Hilarious Homeless Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Homeless Jokes

Whenever a homeless person asks me for money, I admit my first thought is always, "This money's just going to get spent on booze or drugs." That's why I always give it to the homeless person instead.

Score: 11486

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Edit: I'm a pirate, so it works in first-person

Score: 11171

I've been dating this homeless chick for a while now and it's starting to get serious. She asked me to move out with her.

Score: 8253

I went up to this really cute homeless girl and asked if I could take her home She looked ecstatic until I picked up her box and started walking away

Score: 8109

The other day a homeless man asked me for some change so I got my wallet out and realised I only had a £20 note I thought to myself, "Do I really want this money being spent on drugs?". I decided I didn't so I gave him the money

Score: 5917

Score: 2059

I saw a homeless dude and gave him 1$ I saw a homeless woman and gave her 0.77$

Score: 1916

I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!" I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."

Score: 1396

I met a pretty girl. Today i asked a pretty young homeless women if i could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.

The look on her face soon changed when i walked off with her cardboard box.

Score: 1252

2 reasons why I don't give money to homeless people. 1. They need money for drugs
2. I need money for drugs

Score: 1092

Saw a homeless man eating grass in the park... Asked him "why are you eating Grass?"

He said "I'm very hungry"

"Oh. Okay then. Come with me"

You should've seen the look on his face when I showed him my backyard.

Score: 958

I asked a pretty homeless woman... I asked a pretty homeless women if I could take her home, she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Score: 815

I asked a homeless girl if I could take her home. She smiled and said “yes!” But seemed very surprised when I took her cardboard box and walked away.

Score: 726

I asked a young pretty homeless woman if I could take her home? She smiled and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.

Score: 703

A man goes to buy a Ferrari... but he was short of $1.

He saw a homeless man and said "Can you give me a dollar, I have to buy a Ferrari."

The homeless man gave him two dollars and said "Get one for me too."

Score: 583

Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home I guess he's homeless.

Score: 524

I hate it when homeless people shake their cups of coins at me I get that you have more money than me, no need to rub it in

Score: 495

I saw this cute homeless girl on the street.. ..so I asked her if I could take her home. She smiled and said "sure", boy the look on her face when I walked off with her cardboard box...

Score: 452

Told a girl to text me when she got home. She must be homeless.

Score: 385

I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you." So I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's right.

Score: 350

Today, I gave a homeless man a watch, a phone, and $300. You won't believe how happy I felt after he put his knife back in his pocket.

Score: 337

What do you call the drummer that just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.

Score: 326

Homeless girl I asked a pretty, young, Homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.

The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Score: 320

the homeless woman I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Score: 306

I just gave a homeless guy 530 dollars and my new iPhone x He was so happy he even put his knife back in his pocket

Score: 304

I've been dating a homeless woman recently and I think it's getting serious... She's asked me to move out with her...

Score: 294

A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says "I haven't eaten in three days". She replies "where do you get the self control?"

Score: 283

i hate when homeless people shaking their cup of coins at me like yeah i know you have more money than me but you don't need to rub it in

Score: 277

The iPhone X removes the home button. Meaning you'll be homeless on several different levels.

Score: 253

What is the best thing about dating a homeless girl? You can just drop her off anywhere.

Score: 221

I told a girl to text me when she got home She must be homeless, poor thing

Score: 209

In Canada, we don't call the homeless homeless... We call them "three seasoners".

They don't make it through the fourth.

Score: 204

Saw a homeless man eating grass in the park... Asked him "Why are you eating grass?"

He said "I am very hungry."

"Oh. Okay then. Come with me."

You should've seen his face when I showed him my backyard.

**Edit**: Grammar, thanks to /u/linktothepast99

Score: 177

I hate it when homeless shake their cups with change in them I know you have more money than me, stop showing off.

Score: 148

I got $20 from a blind homeless man on the street today! He had this tin can full of money, and was just holding it in front of my face. What a friendly guy.

Score: 143

I've been dating a homeless women recently and I think it's getting serious... she asked me to move out with her.

Score: 107

What do you call two homeless people hitting eachother with cardboard? A pillow fight.

Score: 105

This homeless man had a sign that said "one day this could be you" So i put my dollar back in my pocket just in case he wasn't lying

Score: 99

Do you know whats the best thing about dating homeless girls? The fact that you can drop them off anywhere you want

Score: 96

I was walking down the road and I saw this really hot homeless girl... So I asked her if I could take her home with me. She said yes and so I took her box to my house.

Score: 90

New Homeless Jokes

Today I told my parents, I want to live alone Today I told my parents that I want to live alone

Parents : good for you

Me: yeah, your bags are outside

Help I'm homeless now

Score: 4

Van Gogh is walking down the street. A homeless man walks up to him and says,” Do you have a euro to spare ? Please I could really use it.”Van Gogh looks through his pocket and says,” I got one right ‘ere.”

Score: 7

What do a proctologist and a prostitute who's only clients are homeless people have in common? They both spend their time at work feeling up bums.

Score: 7

Whats the good side of dating a homeless person? You can drop them anywhere

Score: 5

The difference between twitch streamers and homeless pan handlers a computer

Score: 6

I’m in Ocean Beach and a homeless man just told me this joke. Why didn’t the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?

He was too far out.

