Hilarious High Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest High Jokes

Score: 19247

Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market? It was a Big Mcsteak

Score: 14281

Yo mama's so fat she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops

Score: 10733

I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint. He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.

Score: 10454

Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five? Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

Score: 4749

In high school some kids told me they’d give me $20 to hang out with them. Turns out it was just clique bait.

Score: 3228

It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right.... Alcohol IS a solution.

Score: 2827

Alabama changed the drinking age to 34 They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools

Score: 2703

TIL that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32. It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

Score: 2564

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap He was high on my list of priorities

Score: 2531

What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common? They both contain high amounts of trans fats.

Edit: Omg guys! I didn't expect this to take off this much, thanks guys!

Score: 1984

I used to illegally give weed to my prize winning cows, but I had to stop. The steaks were too high.

Score: 1930

I had my leg x-rayed today. The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"
By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"
The doctor replied "披萨卷2.54披萨卷"

Score: 1729

What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics? So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.

Score: 1720

I wrote the names of everyone I've de-friended onto a piece of paper. But my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint... Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.

Score: 1702

My friend used my todo list to roll a blunt He's high on my list of priorities

Score: 1652

I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food? SEIZURE SALAD.

I peed

Score: 1475

I told my wife she was applying her eyebrows too high She looked surprised.

Score: 1344

I got voted “Least Likely To Succeed” by my high school class... I hate being a teacher...

Score: 1302

As the judge sentenced me to death, I tried to offer him a high five. But he left me hanging.

Score: 1147

What would you call the Fantastic Four if Snoop Dogg joined the team? The High Five

Score: 1138

I told a girl at work she drew on her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

Score: 945

I told a girl she had drawn her eyebrows on too high... She looked surprised.

Score: 859

I told my friend she drew her eyebrows on too high... She seemed surprised.

Score: 800

We had a band in High School called 1023 Megabytes. We never made it to a gig.

Score: 742

What do you call a dictionary on drugs? High definition.

Score: 588

I bet my butcher $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said "No, the steaks are too high".

Score: 585

My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is I told him, "My door is always open".

Score: 507

Never give a Roman a high five. Or he'll give you a HIV.

Score: 503

I was voted “Least likely to Suceed” by my high school class. I hate being a teacher.

Score: 500

Everyone pees in the pool... But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.

Score: 352

How do you know if you have a high sperm count She has to chew before she can swallow

Score: 348

What do you call flying solo in the mile high club? A Hijacking.

Score: 324

"Sweetheart, I'm pregnant.", "High pregnant, I'm dad!" "Actually, you're not."

Score: 307

Why did Obi Wan Kenobi fertilize his lawn with marijuana? He wanted the high ground.

Score: 285

What's a vegan's favorite animal? A high horse

Score: 243

Where's the best place for a horse to grow up? In a stable environment.

Sorry I'm high and it just came to me.

Score: 227

Fifteen years ago I asked my high school crush out on a date, yesterday I asked her to marry me... ... She said no both times.

Score: 204

Researchers have discovered a self-sustainable utopia where the recycling rate is as high as 98% But you already know about this place. Welcome to /r/jokes.

Score: 176

"I've made a lot of sacrifices to get to where I am today," said the Aztec high priest.

Score: 173

New High Jokes

I wrote down a list of everyone I hate on a piece of paper and my roommate use it to roll his joint.... He's now high on the list of people I never want to see again

Score: 92

What happened to the suicidal guy who wanted a high five? he was left hanging.

Score: 103

I wrote down the names of everyone I hate, and my roommate used that paper to roll his joint. Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to see again.

Score: 64

Did you know the Hover Dam was supposed to be twice as tall as it is now? After some re-evaluation, they thought it would be 2 dam high.

I’ll see myself out...

Score: 50

A musician died while smoking weed from a dollar bill... At least he went out on a high note

Score: 23

The plumber found a blunt in my faucet today. No wonder my water bills are so high.

Score: 28

Police Officer: How high are you? Me: No officer, it's "Hi, how are you..?"

Score: 74

Swimming pool I was at a pool once, and the life guard yelled over to me, “HEY KID! QUIT PEEING IN THE POOL!”

I replied “Oh come on man. Everyone pees in the pool!”

“Yes, but not from the high dive!”

Score: 141

They say the average high school prom goer now spends $1000 on prom Or $2000 if you count the abortion.

Score: 107

My high school guidance counselor told me I'll always be useless So I became a guidance counselor.

Score: 57

Why do Hanzo players have such high electric bills? They never switch off.

Score: 25

Why did the pirate prefer slightly above average students? Because he always preferred the high C's

Score: 29

Why is North Korea's literacy rate so high? Because they have a supreme reader

Score: 53

You should never give an executioner a high five... They will always leave you hanging

Score: 28

In high school I was in a theatrical production about puns. It was a play on words.

