Hilarious Key Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Key Jokes

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*Edit: seems like the ctrl key on my keyboard is not working

Score: 47510

I love the smell of my f5 key... It is very refreshing

Score: 1605

Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in cuba for $1.50 and in jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00? Those are the pie rates of the carribean.

Score: 1368

The mailman told me he's off to Spain tomorrow... So I asked him if he was going to Parcelona. He proceeded to ignore what I believe was my best joke. I probably didn't say it right. The key to a good mailman joke is the delivery.

Score: 793

Why do spies never use capitalization? They like to stay low-key.

Score: 704

What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before? A key!

This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry.

Score: 662

My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week. My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.

Score: 404

I love the smell of my F5 key... It's just so refreshing!

Score: 360

Score: 360

Hey! Wanna make $$$$ fast? …Just follow my simple instructions:
1. Hold down the Shift Key
2. Press the number 4 four times.

It's that easy!

Score: 267

Last night I masturbated over my ex-girlfriend. I know it's not right, but she's a heavy sleeper and I still have a key.

Score: 222

Every time I put my key in the ignition, a light comes on that says, "depress clutch to start." So I lean down and tell the clutch, "Everybody likes brake and accelerater better than you."

Score: 195

v v

EDIT*: Looks like my CTRL key is broken

Score: 186

I'm pretty sure my F5 key isn't working anymore I keep seeing the same jokes on here

Score: 167

If you ever get locked out Sit down and talk to the lock calmly,

Because communication is key.

Score: 136

Talk to your lock calmly if you get locked out, because communication is key.

Score: 110

Why is Dwarven music always so gloomy? Everything is written in a miner key.

Score: 87

Why did no one notice Thor's brother? Because he was low-key

Score: 81

I love the F5 key... It's very refreshing.

Score: 77

I smashed up my keyboard and couldnt find the last key I lost Ctrl

Score: 69

What type of key opens a banana? A Monkey :3

Score: 62

Did Thor ever mention he had a brother? He was very low-key about it.

Score: 60

What is Roy Moore's favorite piano key? A minor

Score: 58

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly because communication is key

Score: 54

I just got my F5 key working again. It's really refreshing!

Score: 50

How do you know when there's a lead singer on your porch? They can't find the right key and don't know when to come in.

Score: 49

why is the bass player stuck outside? he doesn't know when to come in and can't find the right key anyway

Score: 49

Me: The mail man told me he was going on holidays to spain... ...so i asked was he going to Parcelona and he continued to ignore what I believe was my best joke of the year.

Dad: Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman joke is the delivery

Score: 49

Excuse me while I typeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Sorry, I just had a key-stroke.

Score: 46

I ground up my ctrl key and gift wrapped it. The card reads: This is ground ctrl.
TO: Major Tom

(Merry Christmas David Bowie!)

Score: 46

You know what they say... The key to a good mailman joke is the delivery

Score: 43

Thor: Brother! What are you doing this weekend? Loki: nothing, just hanging out

Thor: oh sweet! that sounds...

Loki: no

Thor: low key

Score: 41

I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona... He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.

Score: 38

The key to a successful relationship Find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.

Score: 34

Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid? Because the & is near

Score: 30

I wrote a book about famous pianists It covers all the key players

Score: 29

My music teacher told me to stay on key I said "pitch please"

Score: 25

What do you call a mafia boss' key? A don-key

Score: 22

Have you heard of the piano-playing spy? Neither have I. He's very low-key.

Score: 22

The mailman told me he's off to Spain tomorrow... So I asked him if he is off to Parcelona. He then proceeded to ignore what is my best joke of 2017.

Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman's joke is the delivery.

Score: 20

New Key Jokes

Why did the pianist have some many cuts on her fingers? She was playing in a key with too many sharps!

Score: 2

It’s a disgrace I can’t see my drug dealer during lockdown. He is surely a key worker.

Score: 1

I know all of Alexas jokes are terrible sonI told her to tell me a crappy joke She goes: What kind of key can you make out of food? Dookie

Score: 1

If you get locked out of your car or house, stay calm and talk to the lock because communication is Key

Score: 3

I guess Bull Cosby found his own key to happiness... A Flat Minor.

Score: 2

How can you tell when there's a guitar player at your door? They dont know when to come in and they're using the wrong key.

Score: 2

When you locked outside your house and asked your door to open it Because communication is key

Score: 3

Why was Thor so hesitant to go to the party? Low-key wanted to skip it.

