Hilarious Hotel Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Hotel Jokes

How do you tell if OP has left the hotel? Username checks out

Score: 10186

Hitler died in 1945, Donald Trump was born in 1946... Coincidence? No.

Mystery? Maybe.

Hotel? Trivago.

Score: 9808

How do you know a redditor has left a hotel? Username checks out

Score: 9221

A photon walks into a hotel and orders a room. The bellhop asks, “Can I carry your baggage to your room for you?” The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Score: 1400

A photon checks into a hotel. A photon checks into a hotel.

\- Do you need help with your luggage, sir?

\- No, i'm travelling light.

Score: 764

A photon walks into a hotel. A photon walks into a hotel. The desk clerk says, "Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage?"
The photon says, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

Edit: Yaaaaay front page of jokes.

Score: 625

Score: 606

Why did the Native American sleep in the hotel lobby? He didn't have a reservation.

Score: 519

A guest calls the front desk of a hotel: and says my wife wants to commit suicide by jumping out of the window.

The receptionist: sir, this is a private matter. Please call the cops.

Guest: no. i need a maintenance guy. Your window doesnt open.

Score: 289

A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop says "can I take your bags?"

"No," she answers, "I'm traveling light."

*(I'm new to the community, this is best I've got, I'm sorry)*

Score: 279

A photon walks into a hotel..... ..... And is asked if he needs help with his luggage.

The photon replies, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

Score: 233

Skinny jeans are like a cheap hotel. There’s no ballroom.

Score: 193

So a photon checks into a hotel... Bellman says "Sir may I take your bags?"
Photon replies "Nah... I'm traveling light"

Score: 188

A photon checks into a hotel. He is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.

He says "No thanks. I'm travelling light".

Score: 176

Girls pants are like a cheap hotel... ... no ballroom.

Score: 163

Physics Joke A photon walks into a hotel and the bellman says "can I help you with your bags?" And the photon replies, "no it's ok, I'm traveling light."

Score: 161

What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in common? No ballroom.

Score: 158

My girlfriend is a stoner who works at a hotel fixing whatever breaks. She's kind of high maintenance.

Score: 152

Sad news for music lovers today.... Justin Bieber was found in his hotel room, alive.

Score: 135

A photon checks into a hotel... And the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies, "No, I'm traveling light."

Score: 109

A photon checks into a hotel. The bell hop asks "Do you have any luggage?"

The photon replies "No I'm traveling light."

Score: 109

A photon walks into a hotel The desk clerk says, "Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage?" The photon says, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

Score: 105

Username walks into a hotel... And asks for a room. A few days later he leaves.

I guess you could say,

Username checks out.

Score: 98

Photon A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk man asks if he has any luggage. The photon replies "No, I'm travelling light."

Score: 93

Skinny jeans are like a cheap hotel... There's no ballroom.

Score: 89

Hotel Indian. Did you hear about the Indian who had to sleep in the hotel lobby because he didn't have a reservation?

Score: 83

These pants fit like a cheap hotel... No ballroom.

Score: 82

A photon A photon checks into a hotel. The bell hop asks, “Can I help you with your luggage?” It replies, “I don’t have any, I’m traveling light.”

Score: 80

What did the regular hotel room say to the fancy hotel room Oh suite!

This was made up by my 11 year old son, I thought it was fist bump worthy.

Score: 76

Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk. Yoda: Hello, welcome, you are.

Man: Hi, I'd like to book a triplex for the weekend.

Yoda: Sorry I am, only duplex we have.

Man: Are you sure? I really need the triplex.

Yoda: There is no tri, only du.

Score: 71

I went to a hotel that had continental breakfast Unfortunately the continent was Africa so all I got was an empty plate

Score: 70

A man enters an elevator of a fine hotel and says "Ballroom please" To which the lady standing in front of him replies "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."

Score: 57

A photon walks into a hotel The clerk asks "do you have any bags we can help you with?"

Photon says "naw dawg, I'm travelin' light"

Score: 49

How do you know when you're staying in a hillbilly hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink,"
and the clerk replies, "okay, Go ahead."

Score: 23

A photon walks into a hotel and is asked if he needs help with his luggage. The photon replies "No thanks, I'm travelling light."

Score: 22

How can you tell if OP has left the hotel? Username checks out.

I'll show myself out now.

Score: 20

Did you know Auschwitz has the highest hotel rating? 1.1 million stars

Score: 17

A blonde calls the front desk of her hotel in a panic. "Help! I'm trapped in my room!" she says. "How do I get out?"

The clerk at the front desk says, "just go out the door."

"I tried," she says "but one just leads to the bathroom, and the other has a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on it!"

Score: 12

Facebook and basic cable Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.

Score: 11

What do skinny jeans and a cheap hotel have in common? No ballroom.

Score: 11

New Hotel Jokes

My wife got a job as a hotel maid, I thought I was finally gonna live out one of my fantasies... Turn down service was not exactly what I had in mind.

Score: 0

What is a Muslim's hotel of choice? The Ramada Inn

Score: 0

I went to a hotel on Friday, stayed for three nights, and came back on Friday. My horse is named Friday.

