Hilarious Hat Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Hat Jokes

I went trick or treating as Gandhi and kept all of my candy in a hat And when someone tried to take the candy from my hat i told them "My hat my candy"

Score: 2730

The p‌‌olice c‌‌alled t‌‌o t‌‌ell m‌‌e t‌‌hat m‌‌y w‌‌ife w‌‌as i‌‌n t‌‌he h‌‌ospital. "How i‌‌s s‌‌he?", I‌‌ a‌‌sked.

"Very c‌‌ritical", r‌‌eplied t‌‌he o‌‌fficer.

"The f‌‌uck i‌‌s s‌‌he c‌‌omplaining a‌‌bout n‌‌ow?"

Score: 1168

What did the bra say to the hat? You go on a head, I'll give these two a lift

Score: 855

My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.

Score: 815

What does the bra say to the hat? You go on a head, I'll give these two a lift.

Score: 394

What did the Bra say to the Hat? You go on ahead, I'll give these 2 a lift.

Score: 363

I kept pulling the string from my Christmas hat and now its half the size Oops, wrong thread

Score: 334

What did the Bra say to the Hat? You go on ahead while i give these two a lift.

Score: 325

Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over? That makes it cap sized

Score: 299

What did the bra say to the hat? "You go on ahead, I gotta give these two a lift."

Score: 240

What did the bra say to the hat? You go on ahead. I'll give these two a lift.

Edit: Someone didn't like the word guys in it

Score: 207

Did you hear about the cowboy who wore a hat made of paper towels? He had a bounty on his head.

...I'll see myself out. :-/

Score: 198

Score: 187

How did they name Canada? They picked letters out of a hat: C eh, N eh, D eh.

Score: 131

It's been a bit of a strange day... First I found a hat full of money... Then I got
chased down the road by an angry man with a
guitar?

Score: 121

What did the bra said to the hat? You go on ahead, I’ll give these two a lift!

Score: 120

What do you call a lion with a fancy hat? A dandy lion.

Score: 111

I found a hat with £17.50 in it I thought this other lad was going to pick it up.

But he was to busy juggling.

Score: 100

Why couldnt the laptop take off his hat? He had caps lock on.

Score: 89

Did you know? If you put a hard hat up to your ear... ...you can hear the OSHA

Score: 88

What do you call a gold fish wearing a top-hat? Sofishticated

Score: 86

A hat and a tie are out running The tie gets tired and says he needs a break.
The hat replies "Don't worry. You hang around and I'll go on ahead."

Score: 86

Her: Wow, you know all the right moves in bed. How's about a second go but this time lose the hat Ratatouille's Remy hiding in my hair: Tell her your head is cold

Score: 81

Today was a weird day First I found a hat full of money, and then a man with gitar followed me the rest of the day

Score: 80

I've been feeling down, so I bought some new socks Cause you know what they say:
A hat warms the head
A coat warms the body
But socks warm the sole.

Score: 76

I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though the wife thinks it's weird.... I don't see why, I think it makes a great hat!

Score: 75

It's been a strange sort of day. First I found a hat full of money... and then I was chased by an angry weirdo with a guitar.

Score: 75

On Halloween, a little boy dressed as a pirate. He went up to a house and rang the doorbell. A man answered and said, "Well I'll be, a pirate! But where are your buccaneers?
The little boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."

Score: 63

A tomato; a tap and a hat were having a race... the tap was running but the hat was on ahead while the tomato couldn't ketchup.

Score: 62

If you turn a boat over you can wear it as a hat It’s capsized

Score: 55

What's the difference between United Airlines and a magician's hat? You can't pull a live rabbit out of a United jet.

Score: 31

A man walks into a bar... ...wearing a hard hat and overalls, carrying a pickaxe in one hand and a lantern in the other. He sits down on a stool and orders a beer. The bartender takes one look at him and says:

"We don't serve miners here."

Score: 14

Why’s billy in the hospital? “Well he said the only food that could make you cry was an onion..”

“And?”

“So, I threw a watermelon hat his head”

Score: 11

What happens if u throw a purple hat in the black sea? It gets wet.

Score: 11

Why does the KKK wear those pointy hats? White Wizard Hat: +10 to racist spells, -15 to black magic. It's all about the stats, man.

Score: 11

I started a new job as a miner last week. I had to quit because whenever I put my mining hat on I felt light-headed.

Score: 9

The hat said to the scarf... you hang around and I'll go on ahead.

Score: 8

Another from my 25+ year old joke book... Girl 1: Whenever I'm down in the dumps I get a new hat.

Girl 2: Oh, that's where you get them!

Score: 7

A man was walking alone on a beach when he came across a pirate. The pirate asked him “where are your buccaneers matey?”. So the man replied: “Under my buccan hat”

Score: 7

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. On hat said to the other: you stay here; I'll go on a head.

Score: 6

New Hat Jokes

A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was more polite... Skinny guy : I am more polite as I always tip my hat to ladies.