Score: 4

Locked myself outside of house today with no key So I started a conversations with my door, because communication is key

Score: 3

A knight is called to war by his liege Before he leaves he puts a chastity belt on his wife, locks it and trusts his stewart with the key.

Just as he was about to leave the stewart comes running towards him

"Sir, you left me the wrong key!"

Score: 8

What is Jared Fogle's favorite musical key? F Minor

Score: 3

I like to say that some songs are in the key of pancake. Because pancakes be flat.

Score: 2

I walked in to a bar, and ordered a Jack and Coke Two key bumps later, all four tires are off my car

Score: 2

Why do you never see Thor with his brother at parties? Cuz that guy is pretty Low-key

Score: 4

Johnny asks his Dad what's between his Mom's legs... His Dad replied, "Paradise."
Johnny asked, "What's between your legs Dad?"
"The Key to Paradise"
"Well Dad, you better change the lock because the neighbor has a copy of the key."

Score: 1

HEY, HOW ARE YOU? - Dude, press the Caps Lock key on your keyboard!
- WOW, THIS IS MUCH BETTER, I DON'T HAVE TO HOLD DOWN SHIFT ANYMORE

Score: 9

What is a drunk alien's favourite key? The space bar.

Score: 8

Why didn't the household items invite the key to the party? It was too door key.

Score: 2

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole it has often poked before? **A key**.

--
*Not OC. Rumored to be first joke recorded in 10th century A.D.*

Score: 8

Why is the key next to the space bar on Trump's keyboard always in pristine condition? Because no matter the circumstances, he'll never put pressure on the alt-right

Score: 2

How do you unlock a toilet? A Doo-key.

Score: 4

New studies show that becoming a chef is the number one job for homeless people after re-integration into society... Many cite their strong resumes as the key to their success considering they have a lot of experience pan handling.

Score: 3

Do you know the key to anyone's heart? A Scalpel.

Score: 3

Thor and Heimdall Thor: Have you seen my brother?

Heimdall: I have to admit, I haven't…

I guess he's just being low-key…

Score: 2

I hate when songs are just a bunch high notes and whistles It makes me high key upset

Score: 3

What's the key to destruction? Anarchy.

Score: 8

You're 'h' key is broken... Type 'help' to view the list of troubleshooting options

Score: 2

What does a logical person wear to a low-key meeting? Business causal

Score: 2

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke a hole which it has poked before? A key.

Fun fact: This joke was invented by the Anglo Saxon s in the 10th century. Oldest British joke ever.

Score: 1

Honesty is the key to a good relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Score: 8

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole it has often poked before? A key

Score: 3

What key did R. Kelly write ignition remix? A flat minor

Score: 2

What's the key to becoming a good conductor ? Train

Score: 10

What is a rapper's favorite key on a keyboard? F12

Score: 3

"Knock Knock" -Who's there?

"Oh wait, I have my key."

-Oh wait I have my key wh.. \*gets punched in the face*

Score: 3

The key to a good joke... ... is not made out of metal.

Score: 2

Why do Castle doors have their locks so far above the ground? So you need the higher-key

Score: 1

What's in between moms legs dad, said Johnny. Ahh..... its heaven son, said the father.

And in between yours father?

The key to heaven son.

Well... said Johnny. You should replace your key cause the neighbor has one.

Score: 8

The key to marriage is communication. Don't have any, so you can't fight about what was said.

Score: 5

I like to press the F5 key repeatedly... I just find it very....refreshing.

OK I'll show myself out

Score: 6

When the lock was in trouble He said "don't worry I have a few key friends that can help me out"

Score: 2

They say that happiness is the key to everything... So when I got locked out of my house, I smiled at the lock

Score: 11

I've just written a song about replacing my front door lock It's got a great key change at the end

Score: 13

What's an SS soldier's favorite key? I don't know, but I know it's not C!

Score: 2

Why couldn't the Tuba player get a date? He was too low key.

Score: 1

Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator? A: She couldn't find the 10 key.

Score: 7

What's a drunk astronaut's favorite key on his keyboard? The spacebar.

Score: 1

What's the key to long lasting Relationships? Not breaking up

Score: 4

What's a rebel's favorite key on a keyboard? An R key.

Score: 3

The Chicago Department of Public Works is getting push back on their next project The plan was to replace key infrastructure under Wrigley Field, but now they can't dig anything up because it's an Indian burial ground.

Score: 1

So Fidel Castro was once given a key to the City of Detroit... That is not a joke. That actually happened.

Score: 1

People say money is not the key to happiness But with enough money, you can have a key made.

Score: 4

The key to wrapping presents is to think outside the box.

Score: 2