Hilarious Jail Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Jail Jokes

Why was Abraham Lincoln never put in jail? Because he was in a cent.

I know it’s stupid but c’mon

Score: 11547

I almost got raped in jail My family takes monopoly to seriously

Score: 11353

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail… But apparently, you can’t end a sentence with a proposition…

Score: 6495

Went to Jail for the first time and found out that what they say about dropping the soap is just a myth I held on to that soap for dear life and it turns out they rape you anyway

Score: 3526

Been in Jail for 5 minutes and I've already been raped twice... I really need to stop playing monopoly with my uncle.

Score: 2000

You can tell Monopoly is an old game... ...because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.

Score: 1650

I'm Black. So I can't be racist. But these suckers keep telling me that I am. "Jake, you can't call yourself Black just because you went to jail once. That is racist"

Score: 1617

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

Score: 1428

Have a turkish joke A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"

Score: 1374

Score: 1209

Why did all the prisoners at the AT&T jail escape? Because they had no bars on their cells!

Score: 945

A man always smoked two cigarettes at a time When people asked him why, he answered: i'm smoking one for myself and one for my brother in jail.

One day he was smoking only one, so people gladly asked "is your brother out of jail?"
He answered: "no, I quit"

Score: 895

You can tell monopoly's an old game... ...because there's a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail

Score: 795

My brother didn't like jail My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces.

After that, we never played Monopoly again.

Score: 735

what does 18 + 15 equal? Jail time

Score: 645

You can tell Monopoly is an old game... ...because there's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

Score: 589

A drunk wakes up in jail and asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?" "For drinking." replies the officer. "Great!" slurs the man. "When do we start?"

Score: 560

If you ever get thrown into jail Introduce yourself as the mitochondria...

You're the powerhouse of the cell.

Score: 544

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for almost 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.

Score: 456

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing. Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

Score: 448

An alcoholic wakes up in jail He asks the first police officer he sees "why am I here?"

the officer replies "for drinking"

The man replies "great, when do we start?"

Score: 444

Why is the white guy the scariest person in jail? You know he's guilty.

Score: 393

I almost got raped in jail My family takes monopoly way too seriously

Score: 388

It's cool that last names tell us about old family professions Like the Smith family were blacksmiths

and the Bowman family were archers

and the Dickinson family... well they were in jail

Score: 359

If a person who stutters goes to jail Would he finish the sentence?

Score: 307

I've been in jail for only 10 minutes and I have already been raped and beaten 3 times... This is definitely the last time I play monopoly with my dad

Score: 306

What happens when you shoot a black man? You go to jail for impersonating a police officer...

Score: 235

Sodium Chloride and Sulphuric Acid were in jail Turns out they were in for assault and battery

Score: 235

I ended up in jail the other night and the guys across from me had glued themselves together... It was very confusing.

Score: 218

My brother went to jail. He didn't take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his faeces on the wall. I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.

Score: 210

As a 12 year old, online dating is a tough thing Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

Score: 145

Why did the guitarist get thrown in jail? He was caught fingering A Minor.

Score: 122

My Brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food or drink. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and started throwing things.

We never played Monopoly again.

Score: 103

Facebook is like jail You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't really know

Score: 103

I have recently become a new man I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. My supervisors are happy with me. I will definitely abandon this lifestyle once i get out of jail.

Score: 100

A guy was thrown into the jail for refusing to take a nap He was resisting a rest

Score: 72

During the Vietnam war, if you reported one communist... You would win one thousand dollars.
If you reported 2 communists, you would win 2 thousands dollars.
If you reported 3 communists, you would go to jail because you knew too many communists.

Score: 48

Why did the guitarist go to jail? For fingering A minor.

Score: 38

My Accounting Teacher Told Us This One Today If your debits and credits don't equal, then your assets in jail.

Score: 37

A 10 years old comedian once said: Online dating is tough.

Every time i meet someone new, they end up in jail.

Score: 34

New Jail Jokes

My friend had a stutter problem, but he died in jail. He didn’t even get to finish his sentence.

Score: 4

I got raped while in jail twice It’s not fun playing monopoly with my uncle

Score: 11

What do you call a midget who is also a psychic that escaped from jail? A small medium at large.

Score: 4

I always get raped in jail... I hate playing monopoly with my uncle.

Score: 3

I tried to join in on #trashtag, but now I'm in jail. Apparently it doesn't matter how annoying they are, you can't just clear out white trash.

Score: 7

How do you get out of a Mexican jail? Taco Bail

Score: 3

This mechanic in my area went to jail for dealing drugs I've been his customer for over 5 years...I had no clue he was a mechanic.

Score: 15

What happens when a phone goes to jail? It becomes a cell phone!

(Courtesy my 6 year old)

Score: 10

I can't even picture my favorite actor going to jail now. But if he does, he'll have to change his name to Morgan Man.

Score: 28

I've only been in jail for three minutes and I've already been raped three times. I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.

Score: 13

Did you hear about the pencil that got an injury in jail? It broke mid-sentence.

