Lamp Jokes

Dave rubs a magic lamp and the genie grants him 3 wishes Genie: what will be your first wish?

Dave: I want to be rich

Genie: Granted. What will be your second wish?

Rich: I want a lot of money

A man is stranded in the desert when he comes across a genie's lamp. He rubs it and the genie grants him just one wish. The man said, "I could die happy here, if I could just get..." ... one more 's'.

My Girlfriend is always covered in bruises because she doesn't listen.. I'm always like "You're about to run into that lamp!"

I quit drugs, and it made everyone happy. Except for my lamp. It won't talk to me anymore.

My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp, I’m not sure I’ll be able look at him in the same light ever again.

*rubs a lamp* *rubs a lamp*

Genie appears and asks for a wish

"I don't wanna die virgin"

*Genie grants immortality

Easiest way to get immortality Me : *rubs lamp* "I don't want to die a virgin"

Genie : *grants immortality*

A man entered his house.... A man entered his house and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in his house.

Jim finds a genie in a lamp The genie says "you have three wishes to make"

Jim instantly says "I wish I were rich!"

The genie responds, "and for your second wish?"

Rich says "I want lots of money"

My friend got offended when I insulted his broken lamp... Then again dark humour isn't his thing

The man entered his home... and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in the house.

I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though the wife thinks it's weird.... I don't see why, I think it makes a great hat!

A lighthearted joke A man was absolutely delighted when he came home and saw that someone had stolen every lamp in the house.

A man was delighted when his home was robbed Every lamp in the house had been stolen.

A one-eyed guy named Wazowski found a magic lamp Genie: you have one wish

Wazowski: I want an extra eye

Genie: done

Wazowskii: but nothing happened

My brother just broke my lamp I'm not sure that I'll be able to look at him in the same light ever again

I woke up this morning and my bedside light had turned into a moth... That's the last time I ever buy a larva lamp…

A man wakes up with a lamp A man wakes up with a lamp in a cave, he rubs the lamp and the genie says 'you have one wish left.' In his excitement he asked "I Wish I truly knew myself ".
The genie laughed, 'that was your first wish!'
'What was my second wish? '
'To forget. '

A man entered his home... and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stole every lamp on the house.

So Helen Keller walks into a bar Then she walks into a table. Then she walks into a lamp. Then she walks into the wa- ok, you get the idea.

You're so unfuckable that, if you found a lamp, rubbed it, a genie popped out and you wished to not die a virgin... He'd make you immortal.

Dad walks in on son fapping He says,"Son that'll make you go blind!"


The young man says,"Dad I'm over here, that's a lamp."

My boss asked me to fix the plug on his lamp... I simply refused.

A woman went to the psychiatrist, and once she got there, she approached the psychiatrist and said "Doctor, I think my husband is crazy, he's talking to the lamp" He asked, "that's crazy, how do you know that?

"The lamp told me about it"

A man entered his​ house A man entered his house and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in the house.

I was walking today when i saw a man writing something on top of a lamp post So i asked: "what are ye writing, mate?"

"Climb up here and read" - he answered

So i climbed up, read it and really shocked. It really said "climb up here and read"

What's the difference between 'Lamp' and 'Hard'? I can sleep with a lamp on.

A man finds a genie lamp He rubs it and out comes a genie he says: you have 3 wishes but there are 3 rules you can’t wish for love, money or more wishes

The man says: I want to not die a virgin

The genie grants him immortality

How many feminists you need to change a lamp? "That's not funny..."

By my 9 yr old foster kid: why did the lamp want to be a clown? It wanted to join the circuits.

What happened when Forrest Gump rubbed the lamp? A Jenny came out

Girl, are you a lava lamp? Cause I could watch you go up and down for hours

My friend told me he broke my lamp He said I hope you're not mad.
No, im delighted

A man rubs a lamp and a genie pops out and grants him a wish. Genie: What is it you wish for mortal?

Man: Well, I'd like to stop second guessing myself all the time.

Genie: Really?, Is that what you really want to wish for?

Man: Hey, its my wish so I get to-...Heyy!

What did the British man say when he opened up the magic lamp? There’s a lad in there.

I broke the lamp today Cause nothing shines brighter than me.

How do you make the Iron Giant cry? You wrap a Porsche Carrera GT around a lamp post.

What do you call a lamp that’s an intern? A lantern!

What do you get when you cross a street lamp and a bad comedian? u/TheJenkinsComic

^^^(sorry buddy I had to do it, LOL)