Instagram Jokes

I was at an important job interview today, when they asked me if I was on Facebook… "Sorry, no. I'm not." I replied.

"Twitter?"

"Nope."

"Instagram?"

"Nah."

"Look, just put your phone away, will you!?"

I'm gonna start a cocaine delivery service I'll call it instagram

My girlfriend's gynaecologist followed her on Instagram yesterday. I really don't know what else he wants to see.

Snoop Dogg seems to be investing in a company that will deliver weed to your house in 10 minutes... Sadly, the name Instagram is taken.

What's the difference between a hipster and a homeless man? An Instagram account.

Broke my finger today. But on the other hand, I'm fine!


(credit to @dadsaysjokes on instagram)

Why did the creepy hipster get arrested? because he was following people before instagram

I put my Grandma on speed dial.. I call that Instagram

What do they call a grandma who’s quick to respond? ...an InstaGram.

What do you call it when you put your grandma on speed dial? Instagram

How much does a hipster weigh? an instagram

A Instagram user walks into a bar... A Instagram user walks into a #bar #pub #brewery #happyhour #bigplace #beer #night #party #fun #photography #conceptual #art #drink #peperoni #olives #lights #table #chair #followme

I got banned from Instagram for posting food pictures Apparently they only want to see the food "Before" you eat it, not "After"

How much does a Hipster weight ? 2 Instagram

Why did Kim Jong Un Instagram his missile? It was the only way he could send it.

How much do millennials weigh? An instagram.

My drug dealer is so quick I nicknamed him... Instagram

You know what would be a good name for a cocaine delivery service company? Instagram

What is a heroin addict's favorite website? Instagram.

What do you call a reliable coke dealer? Instagram

How much does a Millennial weigh? An instagram.

So I went to my Hipster drug dealer last night... He gave me an instagram

I have a joke about a hipster ...you've probably never heard it.

Q: How much mass is in a single hipster?



A: An Instagram

How much does a basic white girl weigh? ... an instagram :3

What does a Instagram teenager do for his history report? Lincoln bio

What do you call a sick Instagram model? An Influenza

Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.

What is the equivalent of being a model at Instagram? Being a millionaire in Monopoly.

What is the weight of an influencer's brain? One Instagram.

How much does a hipster weigh? One instagram.

I've made this new photo app and it's a thousand times better than Instagram. It's called Instakilo

I always wondered why I don't see any food pictures on Instagram from third world country children Then it hit me, silly me they probably can't afford cellphones

Doctor: Hey check out this Instagram post! Patient: I am literally dying right now


Doctor: Lol ikr that is so me!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Dentist: Open up please. Me: Sometimes I get sad...

Credit: nicetrydad (Instagram)

I put my grandmother on speed dial. I call it instagram.

Girl gets 1000 instagram followers **changes page setting to "public figure"**

How did the flu virus get rich? It joined Instagram & "Viral Instagram Influenza" sold tons of infected bath water.

Why did the Instagram star go deep into debt? Because they lived for validation.

Social media in a nutshell Instagram: "I'm so pretty"
LinkedIn: "I'm so good at my job"
Twitter: "I'm so funny"
Snapchat: "I'm a dog"

What do you call someone who's jealous of the pictures on your Instagram? Graham Greene