Instrument Jokes

Accordion to scientific studies, 90% .. of people do not realise I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.

I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?". I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."

TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown. It was a coup-stick.

What's a fat kids favourite instrument? The dinner bell

Why did the cellist have to sell his instrument? He was baroque.

Putin wanted to either get a new pet or learn to play a new instrument. He got lucky with both and ended up with a Trump pet.

Did you know? Accordion to a recent study, 90% of the world don't realise when a word has been swapped with an instrument.

I can't play loud music on any instrument. It's just not my forte.

People were astounded to find a stringed instrument hidden within the dry well but it was merely more evidence of the violins inherent in the cistern.

What is Vladimir Putin's favorite instrument to play? A Trumpet!

If I had a choice between stairs and a runged instrument for ascending things... I would choose the ladder.

What instrument does the uterus play? The fallopian tuba.

What adhesive can I use to fix my brass instrument? A tuba glue

For my next trick, I intend to eat a
percussion instrument in a sandwich. Drum roll please...

Our orchestra teacher told us he’d throw an instrument at us if we messed up. Wow. I can’t believe our teacher is threatening us with violins.

A band player accidentally broke his instrument. He got in a lot of treble.

Edit:That pun didn't end on a good note.

What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and glue? One is an instrument, one is a fish, and one is an adhesive.

What do you call a fake woodwind instrument? A saxo-phoney!


kill me

What instrument does it sound like when two sheep bleat in unison? The Two-baaa.

What's a commercial fisherman's favorite instrument? Castanets!

Why is calcium vital in the brass instrument manufacturing industry? Because calcium helps build trombones

What do you call a scientific measuring instrument with degrees? A graduated cylinder.

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This is the only joke I've ever thought of.

What is Baltimore's favourite instrument The lute

What's an emo's favorite musical instrument? The forearm violin.

Playing my instrument quietly Is not my Forte

What type of instrument does an English man play? The UK-Lele

What's a feminists least favourite instrument? The XY-lophone

I would never hit someone with a musical instrument... I don't like to resort to violins

What do you call a brass instrument that saves its money? A frugal horn. Sorry in advance.

What is Putin's favorite instrument to play? Trump/Pence

What instrument do some terrorists play? The Talibanjo

What is the Russians favorite instrument to play? The TRUMP-et

What musical instrument do you get if you fill a 55-gallon drum with fish? A bass drum.

What instrument do Mexicans hate? The TRUMPet.

What’s the most sold instrument on craigslist? The OBO.

You know a top artist by the fact he doesn't look at his instrument while playing it. Stevie Wonder and Ron Jeremy, for example.

I wouldn't hit someone with a musical instrument because.. .. I dont resort to violins

Accordion to studies... Most people don't replace the first word of a sentence with an instrument

What is Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky's favourite instrument? The cannon