Hilarious Librarian Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Librarian Jokes

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia. She whispered: "They're right behind you."

Score: 8931

Score: 4118

A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."

Score: 3837

What did the librarian say to the child? **Read More**

Score: 3636

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah that's the one"

Score: 3259

Librarian: Can I help you? Dave: Yeah, I'm looking for a book about-

Librarian: Being psychic?

Dave: No...

Librarian: One day that will work.

Score: 2408

I asked a librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 2308

Have a turkish joke A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"

Score: 1374

I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat. She said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 1318

A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?" The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."

Score: 1242

I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."

Score: 1157

I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 1025

a man goes to a library and asks for a book on suicide......... Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who's gonna bring it back ?

Score: 813

A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles. The librarian asks "hard back?"

The guy replies "yeah little heads too."

Score: 729

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."

Score: 617

A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book sucks! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!" The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

Score: 605

I went to the library and asked if they had the book about tiny penises... The librarian said, "I don't think it's in yet."

I said, "Yes, that's the one."

Score: 566

I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're behind you".

Score: 533

I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia and she whispered "They're behind you."

Score: 480

A man walks into a library ... A man walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Do you have that new book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah that's the one!"

Score: 369

Went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov’s dog and Schrodinger’s cat. The librarian said it rang a bell but she didn’t know if it was there or not.

Score: 346

I asked a librarian if there are any books on discrimination against people in wheelchairs. She replied "Yes, it's up the stairs, on the top shelf to the left."

Score: 294

A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia Librarian: "They're right behind you!!"

Score: 276

A drunk walks into a library... He goes up to the desk and slurs: I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.

The librarian replies: Sir, this is a library!

***whispers*** Sorry, I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.

Score: 234

A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat. The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."

Score: 231

I asked the librarian for a book on Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat. She said it rang a bell but didn't know if it was there or not.

Score: 205

Midget Discrimination A midget asks the librarian,”Do you have any books on midget discrimination?” The librarian replies,”Top shelf”.

Score: 199

A guy says to a librarian "I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke" The librarian says "I'm sorry sir but this is a library".

The guy says *whispering* "Oh, sorry, I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke"

Score: 189

Asked a librarian for that book on Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dogs today. Said it rang a bell but she didn't know if it was there or not

Score: 185

A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian "CAN I GET A BIG MAC FRIES AND A COKE?!!" The librarian says "excuse me miss.....this is a library." The blonde says...."oh im sorry (whispers) can i get a big mac fries and a coke?"

Score: 184

I went to a library and asked for a book on pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat The librarian said,"That rings a bell, but I'm not sure whether it is here or not."

Score: 137

A Blonde Walks into a Library A blonde walks into a library and slams a book on the desk.

She says, "This is the worst book I've ever read!! There's no plot and it has way too many characters!!"

The librarian says, "So that's what happened to our phonebook."

Score: 117

A man walks into the library... And asks the librarian if they have the book for guys with small penises.

"I don't think it's in yet..."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

Score: 114

A man walks into a library and orders fish and chips. The librarian says, "this is a library."

The man, says, "oh. Sorry." (Then in a whisper) "I'd like some fish and chips."

Score: 99

I asked my librarian if she had a book on short term memory loss... I asked my librarian if she had a book on short term memory loss...

Score: 67

i asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction. She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"

i said "Yeah, that's the one!!"

Score: 67

A man goes into the library... Man: "Do you have the book about small penises?"
Librarian: "It's not in yet."
Man: "Yeah, that's the one."

Score: 66

A man walks into a library... A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah that's the one"

Score: 50

What do you call a sunburned librarian? Well red.

Score: 44

A man walks into a library. Man: Fish and chips, please.

Librarian: Sir, this is a library.

Man: \*whispers\* *Sorry. Fish and chips, please.*

Score: 43

New Librarian Jokes

I asked the librarian where the books on paranoia were? "There right behind you," she replied.

Score: 0

I walked into the library and asked the librarian "Where are your books on Dyslexia?" "In between the books on Dysfunction and Dyspepsia." She replied.

Great...just great.

Score: 0

I was in the library on the computers watching YouTube before I decided to scroll through the comments section and a librarian walked past looked at me and said: Read more

Score: 0

Did you hear about the librarian who hit her head? She had no one to blame but her shelf.

Score: 1

Two guys were sitting in a library One guy tells the other,"Hey bro, can you pass me the biology book?". Hearing this, the librarian hushed him and said,"Be silent!". Hearing this, this guy repeats the question,"Hey ro, can you pass me the iology ook?".

