Intelligent Jokes

99.9% of people are idiots Fortunately, I belong in the 1% of intelligent people

What do you call intelligent people in America? Tourists.

Why haven't we found aliens yet ? because they are searching for intelligent life too.

To make a fool love you, praise their intelligence... ...but you already knew that, because you're so intelligent.

LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man. WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.

My grandfather was a very intelligent man. He was an inventor. He invented the cold air balloon. Only problem was it never really took off.

What do you call an intelligent idiot? An oxymoron

Studies show there is actually intelligent DNA in women. But unfortunately most of them spit it out.

He: "You are the nicest, most wonderful, and most beautiful woman, that I ever met!"... She: "Ah, you only want to get me in your bed."

He: "And you are intelligent as well."

Super Intelligent Student Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.

One boy throws his bag out the window.

Teacher: who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! and I’m going home now.

What do you call an elevator with a group of slim, softly spoken, intelligent people inside? A Lift

(only a joke, my American friends)

What do Mars and Oklahoma have in common? A lotta red dirt and no signs of intelligent life.

The wike asks his husband: Honey, what do you prefer? A beautiful woman or an intelligent woman? Neither one, you know I just like you

What do you call a person in the White House who is honest, intelligent, and law-abiding? A tourist.

I like to date intelligent girls who are taller than me. It keeps me on my toes.

You're a very beautiful girl ... and you have a nice personality and a beautiful smile

Girl: you just wanna get into my pants

Boy: you're intelligent as well.

Human beings are very intelligent. I wish I could post this somewhere else.

What is an intelligent person in the US called? Tourist

What do you call an intelligent blonde? A Labrador.

Did you know that people who talk to themselves are scientifically likely to be more intelligent? Oh, sorry. I wasn't talking to you

What do you call intelligent people in the US? Tourists.

Why are women attracted to intelligent men? Opposites attract

What do you call an intelligent blonde? a Golden Retriever

What do you call a highly intelligent person in Washington DC who wants to help Donald Trump? A psychiatrist.

I was going to post a witty, hilarious and intelligent joke about time traveling But you guys didn’t like it

What do you call intelligent people in the US? Foreigners.

What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist

I like flat earthers They make me feel more intelligent

Ad in the local paper: 25 year old woman, very attractive, beautiful blonde hair, perfect measurements, intelligent, with good sense of humor and stable income - Selling dump truck.

During dinner, Juan asked his mother.... Mamma, why is dad bald?

Well Juan, your father has a lot to think about and is very intelligent, that's why.

But mamma, why do you have such a long hair?

Shut UP Juan and eat your soup!

Do you know why all the O2 molecules are intelligent? Because an stupid one would be an Oxy-Moron.

What do you call a beautiful, intelligent woman in America? A tourist

What do you call an intelligent sloth? Slo-mo sapiens

I read that the nicotine in cigarettes increases GABA in the brain, making you more intelligent. Maybe one day I'll be smart enough to not smoke.

Instead of trying to find intelligent life on other planets, NASA should... ...Try to find some in the White House. It might prove to be more of a challenge.

What's the best way to appear intelligent on a first date? Date a child.

I read a headline that said "short people are less intelligent than taller people" That can't be true. Einstein was 5'7" and Stephen Hawkin was 3'5".

Scientists have proven that women will, at some point in their lives, contain intelligent DNA.. Unfortunately 95% of them will spit it out

If I had a dollar for every intelligent person who believed in the wage gap I'd have 77 cents