Lake Jokes

Why did the hipster fall into the lake? He went ice skating before it was cool.

My dad taught me to swim by rowing me to the middle of a lake and tossing me overboard... It was pretty easy once I got out of the bag!

Did anyone else's parents teach them to swim by throwing them in the lake? I think the swimming was the easy part. Getting out of that burlap sack was tricky, though.

A blonde sees a another blonde across a lake and asks "How do I get to the other side?" the other blonde replies... "You are on the other side".

Funeral Emily died last week after she fell in the lake.

It's a shame she never learned how to swim.

We brought a life preserver to her funeral.

It's what she would have wanted.

To teach me how to swim my dad rowed me out to the middle of a lake and threw me in. The swimming was easy, it was the burlap sack that gave me a hard time.

My Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working so I threw it into the lake. Now it’s syncing.

Two blondes are standing on opposite sides of a lake. One yells to the other, "Hey! How do I get to the other side!?",

to which the other replies "You are on the other side!"

Hey girl, are you a large concrete structure forming an artificial lake? ...because dam.

A man offers Descartes $100 to jump in a lake. Without thinking, Descartes ceases to exist.

Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake. One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"
"You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.

A Pokemon Go player walks into a bar. And a tree. And a wall. And into a lake.

An English cat named One Two Three and a French cat named Un Deux Trois raced each other across a lake. Who won? One Two Three, because Un Deux Trois cat sank.

What do you call a wine convention in upstate New York? The Lake Champlain Champagne Campaign

Why did the blonde return her water skis? She couldn't find a lake with a slope.

What do you find at the bottom of the lake? Bassturds.

A frog is sitting on a lily pad in the middle of what is clearly a river. He shouts to a toad on the shore, "Hey, look at me, I'm on a lake!" The toad yells back, "Naw man, you're in de-nile"

I once dropped my laptop into the lake Now it’s just a dell rolling in the deep

My dad always believed in learning things by doing them. So when I was a kid, he threw me in the lake...

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So that he could teach himself CPR

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Credit: Anthony Jeselnik

I was talking to my physics teacher... Teacher: hey, do you know what salt lake city is?
Me: yeah
Teacher: cool, you know what den city is?
Me: no?
Teacher: oh, its mass over volume

Wife: Honey, the car won't start. I think there's water in the carburetor. Husband: You don't even know what a carburetor is. Alright, where's the car?

Wife: In the lake.

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a frozen lake. They weren't talking so I decided to go over and break the ice.

I dated a girl in a wheel chair once. it was a tough relationship tho. Have you ever heard the saying "If you love her then let her go, and if she comes back then it was meant to be"?

Well don't let her go on a hill by a lake, cause she don't come back

I had a row with my boss at lunchtime Perks of working near a boating lake

officer answer the lady who came for swimming Officer: "Madam, swimming is prohibited in this lake."
Lady: "Why didn't you tell me when I was removing my clothes?"
Officer: "Well, that's not prohibited."

Is it okay to eat a lake monster's vegetables? Not Nessie's celery.

Two blondes are standing on opposite ends of a lake. One of them yells to the other, “Hey, how did you get to the other side!?” To which the other responds, “You are on the other side!”

Why did the hipster drown in the lake? Because he went ice skating before it was cool.

Why don't blondes water ski? They can't find a lake with a slope

What is a lake? A son of a beach.

Two canoes out on a lake The guy in canoe number one asks the guy in canoe number two if he could have one of his oars. Guy in canoe number two says “that’s my wife and my sister!”

Did you hear about the new winter resort that caters exclusively to men with erectile disfunction? It's called Lake Flaccid.

When I was a kid my dad threw me into a lake to teach me how to swim It would have been easier had he not put me in the duffle bag first.

Cain and Abel were fishing when Abel suddenly threw his fishing rod into the lake and said to Cain: "Cain you get it for me? :D" Cain then killed Abel and said nothing because puns are terrible.

We've had several hipsters drown in the local lake. they all went ice skating before it was cool.

A guy sees a blonde across a lake He shouts to her "Hey how'd you get on the other side of the lake?"
she replies
"You're on the other side of the lake!"

Irish Nessie Over in Ireland, in a lake near Dublin, thay have their own Nessie.

It's a monster that likes to ring doorbells.

It's a knock-less monster.

Rest In Hoohah Did you guys hear Ellen DeGeneres died?

They found her face down in Ricki Lake.

An elephant meets a naked men at the lake "what? This is what you drink with???"