Score: 19

What does a hot air balloon and a homeless person have in common No visible means of support

Score: 9

What’s the best thing about dating homeless chicks? You can drop them off anywhere.

Score: 5

Homeless people are the most persistent activists in society. Not a single day goes by without them asking for change!

Score: 53

I wish I had a home big enough for all the homeless people in my town. They wouldn't be allowed to come there. That's just how big I want my house to be.

Score: 42

Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks? You can drop them off anywhere.

Score: 34

In a progressive move, Mattel is making a new boyfriend for Barbie who's a homeless man from New Jersey Hobo Ken.

Score: 8

I hate when homeless people call me sir With all things being considered I'm at least a Duke

Score: 7

What do you call an affectionate vagrant? A homeless romantic.

Score: 4

This homeless woman had a sign that said "Homeless and pregnant" I asked her "Where did you get pregnant?"

Score: 8

There was a demonstration by homeless people in my town today. They were demanding change.

Score: 24

"What did the homeless man say to the breakdancer?" "No jumping on the bed!"

Score: 13

I try to avoid the homeless horse down the street I hear he's unstabled

Score: 22

What's the best thing about dating a homeless women? You can drop her off anywhere

Score: 4

Girlfriends are like subway seats... You don't know how many homeless guys were in them before you came along.

Score: 5

I gave my number to a girl at the club She said she'd text me when she got home...

I guess she's homeless.

Score: 11

What do you call two homeless people hitting each other with cardboard boxes? A pillow fight.

Score: 12

What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend? Homeless

Score: 18

So today I gave my watch, my phone and $500 to a homeless guy I was so happy when he put his knife back into his pocket.

Score: 5

What do you call a homeless monkey in the woodwind part of an orchestra? The oboe bonobo hobo.

Score: 5

New studies show that becoming a chef is the number one job for homeless people after re-integration into society... Many cite their strong resumes as the key to their success considering they have a lot of experience pan handling.

Score: 3

What do you call a jazz musician who doesn't have a girlfriend? A homeless person.

Score: 3

So I came home today to find a homeless guy munching biscuits over my PC cabinet. When I confronted him he said he'd clear the cookies later.

Score: 21

Dating a homeless woman is great! Whenever I take her home, I can drop her off wherever I want!

Score: 14

Why are homeless people the best spies Because they can't afford to be seen

Score: 29

Did you hear about the homeless guy who was crowded? He had no room.

Score: 3

What did the homeless guy get for christmas? Pretty hungry

Score: 41

I saw a homeless man, and I gave him $1. I saw a homeless woman, and I gave her $0.77.

Score: 23

There is this old wooden pillar in my town where all of the homeless people defecate. We call it... shitpost

Score: 6

I interviewed a homeless man, asked him where he saw himself in 5 years. I gave him points for thinking outside the box

Score: 9

The best part about having a homeless girlfriend is You can drop her anywhere!

Score: 5

There are 2 reason i don't give money to the homeless 1) They use it for drugs and alcohol
2) I need it for drugs and alcohol

Score: 7

How do you break something that's already broke? Injure a homeless person...

Score: 8

I saw two homeless people fighting with cardboard.. Must have been a pillow fight.

Score: 4

I was walking down thenstreet and saw a homeless man Being the generous person I am, I gave him a dollar

I walked a little further and found a homeless woman. Being the generous person I am, I gave her 76 cents.

Score: 23

Our local planned parenthood refuses to provide homeless women with abortions. They say beggars can't be choosers.

Score: 14

I made a homeless girl happy yesterday when I asked if I could take her home. She got less enthusiastic when I walked away with her box.

Score: 63

Dandelions are like the homeless people of the flower world. Give them a little crack and a bit of water and they can thrive anywhere.

Score: 22

What did the homeless Mexican bodybuilder say when he ran out of protein? No whey, homes.

Score: 4

What's the best part about dating a homeless man? You can drop him off anywhere

Score: 3

A drunk homeless guy wanted to fight me yesterday As soon as he kicked me and lost his shoe I could smell defeat.

Score: 33

What do you call a homeless Hitler? A roofless dictator.

Score: 88

A homeless dude in the street asked me if I had any cash. I was all good, but I think it was nice of him to offer.

Score: 3

What are you looking at when you see two homeless dudes hitting each other with bits of cardboard? A pillow fight.

Score: 9

The poster for a Homeless shelter's charity orchestra night reads... Come on down to the shelter and blow some Oboes!

Score: 3

What's the best nation in the world? A donation

(Adapted from a homeless man who sat outside my building)

Score: 3

What's the best part about dating a homeless chick? You can drop her off wherever.

Score: 3

What do you call two homeless men hitting each other with cardboard? Pillow fight

Score: 29

What did the starving, homeless couple say to the nurse outside the abortion clinic? Fetus please.

Score: 4

What did the homeless men yell when they hit each other with cardboard? Pillow fight!

Score: 32

What do you call a drummer who just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless

Score: 16

The vet determined that my horse constantly imagines himself to be homeless. He has been declared mentally unstable.

Score: 77

What is the best part of dating a homeless girl? You can drop them off anywhere.

Score: 16

why didn't the clothing drive at the homeless shelter not work out? ..nobody gave a shirt.

Score: 10

Why was the beaver homeless? He just couldn't give a dam.

Score: 36