Score: 27

Did you hear about the English teacher that went to jail? She got a full sentence.

Score: 7

OJ got out of jail recently and it sickens me. But I can't even imagine how he feels... The man that killed his wife is running free

Score: 5

What do periods and jail time have in common? They both come after sentences.

Score: 10

A man in France tried to rob a bank using underwear as a mask... ...the cops put him in jail right after a quick debriefing.

Score: 13

I'm free! I'm free! A prisoner is finally released, after many years in jail. He stands at the pavement, yelling, "I'm free! I'm free!" - A little kid walks up to him happily and joins, “I’m four! I’m four!"

Score: 3

Why did the picture go to jail ? Beacuse it was framed.

Score: 6

So a man walks into a bar And the warden said "dammit jim, i told you not to put the blind person in the standard jail cell"

Score: 7

A politician is arrested and is on his way to jail... Whoops, thought this was /r/fantasy .

Score: 14

A phone gets thrown into a jail cell His cell mate looks at him and asks "what are you being charged with?"

The phone looks smugly at his cell mate and replies "Battery"

Score: 5

When I went to jail, i walked up to the biggest guy and punched him as hard as I could. That's the last time my dad played monopoly with me.

Score: 8

Did you hear about the tunnel the escaped prisoners dug under the jail? It was a runaway success.

Score: 3

"Do Not only strike while the iron is hot, but make it hot by striking."-Oliver Cromwell Tried this on my girlfriend, now I'm going to jail.

Score: 21

I almost got raped in jail today… My family takes Monopoly way too seriously…

Score: 9

What do you get by crossing a baby with a puppy? Jail time.

Score: 13

Why was the guitarist put in jail? For fingering A minor

Score: 3

What does the Pope use to get you out of jail? Christian Bale.

Score: 8

What happens to investigative journalists in Russia? They're Putin jail

Score: 14

A tight end went to jail He came back a wide receiver

Score: 25

Why couldn't the plant escape the jail? Because his cell had walls.

Score: 22

Why did the guitarist go to jail? He fingered A minor.

Score: 25

Why did the painting go to jail? Because it was framed!

Score: 17

What do you call a four foot tall mind-reader who escaped from jail? A small medium at large.

Score: 9

I didn’t hear the sea when I held a Shell up I did, however, get six years in jail for armed robbery of a petrol station.

Score: 11

Have you heard that Duracell bunny is in jail? They say he was charged with battery

Score: 5

Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny Judge: What?

Lawyer: He's in a cent

Judge: You're going to jail with him

^^^^Totally ^^^^my ^^^^own ^^^^work ^^^^and ^^^^not ^^^^a ^^^^repost ^^^^by ^^^^any ^^^^mean

Score: 32

What's the best way to guarantee you won't go to jail. Become a politician.

Score: 11

You know, black people are nothing like iPhones: Only one gets jail broken

Score: 3

Online dating is tough even for a 13 year old. Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

Score: 8

As a 10-year-old, I find online dating real tough. Every person I meet ends up in jail!

Score: 30

After getting divorced, I met a girl on a first date

Girl: where were you before?

Me: i was in jail, i just came out after doing 10 years.

Girl: why? What crime did you commit?

Me: I committed a marriage.

** today is my 10th anniversary and i just created this joke**

Score: 3

What did the headlines say about the midget psychic who escaped from jail? SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE

Score: 6

Why did the 22140857×10^23 molecules of Methyl Acetate go to jail? It was a Mole-Ester!

Score: 14

Online dating is tough "Online dating is tough", said a 10 year old.
"Everytime I meet someone new, they end up in jail."

Score: 4

I've been in jail for less than an hour and I've already been raped twice! This is the LAST time I play monopoly with my dad

Score: 30

Why when theyre arrested do women only spend a month in jail? Because a period marks the end of a sentence

Score: 7

My brother got sent to jail He wasn't taking it very well, and got quite angry. He started destroying houses in my street and finally stopped when he got to the hotel.

That's the last time I play monopoly with him.

Score: 3

My dad used to say, girls are like cars... The younger, the better! But then again, he's in jail...

Score: 15

An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail. Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.

Score: 4

Why did the marathon runner end up in jail? For resisting a rest.

Score: 9

Why was the Energizer Bunny sent to jail? Domestic battery

Score: 3

How come Abraham Lincoln never went to jail? Because he was in a cent

Score: 4

a psychic midget escaped from jail Yes, we have a small medium at large

Score: 4

Why did the smartphone go to jail... [OC] Because it was charged with battery

Score: 4

Why did the violist go to jail For fingering A minor

Score: 4

A guitarist was sent to jail for fingering a minor

Score: 9

It appears that Jared Fogle has gain 30lbs since going to jail I guess that's what happens when you stop the child portions

Score: 6

I just went to jail for my wife's crime. She's Chinese, which I guess makes me guilty by associasian.

Score: 5

Why was the ukelele teacher put in jail? Becuase he was caught fingering A minor.

Score: 29

What do the NFL and Jail have in common? You go in as a Tight End and leave as a Wide Receiver.

Score: 7