Hilarious Hot Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Hot Jokes

My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary... Well the jokes on them – they’re imaginary too...

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I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday. That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1

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My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"

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How do you check the weight of a Red Hot Chilli Pepper? Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

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What was Icarus’ least favorite food? Hot wings.

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What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig? Ones a heated yam, and ones a yeeted ham.

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My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary. Well the jokes on them – they're imaginary too.

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My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size ... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.

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I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

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Great wine is like great jazz... It confuses me and I'm pretty sure it's all the same.

EDIT: Front page? Hot damn! Now what do I do with my life?

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I like my women like I like my microwave Hot, clean, and she'll kill any baby I put inside her.

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I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection"... But she did

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What do you call a hot chick in Boston? A tourist

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I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday. That takes the number of girls I’ve made wet this year to -1.

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A hot naked woman robbed a bank Nobody could remember her face

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I Was Sitting On A Train Next To A Hot Thai Girl I Thought To Myself, 'Please don't get an erection, Please don't get an erection'. But She Did.

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Ladies: A guide to understanding what guys say... * If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body.
* If a guy says you're pretty, he's looking at your face.
* If a guy says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother.

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I get the words 'Jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' mixed up. Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.

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I told my hot coworker how I felt and she felt the same way... So I turned on the air conditioning

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Why are redneck murders the hardest to solve? All the DNA matches and there's no dental records.

Edit: made it to the hot page, my dad would be so proud, if only he knew who i was

Score: 580

How do you check the weight of a Red Hot Chilli Pepper You give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

Score: 560

My wife's pregnant. She wondered if it's really hot in there for the baby. I said, "It's likely womb-temperature."

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Every family has that weird, slightly perverted uncle. Not me, though! I just have some really hot nieces who won't let me buy them beer.

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I'm 27, my BF is 37. Is 10 years too much of an age gap? 'cause his son is 17 and really hot.

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My 6 year old son told me this one. "What do you call a snowman that's having a threesome with two hot princesses?" I slapped my son and abruptly deleted his youtube kids app.

Score: 450

Counterfeit $1 bills reportedly found in circulation Be on the lookout for hot singles in your area.

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My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly I'm not a fan.

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There's this hot girl in my college writing class. Her body is a 10, but her intro and conclusion need some work.

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If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body. If he says you're pretty, he's looking at your face... If he says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother

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My pregnant wife asked me if I ever worried it would be too hot for the baby inside her. I said, “Nah, it’s probably womb temperature.”

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How can you tell how heavy a red hot chili pepper is? Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

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I like my women like I like my ramen noodles Hot, cheap, and Asian

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Life is like a soup Life is like a soup, you only get blown if you're hot.

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Women's Guide To Understanding Men If a guy says to you, "You're cute" - he's looking at your face.

If a guy says to you, "You're hot" - he's looking at your body.

If a guy says to you, "You're fabulous" - he's looking at your brother.

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I was relaxing in a Jacuzzi when my wife pointed a finger at me and gave me a really angry look... ... I knew I was in hot water.

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I was talking to a hot North African girl for hours. We just clicked

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I was sitting in the train and across from me was this smoking hot Thai chick "Please don't get an erection...." I thought, "please don't get an erection....".

But she did.

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Why are women like a Hurricane? They come at you all hot and wet and leave you without a house or car...

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I was walking down the road and I saw this really hot homeless girl... So I asked her if I could take her home with me. She said yes and so I took her box to my house.

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New Hot Jokes

I got mixed up between the words "Jacuzzi" and "Yakuza" Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.

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I got the words 'jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' mixed up the other day Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia

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How can you tell how heavy a red hot chili pepper is? 🌶 Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

Score: 33

What do you get if you put a coma patient in a hot bath? Vegetable soup

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I lent my umbrella to a hot girl today That brings the total number of girls I’ve made wet this year to -1!

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I once set a crippled kid on fire... I call it “Hot Wheels”

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I've been feeling really stressed lately, so my doctor advised me that before going to bed, I should drink two glasses of red wine, after a hot bath, but to be honest, it's not really helping at all... ...I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.

Score: 33

I've had this fantasy about an orgy with hot nurses that hasn't come true yet Guess I need to be patient

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Is your last name Ghandi? Because you're Mah Hot Ma

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I like my women like I like my coffee. Hot, covered in cream, and purchased from a large multinational corporation with a history of exploitation

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What does a hot air balloon and a homeless person have in common No visible means of support

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Two dragons walk into a bar, the first one says “it’s hot in here”... the other says, “shut your mouth”.

Credit to Jimmy Carr

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Old guy with his personal trainer Old Guy in the gym with a personal trainer: What machine do I use to get the hot girls?

Trainer: The ATM in the lobby!