Score: 41

I went cow tipping in a marijuana field The steaks were high

Score: 156

Two overachievers walk into a bar Clearly the bar wasn't set high enough.

Score: 65

I’ve searched high and low, far and wide for my wife’s killer. So far, nobody is willing to do it.

Score: 36

The murder rate among trans women of color is so high You'd think they were black guys.

Score: 45

I told my girlfriend her eyebrows were drawn on too high. She seemed surprised.

Score: 19

I smoked weed with a couple of cows near a police station. The steaks were really high.

Score: 27

Why are pirates such good singers? Because they hit the high C's.

Score: 111

My electricity bill was running suspiciously high Had the power company send someone over. He found a wire tapped into my house running to a neighbor's. Watt do you know, a Joule thief lives next to my Ohm.

Score: 56

I told my wife her she was drawing her eyebrows too high She looked surprised

Score: 72

What do you call a wheelchair-bound nun who lives high up on a mountain? A) High roller
B) Virgin mobile
C) Nun of the above

Score: 111

I tried to take some High Res pictures of my farmland and fields. They still came out pretty grainy.

Score: 123

I hate people who pretend they're of high culture when they talk about Mozart. They've probably never seen any of his paintings.

Score: 25

I might not get many upvotes for this joke about high-yield savings accounts... But it won't be for lack of interest.

Score: 77

I told my wife she'd painted her eyebrows too high this morning she looked surprised

Score: 19

I smoked weed with a couple cows near a police station a few days ago. The steaks were really high

Score: 24

If James Bond led such a high-risk lifestyle... why wasn't he James Stock?

-Caroline

Score: 20

What did the ear say after it was hit with a high frequency? It Hz.

Score: 129

how come Michael J. Fox can make such good milkshakes? because he is rich and can afford high quality ingredients!..

Score: 37

Has anybody posted any jokes about 4/20 yet? I think it's high time

Score: 19

Doctor of death! Impressively, only 2% of the people I operated on died last year. But for some reason the authorities think that’s too high for a dentist.

Score: 79

Shoutout to my teachers from high school who said I would work at McDonalds I have my first shift on Monday.

Score: 46

How many germans does it take to change a lightbulb? None.

German lightbulbs are very high quality and never break.

Score: 22

Two over-acheivers walk into a bar. Clearly the bar wasn't set high enough.

Score: 22

What is a Mexicans favorite high school sport? Cross country

Score: 115

Why shouldn't you feed marijuana to cattle? Because of the high steaks.

Score: 85

Why should you never store meat on the top shelf of the freezer? The steaks would be too high.

Score: 170

Why did Shakespeare enjoy high school? He didn't have to learn Shakespeare

Score: 19

The pollen count is so high Meth users are trying to convert their meth back to Sudafed

Score: 44

Why did Shakespeare have a great time in secondary/high school? He didn't have to read Shakespeare.

Score: 83

A policeman pulls over a man driving recklessly The policeman asks "How high are you?"

The man says "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'."

Score: 78

Why do the T-Rex often have trouble high-fiving? Because they're dead.

Score: 78

So I replaced all of the incense in the Friar's chamber with Marijuana He's a High priest now

Score: 33

I've searched high and low for my brother's killer but nobody is willing to do it.

Score: 153

If you lose one senses, your other senses become stronger. That's why people without a sense of humour have such a high sense of self importance

Score: 37

All of my friends are jealous when they find out I hooked up with my math teacher in high school But honestly, being homeschooled sucked.

Score: 24

Why can't T-Rex's High Five? Because they're all dead

Score: 166

There is only one sport in which I can get a high score. It's golf.

Score: 54

My friend shaved her eyebrows and has been drawing them on. Lately, she's been drawing them too high. When I told her, she looked surprised.

Score: 95

There was a man on a stool with a rope around his neck. He said he'll kill himself if i didnt give him a high-five. Of course i left him hanging.

Score: 156

Why did the farmer stop smoking with his cattle? Because the steaks were too high...

Score: 21

So I gave a Friar a joint.... He's a High Priest now...

Score: 19

My wife saw her ex high school boyfriend, drunk in the street. She said he started drinking when she broke up with him after graduation decades ago. I said.... ....Impressive. .. I've never seen anyone celebrate that long before.

Score: 131

Classroom Nerd (In a high school class room)

Girl: Do you see that F@#$ING nerd over there.
Teacher: Don't be so mean, he could be your boss one day.
Nerd: Sorry I don't plan on being a pimp

Score: 31

Why can't short people cook? Because the steaks are too high.

Score: 53

Heard this from my History Professor. Ronald Reagan had such high regard for the office of President that his jacket was never off.

Bill Clinton had such high regard for the office of President that his pants were never on.

Score: 18