Score: 2

A man walked into a library and said “ can I have a pizza please” The librarian said “ this is a library”

The man apologised and replied(in a whisper)
“Can I have a pizza please”

Score: 2

Man walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Hey! Can I get a chicken sandwich?" The librarian admonishes him, "Sir! This is a library." He replies... "Oh sorry, *^one ^chicken ^sandwich ^please!* "

Score: 3

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book about Pavlov and Schrödinger?" The librarian responds, "it rings a bell, but I don't know if we have it or not."

Score: 0

I cut a small bit off the bottom of my trousers, I put it in a library book then returned it to the library. When the librarian was filing the book back on the selves the bit of trouser fell out... She said “huh, that’s a turn up for the books”

Score: 1

Why did the librarian get asked out on a date? Because she was a fine lady.

Score: 1

Our new librarian is very polite and I think she is Italian... I've just taken a book back that was months overdue, but rather than charging me, she just said, "That's-a-fine."

Score: 1

"Have you got any books on favouritism?" I asked the librarian. She said, "Not for you."

Score: 2

A man walks into a library and asks for a book about pregnancy. The librarian tells him it's in the C-section.

Score: 2

I asked the librarian if they had the book about Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog... She said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 32

I went to the library and asked the librarian if they had any books on suicide. He said that they did but they never came back.

Score: 3

Why did the librarian keep falling down? Because she was in the non-friction section

Score: 3

I walked into a library. "Have you got any books on single life?" I asked the librarian.

"Sorry," she said. "They're all taken."

Score: 23

A man walks into a library He asks the librarian "Excuse me, have you got the new book on small penises please?"

"I'm sorry, I don't think it's in yet"

"yes that's the one"

Score: 41

I asked the librarian if the library had books on erectile dysfunction She said: "Of course, they're not hard to come by"

Score: 2

I asked the librarian if he had any books on harassment. He said "no" so I asked him 35 more times.

Score: 5

A guy walks into a library And asks for a burger and fries, the librarian replies

"Sir this is a library"

And so the man responds

*whispering*
"Id like a burger and fries please"

Score: 4

A woman walked into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian said, "they're right behind you!"

Score: 11

I went to the library and asked if they had any books on shelves... The librarian replied, "Yes, all of them."

Score: 12

Went to the library and asked where the self-help books were. Librarian refused to tell me. She said it would be defeating the purpose.

Score: 7

A man walks into a library Man: (loudly)Excuse me ma'am, can i order a cheeseburger?

Librarian: Sir this is a library.

Man: (quietly) Oh sorry, can i order a cheeseburger?

Score: 3

A man walks into a library and asks if there are any books about paranoia. The librarian says: "They're right behind you!"

Score: 10

What did the librarian say to the lazy student? read more...

Score: 3

A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian if the book on tiny penises is available. The librarian says, "I don't think it's in yet." The guy responds, "Yeah, that's the one."

Score: 3

A man walks into the library Man:Do you have the new book on small penises?
Librarian: Sorry, I don't think it's in yet
Man: yeah that's the one

Score: 22

A man walks into a library... A man walks into a library and finds the librarian.

Man: Hello, I was wondering if you had any books on small penises?

Librarian: I'm sorry, it's not in.

Man: Yeah! That's the one!

Score: 3

What did the librarian say to the kids? What did the librarian say to the kids?

^Read ^More

Score: 1

"I work in a thousand story building" Said the librarian

Score: 11

Man: Do you happen to have a book on small penises? Librarian: Sorry, i don't think it's in yet.

Man: Yes, that's the one i'm looking for!

Score: 3

I went to the public library yesterday looking for that one book about Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's cat. The librarian said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 32

A Japanese man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian replies "Get out of here, you won't bring it back"

Score: 16

A blonde walks into a library She says to the librarian, "I would like a cheeseburger with fries and a coke."

The librarian says the the blonde, "this is a library!"

The blonde whispers, "I would like a cheeseburger with fries and a Coke."

Score: 3

A man goes to the library and asks for a book about suicide. The librarian stares at him for a while and then asks "But who is going to bring it back?"

Score: 41

I wasted the whole day looking for an Indian cookbook at the library today. I asked the librarian for help, but I was too embarrassed to tell her I couldn't even find the naan fiction section.

Score: 2

What does a pescatarian librarian eat when they're hungry for a little snack? Microfiche.

Score: 1