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There was this really hot guy on the beach when I was in Mexico, so I brought him some Jewish bread. He gave me a weird look, subsequently turned me down...and I don't understand *why.*

*I just wanted to challah at a Playa.*

^I'm ^sorry

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How did the farmer plan to pick up the hot girl at the bar? A tractor

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A lot of people get all hot and bothered about euthanasia But what about youth in America???

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I stepped into my shower today only to find hot dogs coming out of the shower head My plumber calls it a "meatier shower".

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My ex girlfriend is a lot like my grill. They're both smoking hot and burned my house down.

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Are you soup? Because you're hot and I wanna blow you

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"Do Not only strike while the iron is hot, but make it hot by striking."-Oliver Cromwell Tried this on my girlfriend, now I'm going to jail.

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Why I love working out at the gym I go to! There's this hot MILF always walking around checking me out.

I love home gyms.

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Hot women and exotic cars have a lot in common! U wanna ride both but no one will let you

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I finally figured out how to get a smoking hot body Cremation.

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To whoever stole my AC window unit: Keep it. It's hot where you're going

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I like my women like I like my coffee. Hot and always in my lap.

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I like my women like I like my coffee Hot and all over my lap while driving.

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Guy goes into a deli He looks over the menu:

Ham sandwich: $5
Roast beef sandwich: $7.50
Handjob: $250

He looks at the hot blonde behind the counter and says, "who gives the handjob?"

"I do!" She says with a smile!

"Well, wash your hands and make me a ham sandwich"

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My wife's super hot friend was telling me she was having trouble getting pregnant "I wish I could help" was probably not the appropriate response

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I'm not saying it's hot in my house... ...but a hobbit just threw a ring through the front door.

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Riddle me this: What's Hot N Red, Best in Bed? A bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos cause I'm alone

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The only time I'll ever have a smoking-hot body ...is when I'm cremated

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I used to date a hot 95 pound gymnast with ADD I just realized she may be the best fidget spinner I'll ever get to play with...

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How hot is a tauntaun? Lukewarm

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What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel, and a terrier? A hot-diggity-dog!

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A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vender and says "Make me one with everything."

He then hands the vender a $20 and starts eating his hot dog. After he's done he asks the vender

"Where's my change?"

The vender replies

"Change only comes from within."

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Why did the vegetarian hot dog cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken!

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My college graduation was held inside the basketball arena and man was it hot Musta been like 5,000 degrees in there

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What do you call a hot Indian? A Bomb Bae

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How hot is the inside of a tauntaun? lukewarm

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I like my women like I like my hot tubs So hot I can only stay in them for 30 seconds

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When I was in high school, I had a girl in the back seat of my car... She confided in me, "I think you're really hot, but I've never hooked up with anyone before, and I don't know what to do."

I replied, "Me either, but don't worry. We'll finger it out."

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The following is a tourist's review of Tatooine: "I was way too hot, two stars."

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Three vampires walk into a bar. The first asks for a pint of blood.

The second asks for blood on the rocks.

The third asks for hot water and as the bartender is about to ask why the vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm just gonna have a tea."

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A man walked up to his girlfriend He said, "babe, I'm going to use all the letters from A to K to compliment you.

"You are Alluring, Beautiful, Cute, Dainty, Elegant, Fair, Gorgeous, Hot..."

He then pauses for a second.

"Why did you stop?" She asks.

"I'm Just Kidding.".

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What is hot and cold at the same time? A dead body.

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You know the worst part about getting a VPN? Hot, local singles no longer seem to want to meet me.

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My girlfriend is just like a burning hot fire You take away the oxygen and they're gone.

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What do you call Tatooine rain on a hot day? Lukewarm Skywater

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A Buddhist asks a hot dog vendor to "Make me one with everything." The Buddhist gives him a fifty and the vendor just pockets it. The Buddhist asks for change and the vendor replies, "Change comes from within."

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A Scotsman is out walking with his girlfriend. They walk by a hot dog stand, and the girl exclaims, "Mmm, that smells so good!"

"Oh," the Scotsman answers, "do you want to go walk past it again?"

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A Buddhist Monk visits a hot dog stand in New York and says "make me one with everything".

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I like my women as I like my pre-expansion universes So hot and dense that it violates the Pauli exclusion principle and demands a better understanding of the standard model

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So engineering school is really hard... I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.

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What do you call hot women in France? Tourists

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What did the people call the bad hot dog stand? The WURST!

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What do you call an attractive person in a wheel chair? Hot wheels.

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"Hey man, the hot girl from class winked at me today!" "Really, bro?"

"Yeah, with both eyes too!"

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What did Buddha say to the hot dog stand vendor? Make me one with everything

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Do blind people care if their significant others are hot? (OC?) Do blind people care if their significant others are hot?

Of course they do! They're blind, not necrophiliacs!

(Probably been done before, but I thought of it while on the toilet.)

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Why was the baseball team hot? It didn't have any fans!

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