Hilarious Lobster Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Lobster Jokes

What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus? One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

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Score: 807

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster? A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

Score: 684

A crab, a tuna, a lobster, and a Chinese man being run over by a steam roller. What doesn't belong? The Tuna, since all of the others are crushedasians.

Score: 184

I was on the beach with my daughter. After a while, she turned to me and said, "Dad, you look like a lobster."

"Oh no," I replied, "Am I burning?"

She said, "No. Just very ugly."

Score: 179

Stopped by a roadside stand that said “lobster tails 2$”. I paid my 2$ and he said... Unce upon a time there was a lobster...

Score: 147

Given the terms “crab”, “tuna”, “lobster”, and “Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders”, which does not fit? Ans: “tuna”. The other 3 are crushed asians.

Score: 139

What's worse than a lobster on your piano? Crabs on your organ.

Score: 121

I was at a restaurant last night... and I asked the waiter "How do you prepare the lobster?" And he said "We just tell him the truth, man. This is the end of the line."

Score: 55

What's the difference between a Greyhound terminal in New Jersey and a voluptuous lobster? One's a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean

Score: 54

What's the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station.
The other is a busty crustacean.

Score: 46

What's the difference between a lobster and a Japanese woman run over by a steamroller? One's a crustacean and the other is a crushed Asian.

Score: 39

What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a New York bus station? Ones a busty crustacean the other one is a crusty bus station

Score: 39

Whats the difference between a greyhound station and a big titted lobster... Ones a crusty bus station. The other is a busty crustacean

Score: 38

What's the difference between a greyhound bus station and a lobster wearing a bra? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!

Edit: HAHahHAHA OMFG I'm the epitome of hilarity

Score: 36

I ate at the Mary poppins restaurant last night..... They had super cauliflower cheese but lobster was atrocious

Score: 36

I saw a roadside stand with a sign that said "Lobster Tails-$2". So I stopped in and paid my $2. Then the proprietor says, "Once upon a time, there was this lobster..."

Score: 34

Whats worse than having a lobster on yer piano? Having crabs on yer organ!

Score: 28

A man goes to a $10 hooker A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs.

When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"

Score: 23

kids eat free today Waiter: Can I take your order sir, kids eat free today.
Me: Oh, well in that case i’ll just have a glass of water and my son will have the grilled lobster,a 15oz steak and a small bottle of champagne please.

Score: 20

What's the different between a rusty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? Ones a crusty bus station, and the others a Busty Crustacean

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I asked my girlfriend if they serve whales at red lobster. That way next time we go we know if we can bring her mother.

Score: 20

A guest at a restaurant asks the waiter... "do you have lobster tails?"
The waiter replies: "Of course! Once upon a time, there was a little lobster....."

Score: 18

Which of these three does not belong: (A) a lobster, (B) a flounder, or (C) a Korean man who has just been run over by a bus? The answer is (B) a flounder.

The other two are crushedAsians.

Score: 16

I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving... One day I lobster and never flounder again.

Score: 16

What's a lobster's favorite part of a build-your-own-pizza bar? The crust station.

Score: 16

A John gets crabs from a 10$ hooker... he goes back to complain, and the hooker tells him "what did you expect for 10$, lobster?"

Score: 15

A man goes to a $5 lady of the night and he gets crabs.

He goes back to complain, and the woman says

"Hey, it was only $5. What did you expect, lobster?"

Score: 15

Difference between Port Authority and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station...

The other's a busty crustacean!

Score: 14

A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night... And he gets crabs.

So the next day, he goes back to complain.

And the woman says, "Hey, it was only $5. What did you expect, lobster?"

Score: 14

Whats the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with implants? One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean

Score: 11

I was tanning on the beach with my son. After a while, he looked at me and said, "You're look like a lobster."

"Uh oh, do I need some sun tan lotion?" I asked.

He said, "No, you're just really ugly."

Score: 10

Guy comes back the next day after seeing a 5$ hooker. "I have crabs" It was 5$ did you expect lobster?

Score: 9

A man goes to a $5 lady of the night and he gets crabs. So the next day, he goes back to complain and the woman says ‘Hey it was only $5, what did you expect? Lobster?

Score: 9

A crab, a lobster, a dolphin... and a Japanese dude run over by a truck. Which one doesn't match up?

[The dolphin. The other three are all crustaceans/crushed Asians](#s)

Score: 7

What is the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with implants? One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

Score: 6

What's the difference is between a lobster with breast implants and a filthy bus depot? One is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus-station!
*edited because I screwed up my original punchline...

Score: 6

The other day while scuba diving for seafood it dawned on me that everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself, that's shellfish.

Score: 5

What's a let down Chinese lobster called? A crushed asian

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Dad joke alert: why didn't the crab and lobster get along? They were too shellfish.

Score: 5

New Lobster Jokes

Our restaurant’s lobster keeps eating all the fishes food... He’s way to shellfish for our taste

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So I ate at Mary Poppin’s restaurant last night... Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.

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What's a colourblind persons favourite restaurant? Lobster

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a lobster goes to a bar and the barman says “Nope. You’re barred!” The lobster asks “but why?” The barman, using his hand to mimick one of the lobster’s pincers opening and closing, says “you always come in here, giving it all that.”

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What’s the difference between a Greyhound Terminal and a lobster with chest implants? One is a crusty bus station, there other is a busty crustacean.

Score: 4

What do you call a lobster with a nutcracker? A castration crustacean.

Score: 2

What's the difference between Port Authority and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

Score: 3

A guy goes to a 5 dollar lady of the night And he gets crabs.

So the next day, he goes back to complain.

And the woman says, "hey it was only five dollars. What did you expect, lobster?"

- MGS

Score: 3

A man goes to a $10 hooker and gets crabs... When he goes back to complain, she laughs and says, "what did you expect, lobster?"

Score: 2

Joke haha comedic value right here A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"

Score: 2

A shrimp and a lobster are seated to next to each other on a plane. Not long into the flight the frustrated shrimp turns to the lobster and says, "Stop taking up so much room! You are being too shellfish!"

Score: 2

What's the difference between an old abandoned bus station and a lobster with breast implants? Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean

Score: 2

That was Cheap A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"

Score: 4

How do you get a lobster to care about others? You can't. They're shellfish.

Score: 2

A man hires a $10 hooker and gets crabs... He goes back with the hooker and complaints , she says "what were you expecting for 10 bucks? Lobster?"

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