olive Garden.

On the way out, the green olive trips and falls. The black olive is like OMG are you okay?

The green olive says yeah, olive

Score: 5

Justin Bieber was caught hanging out around Selena Gomez's house. Trespassito.

Score: 3

I love hanging out with my African friend We kind of just click

Score: 6

Two snakes are hanging out, when one asks the other, "Hey, are we venomous?" The other snake replies, "I'm not sure."
"Well I hope not," the first snake says, "because I just bit my tongue."

Score: 9

A tough looking guy walks into a bar with some jumper cables hanging around his neck... ...The bar tender looks at the guy and says, "you can stay, but don't start anything!"

Score: 1

My land lord stole all my cloth hanging clips She is a cliptomaniac.

Score: 7

What do you call a guy who's always hanging around ball rooms? Sean de Lir

Score: 3

Why do abcdefghijklmopqrstuvwxy & z hate hanging out with the letter n? Because n always has to be the center of attention.

Score: 1

I Had a Friend on Death Row The other day I visited him to ask him "How's it hanging?"

Score: 2

What's black, burnt and hanging from the ceiling? A blonde electrician

Score: 8

I really like hanging out with my midget and dwarf friends. They're all such down to earth people.

Score: 2

I'm starting to worry about my suicidal friend But I'm sure he's hanging around somewhere

Score: 8

Aaron Hernandez once tried to give me a high-five... But I left him hanging

Score: 3

Do you want my Aaron Hernandez jersey? Its hanging in my closet.

Score: 3

Aaron Hernandez is going to be a steal in everyone's fantasy draft this year Experts are saying that he'll probably be hanging around and available in the late rounds.

Score: 2

Why was the bed sheet a Patriots fan? It spent a lot of time hanging around Aaron Hernandez

Score: 1

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. On hat said to the other: you stay here; I'll go on a head.

Score: 6

Dad joke for Australians Did you hear about the hipster swagman?

He was hanging out under the shade of abah tree before it was cool.

Score: 2

Two windmills were hanging out in a farm… Two windmills were hanging out in a farm...

Windmill 1: What kind of music do you like?

Windmill 2: Oh, I'm a big metal fan!

Score: 1

What was the best part of the 2000 election for Nice Guys? Hanging Chads

Score: 1

A friend of mine killed a lion on a safari.... ...and instead of hanging the head on a mantle he hung its behind. He asked me what I think and I replied "I think it's a catastrophe."

Score: 1

I like my woman like how I like my bears Skinned and hanging from the mantlepiece.

Score: 3

I went to see a hanging race today It was a close match, the two contestants were tied neck and neck

Score: 3

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? Art.

Score: 4

What do a racist and an apple have in common? They both look good hanging from a tree

Score: 4

Two guys are hanging out after a work out... ...one turns to the other and says, "Hey man, wanna make a protein shake?"

The other guy says, "Sorry bro, I'm all out of protein powder"

The first guy is shocked and says, "No Whey"

Score: 1

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel hanging from his crotch... The bartender asks, "What's that hangin' off ye?"

The pirate responds, "arrr! I've no idea, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

Score: 8

Why are black people afraid of high fives? They don't want to be left hanging

Score: 6

My grandma speaks Spanish and it's hard to understand what she is saying so I've decided to read her body language... But the only thing I've been able to come up with, is that she wants to go back to Mexico, because everything is hanging south.

Score: 1

How do you stop black kids from hanging around outside your house? You cut them down.

Score: 3

What do you call a man with no arms or legs lying on the floor? Matt.

What do you call him when he's swimming in the pool?

Bob.

Hanging on the wall?

Art.

Score: 5