Score: 0

Some people asked me the way to the Bon Jovi concert They showed me their map and the hotel they came from on it. I said, "well, you're halfway there"

Score: 1

A photon checks in a hotel Billboy asks "do you have any luggage, sir?"
Photon replies "no, I'm travelling light"

Score: 3

A photon checks into his hotel without anything. The doorman asks, ”where’s all your luggage?”
The photon responds, “I’m travelling light.”

Score: 3

BREAKING NEWS - a prince died... ...all alone in a hotel room. Evidence suggest he had tried for 18 years to find someone to transfer his funds out of Saudi Arabia.

He was even willing to give them 20% of the share.

Score: 1

What hotel does Putin prefer? The Ritz.

Score: 2

Lil Jon spent the night at a hotel The next morning as he is exiting the room, a maid asks him, “Excuse me, would you like turn down service?”

Lil Jon replies, “Turn down? For what?”

Score: 2

What hotel has the highest rating? Auschwitz, it has 1 million stars

Score: 1

What do a homeless Native American and a hotel with no business have in common? No reservations.

Score: 1

I stayed a Trump hotel the other day Ironically the ICE machine was broken

Score: 2

What hotel did Blockbuster rent for their corporate retreats? Hotel Rewind-a.

Score: 2

I asked the hotel checkout girl, "Do you provide turndown service?" She said, "Sure. I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last guy on earth after the zombie apocalypse and your saliva contained the antidote."

Score: 3

A photon checks into a hotel and the bellboy asks if he can take his luggage, the photon says Na, I'm traveling light

Score: 4

Why did Hurricane Irma miss Mar-a-Lago? Because as nice as it would have been for a woman to destroy trump's hotel, it'll be even more poetic if it's destroyed by Jose.

Should have built that sea wall afterall.

Score: 1

A photon walks into a hotel A photon walks into a hotel. The desk clerk says, "Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage?" The photon says, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

Score: 8

What did the businessman say when he woke up in a hotel room Monday morning next to two prostitutes? Hi ho. Hi ho. It's off to work I go.

Score: 4

Just a final check before I head off for my vacation Passport? Check

Money? Check

Itinerary? Check

Luggage? Check

Hotel? Trivago

Score: 1

Hotel Rwanda got a 90% rating on Rotten Tomatoes... But their rating on Yelp was terrible.

Score: 1

I woke up in the hotel and the housekeeper was banging on the door... finally, I had to get up and let her out.

Score: 3

How do you get a hotel room in Prague? You Czech in.

Score: 1

Leon Trotsky asks a travel agent if they have any hotel rooms in Mexico. The travel agent responded by saying that Mexico would be a very ice pick.

Score: 8

A username walks to the reception desk of a hotel after staying there a few days. And it checks out.

Score: 3

Hitler died in 1945. Trump was born in 1946.

Coincidence? Maybe

History? Yes

Hotel? Trivago

Score: 1

Why is Excel like a hotel maid? They both spread sheets.

Score: 6

A man enters an elevator of a fine hotel... And says "ballroom please"

To which the lady in front of him replies "I'm sorry I didn't realise I was crowding you"

Score: 2

Putin on the Ritz It is not the Best Western hotel.

Score: 1

A frantic husband calls down to the hotel's front desk. My wife is trying to commit suicide! Quick! Send help! We will send a doctor right away!

- No, no, send a handyman, the window won't open!

Score: 1

BREAKING NEWS: Comey caught promoting possible Trump hotel merger After being fired Comey stated, "You won't be calling it The Watergate for much longer"

Score: 2

French Pepper A french guest was in a hotel. He phoned room service for some pepper.
"Black pepper or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
"toilet pepper!"

Score: 3

A beautiful girl who was staying in the hotel, puts her finger on hotel manager's lips Manager smiles, kisses each finger one by one..

Girl: U liked it ?

Manager: Oh yeah !!

Girl: Now go and tell your boss that there is no tissue in the toilet !!

Score: 2

A photon checks into a hotel... ... and is asked "Do you have any luggage?".

The photon replies, "No, I'm travelling light."

Score: 8

I'm in a hotel room and call down to the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in the sink..." The guy answers, "Go ahead, the customer's always right..."

- H. Youngman

Score: 5

what do you call it when your side chick tattles on you? A Hotel.

Score: 10

Why did the kaiju eat almost an entire hotel, except for the top three floors? His doctor told him to cut down on suites.

Score: 3

A photon checks in to a hotel.... The front desk asks if he needs help with his luggage, to which the photon replies, "No, I'm traveling light".

Score: 4

My brother got sent to jail He wasn't taking it very well, and got quite angry. He started destroying houses in my street and finally stopped when he got to the hotel.

That's the last time I play monopoly with him.

Score: 3

I found the perfect hotel between a Motel 6 and a Super 8. It's called the Meaty Inn.

Score: 2

In honor of International Women's Day, I'm offering free breast exams in my hotel room tonight!

Score: 2

So I'm in my hotel room, it's the middle of the afternoon, I'm completely naked—and the maid walks in ...finally.

Score: 10