Lightning Jokes

Why did Thor lose his lightning powers? Because his father grounded him.

Him: "I drive like lightning" Her: "So you drive fast?" Him: "No, I hit trees."

A joke from my Mexican grandmother: What's faster? Lightning, light, or diarrhea? Diarrhea.

Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.

Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning? His entire wife flashed before his eyes.

If electricity always follows the path of least resistance Why doesn't lightning only strike in France?

If electricity follows the path of least resistance... Why doesn't lightning only strike in France?

If lightning strikes an orchestra, who is most likely to get hit? The conductor.

Why is their always lightning in France? Obviously, since lightning takes the path of least resistance.

If you wrote a book about Lightning McQueen... Is it a biography or an autobiography?

If electricity always flows in the path of least resistance Why doesn't lightning always strike in France?

Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm? Because lightning strikes the highest object.

I told her I had lightning quick reflexes... Sounds better than premature ejaculator...

I’m hammering a nail into the wall when my wife comments “You hammer like lightning” I replied “you think I’m that fast?”

She said “no. You never hit the same spot twice”

Why does lightning only strike the French? Because it follows the path of least resistance

Me and my girlfriend have nicknames for each other; I call her thunder and she calls me lightning. I’m lightning because I always come first

I was trying the figure out how lightning works. Then it struck me.

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 killed the headphone jack with lightning

If electricity takes the path of least resistance... why doesn't lightning only strike the country of France?

My dads nickname is lightning. That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.

A girl is having a date with a guy and is asking the guy if he drives well Guy : I drive like lightning.
Girl : You drive fast?
Guy : No, I hit the trees.

I once went to an open air Queen concert. It was good, but there was a terrible electrical storm during the set

Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening...

What was the musician doing when he was struck by lightning? He was conducting.

On the bright side selfie sticks are also lightning rods.

Why do they call them thunder storms and not lightning storms? Thunder storms just *sound* better

I was struggling to figure out how lightning works Then it struck me

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning? A handicapacitor.

What did the lightning say to the fireworks? Hey! You stole my thunder.

Credit to my nine year old daughter on the 4th

How does Thor power his appliances? With a lightning Adapter

What did the father lightning bolt do to his son when he miabehaved? He grounded him.

I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice. It was a revolting scene.

What did the fisherman say to the lightning bolt? "Mr. Spark, I don't reel so good"

i caught the most incredible lightning with my camera last night, i was lucky i survived

What kind of food does Lightning McQueen feed his cat? Cat Chow

What does an Italian Lightning McQueen say? Ka-ciao

What is Zues' favorite song? Greeced Lightning

Did you hear about the lightning that hit the guitar? It really struck a chord.

When I worked construction back in the day, they used to call me "Lightning." Never struck twice in the same place. (True story...)

If electricity always takes the path of least resistance.. Why doesn't lightning only strike in France?

Why do you see lightning first before you hear the thunder? Because your eyes are in front of your ears.