Fat guy : I am more courteous because, whenever I get up and offer my seat, 2 ladies can sit

Score: 2

Just realised if you’re born legs first you wear your mum as a hat for a little bit! How is everyone anyways?

Score: 0

Some random dude bodyslammed me at a rave and almost broke my back He was angry that I didn't take my hat off when 009 Sound System's Dreamscape started playing.

Score: 1

A Hindu walks into a bar and sees a man with a turban on "Sikh hat bro, where can I get one?"

Score: 3

How did they decide on the spelling of Canada? They pulled letters out of a hat

"C", eh?
"N", eh?
"D", eh?

Score: 1

What's the difference between a bald englishman and a bald scotsman? The englishman buys himself a hat while the scotsman sells his comb.

Score: 1

What happens when you throw a red hat into the black sea? It gets wet!

Score: 1

I was sitting at the park with a friend when a man walked by... He had on a black hat and a black robe. His sideburns were curly and his beard was long.

My friend said "That guy is Jewish"

I thought "He looks 100% to me"

Score: 1

What do you call a hat with no legs? Handicap

Score: 4

Little Johnny goes Trick or Treating as a pirate... ... When he gets to the house of a kind old woman, she says "Oh don't you look fierce! But tell me, where are your buccaneers?"

Johnny replies "Under my bucking hat, where else would they be?!?"

Score: 2

How did Canada get its name? It pulled out letters from a hat.

C eh , N eh, D eh.

Score: 1

Where does the Pirate keep his buccaneers? Under his buccan-hat.

Score: 6

What do you call a holding cell for a hat? Fedoral prison

Score: 1

What did one hat say to the other? You go on ahead

Score: 3

Ed Sheeran walks into a doctor’s office wearing a top hat. He takes off the hat and he’s got a big toad stuck to his head.
The doctor says, “Well, I can see why you wore the hat…”
The toad says, “I know, right?”

Score: 1

How did Canada get it’s name? Well three Canadian men decided to put a bunch of letters in a hat. They each picked out one letter and proceeded to say what they got...
Canadian1: I got C eh
Canadian2: I got N eh
Canadian3: I got d eh

Score: 3

The hat said to the necktie... You can hang around. But, I'm going on a head.

Score: 2

Militant feminists, I take my hat off to them.. They don't like that

Score: 1

What do you call an Indian butler? Ma hat Ma coat

Score: 1

The store I work at received a bunch of baseball caps with Pikachu on them. My manager held one up and said, "You know what would happen if you put this on?" "You'd look like an Ash hat!"

Score: 1

I take my hat off to people with alopecia. Because they need it more than me.

Score: 1

You know what happens when you put a hard hat up to your ear? You hear the OSHA.

Score: 2

Three men walk in to a bar. One of them is wearing a hat Oops!

Your current data plan doesnt cover this feature. Click here to upgrade.

Score: 4

Why was the dog wearing a construction hat? His speciality is roofing.

Score: 4

An ice cube decided to wear a new hat A nice man saw this, and said to the ice cube: "Looking solid, dude!"

The ice cube absolutely melted at this sweet compliment.

Now he's looking liquid, dude.

Score: 2

"Why do Jewish men wear yamakas?" "Half a hat, saves money."

#OldWhiteManSays

Score: 4

To name Canada, they just pulled letters out of a hat. C eh,

N eh,

D eh.

Score: 3

A black guy and an asian guy walks into a bar after a lincoln costume party. The black guy hurt his head and the asian got his hat knocked off.

Score: 2

What do you call an awesome hat that watches people work? A supervisor.

Score: 2

My bragging friend My friend bragged that his dad had a hat of Lincoln and sword of Washington. But I told him my dad has an Adam's apple.

Score: 1

The magician then performed a hat trick. Nobody had expected him to be that great a bowler though.

Score: 4

Pop music is like a party hat Classic and fun, but you look like a douche if you put it on in the car.

Score: 1

What did the hat say to the other hat that always daydreamed? You need to snap back to reality.

Score: 3

What did one hat say to the other hat? I'll stay here, you go on a head...

Score: 4

A hat for kirk My mum wanted to knit a hat for Captain Kirk of the USS enterprise, but it is quite tricky for someone who has three ears!

His left ear, his right ear and his final front-ear.

Score: 1

What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I'm going on ahead.

Score: 2

Last month I lost my camouflage hat... I'm not sure how I should feel about this

Score: 1

What's the most useful type of hat? A handy-cap

Score: 3

I saw a pirate walking down the street the other day I said to him

"that's an awesome outfit, but where are your buccaneers?"

He replied

"They're under my buckin hat!"

Score: 2

Where would you find an algebraic Sailors hat? Indice

Score: 1

If you met an eel in a top hat... ...that would be Sir Eel.

(say it out loud)

Score: 4

What's the name of the hat Jewish people are always seen wearing? Oh yeah a Yankees hat.

Score: 1

bowler hat on a donkey Do you know why it's not recommended to put a bowler hat on a donkey?
Because no one likes a smartass...

Score: 2