Leaf Jokes

I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement. At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'

A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Who hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

Don't iron your four leaf clovers You don't want to press your luck.

An emo and a leaf fall from a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first? The leaf.

The emo is stopped by the rope.

Why don't you iron four-leaf clovers? Because you don't want to press your luck.

why should you never iron a four-leaf clover? Because you shouldn't press your luck.

[Dark Humor] A leaf and an emo falls off a tree. Who hits the ground first? A leaf, because rope stops emo.

An emo and a leaf were sitting at the top of a tree... they both fall off at the same time? Which one hits the ground first?
The leaf.
The emo got caught by the rope.

What does a Maple leaf fan do when they win the cup? Turn off their console and go to sleep.

My family was being held captive by a salad It wouldn’t lettuce leaf

Why should you never iron a four leaf clover? Because you don't want to press your luck.

What do you call a Canadian prostitute? A leaf blower

"Mommy why did you name me rose?" "Because, when you were born and coming out of the hospital, a rose pedal landed on your head. So we named you rose."

"Is that why my little brother is named leaf?"

"Yes it is."

"Blaaaaaaaaaargh-ddsbbbb-beeeebleeeb."

"Shut up brick!"

I turned over a brand new leaf today... the folks at the Nissan dealership were not very happy with me.

What falls faster from a tree? A leaf or an emo? The leaf, the rope stops the emo.

The memo An older man hires a guy every fall and his only job is to use my leaf blower and get the leaves out my yard.

He only pays in checks though. Just so he may write "thanks for the blow" on the memo line.

What do you call a vegetarian with bad gas? A leaf blower

A man ironed his four leaf clover He was pressing his luck

A guy goes to the doctor with a pain in his rear end The doctor has a look and says, "This is could be serious, you seem to have a lettuce leaf stuck in there. I can remove it easily enough, but it may just be the tip of the iceberg."

What do you call a treehugger that becomes a prostitue? Leaf blower

When vegans have an argument, is it still beef? No. It’s leaf.

(My little cousin has just told me the old joke, and I instantaneously made up the answer. Thought I’d share it with you all!)

Why does lightning always strike trees? They are the path of leaf resistance.

leaf blowers are dangerous in battle i hear they’re leaf-al

How does loose leaf watch TV? Paper-view

A Leaf and an Emo Person Both Fall From a Tree. What lands first?

The leaf, a rope stopped the emo.

I got fired from my job of making leaf blowers... because they all sucked.

What did Adam say when he broke up with Eve? I'm turning over a new leaf.

I used to be addicted to raking my lawn. But I'm trying to turn over a new leaf.

My leaf blower doesn’t work It just sucks!

What did the vegans say when they were captured and put into a small space? Kelp! Lettuce leaf! There isn’t mushroom in here...

Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover? You don't want to press your luck.

Why don't you iron a four leaf clover? So you don't press your luck.

If a teacup holds tea and a coffee cup holds coffee then what does a peecup hold? Three Mexicans, a lawn mower, two leaf blowers and a half dozen rakes will fit in a peecup (pickup with Spanish accent).

Tree men walk into a bar They order root beer and leaf before paying.

Tell An Elephant Joke--I'll Start How does an elephant get down from a tree?

Sits on a leaf and waits for Autumn

Why I hated my trip to Canada It was a nice country, but as soon as I saw the flag is just wanted to *leaf*

My dad is a struggling pot addict He's having trouble turning over a new leaf

How do you break up with a tree Leaf me alone, I’m stick of u

ESPN couldn’t get Peyton Manning to do NFL commentary... So ESPN dropped down to get Ryan Leaf.