Hilarious Man Walks Into A Bar Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Man Walks Into A Bar Jokes

A blind man walks into a bar The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"

Score: 6864

A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” "Because…He’s my newt.

Score: 2442

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. He asks for a coke and a mango juice for his newt Tiny.

The bartender asks “Why is he called Tiny?”

And the man replies “Because he’s my newt!”

Edit: I have replied to the comments and removed my edits

Score: 1396

Score: 1037

A man walks into a bar... ...and loses the international limbo championship.

(I feel like this is probably really old, but I hadn't heard it before.)

Score: 478

A black man walks into a bar... A black man walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder.

"That is really special," said the bartender. "Where did you get it?"

"Africa," replied the parrot.

Score: 464

An Englishman walks into a bar... There's usually a Scotsman, Irishman and Welshman too, but they're still at the Rugby World Cup.

Score: 399

A woman walks into a bar... she asks the bartender for a double entendre,

so he gives it to her.

Score: 344

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder... The bartender says "What a strange pet, what's his name?"

"Tiny." the man replies.

"What an odd name, why do you call him tiny?"

"Because he's my newt."

Score: 334

A man walks into a bar, and orders 10 times the amount of drinks as everyone else. The barman says "now *that's* an order of magnitude!"

Score: 320

A man walks into a bar, and is torn apart in seconds. Whoops, sorry. Bear\*

Score: 306

A Roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says, "five beers, please."

Score: 255

An Ancient Roman walks into a bar. He sits down and says

"I'll have a martinus please."

"Don't you mean a martini?" The bartender asks

The Ancient Roman replies

"If I wanted a double I would have asked for it."

Score: 251

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and asks for a beer The bartender nods,
"and how about one for the road?"

Score: 235

A man walks into a Bar. A man walks into a bar and sees a very attractive woman sitting by herself and asks, “May I buy you a cocktail?”

"No thank you," she replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."

"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"

"No, they spread."

Score: 221

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.

"You mean a martini?" the bartender asks.

The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!"

Score: 184

A man walks into a bar with Harambe Bartender: What can I get you ?

Harambe: I'll have a beer.

Man: No, he'll have just ice.

Bartender: Just ice?

Man: Yes, justice for Harambe.

Score: 181

A Roman walks into a bar... holds up two fingers and says, “five beers, please.”

Score: 172

A man walks into a bar. By the way, I'm the guy who accidentally knocked over Usain Bolt. Sorry, I'm not good with segways.

Score: 156

A man walks into a bar and is immediately disqualified from the Limbo World Championships.

Score: 139

A good looking young woman walks into a bar and asks the bar tender for a double entendre So he gives it to her

Score: 137

A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. "Cool, where'd you get that?" says the bartender. "Africa", replies the parrot. "They're all over the place."

Score: 133

A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He immediately yanks the dog and starts to spin him in the air like a lasso. The bartender freaks out, "What are you doing?!?!"

The blind man replies calmly, "Oh, just having a look around."

Score: 132

A man walks into a bar with a gun and yells "WHO SLEPT WITH MY WIFE! I'M GONNA KILL 'EM!" A man calmly stands up and says, "You ain't got enough bullets, mate."

Score: 123

A roman walks into a bar, sticks 2 fingers up and says 5 beers please.

Score: 122

A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt. The bartender asks, “What can I get for ya?”

The man says, “A beer for me, and another for the road.”

Score: 108

A Scottish man walks into a bar.. .. There's usually an Irishman & Englishman in this joke but they're still at the Rugby World Cup.

Score: 103

A Roman walks into a bar... ... holds up two fingers, and says "Five beers please!"

Score: 102

A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. “That’s pretty neat!” The bartender says, “Where’d you get him?”

“Africa.” Says the parrot.

Score: 97

A man walks into a bar He was immediately disqualified from the limbo competition.

Score: 95

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. You mean a martini? the bartender asks.

The Roman replies, if I wanted a double, I would have asked for it.

Score: 90

Man walks into a bar with a salamander. The bartender says, "Nice lizard. What's its name?"

"I call him Tiny because he's my newt."

Score: 53

A woman walks into a bar Bartender says, "That's funny, I was expecting a guy"

Score: 31

A man walks into a bar with a gun A man walks into a bar with a gun and yells "WHO SLEPT WITH MY WIFE! I'M GONNA KILL 'EM!"

A man calmly stands up and says, "You ain't got enough bullets, mate."

Score: 27

A Roman walks into a bar... He says to the bartender "I'll have a martinus."

The bartender looks at him funny and asks "You mean martini?"

The Roman says "No. If I wanted a double I would have asked for it."

Score: 26

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He goes to the bartender and ask
"I'll take a beer ! And another one for the road !"

Score: 26

A blind man walks into a bar The bartender looks up and says,"Hey haven't seen you in forever!". The blind man says," me too".

Score: 16

A German man walks into a bar... and orders a Martini.

The barman asks:

"Dry?"

The German replies:

"No, just one, thank you."

Score: 14

A man walks into a bar... ...wearing a hard hat and overalls, carrying a pickaxe in one hand and a lantern in the other. He sits down on a stool and orders a beer. The bartender takes one look at him and says:

"We don't serve miners here."

Score: 14

A man walks into a bar... ...and he stays there my entire childhood.

Score: 14

New Man Walks Into A Bar Jokes

A Roman walks into a bar and holds 2 fingers up to the barman "Five beers please."

Score: 6

A man blind man walks into a bar And a table and a chair and…

Score: 4

A woman walks into a bar with a kid, holding brown paint in one hand, paintbrushes in the other. The bartender says: "Is that your son? He isn't allowed in here."

The woman says: "I promised I would give him a chocolate bar, so everybody start painting."

Score: 2

A woman walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I would like a double entendres.” So he gave it to her.

Score: 3

A woman walks into a bar and asks for double entendre. The bartender gave it to her.

Score: 3

A man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt He says to the bar tender: “I want two drinks, one for me right now and one for the road.”

Score: 6

A blind man walks into a bar... Then a stool...then a table.

Score: 4

An Irish man walks into a bar. The end.

Score: 3

A German man walks into a bar... mitzvah and arrests every body.

Score: 11

A blind man walks into a bar And into a table,and into a chair,and people

Score: 3

A man walks into a bar with the flag of ISIS... The bartender says: "sir, you will not be served carrying around such a terrible object!"

The guy says: "stop treating me differently just because I'm from Europe!"

Score: 2

A man walks into a bar with a frog on his head... The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that thing?"
Suddenly, the frog replies, "Boston, they're all over the place!"

Score: 2

A woman walks into a bar... "Man this pole dancer sucks!"

Score: 2

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm. He looks at the bartender and says, "A pint for me, and one for the road."

Score: 3

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up 2 fingers, and says, "I'd like five beers please."

Score: 5

A man walks into a bar ...And stays there my whole childhood

Score: 4

A blind man walks into a bar... and begins to swing his guide dog around by its leash. A confused waiter runs up to the man and asks what the blind man is doing. The blind man replies, "I'm just taking a look around".

Score: 2

So a man walks into a bar And the warden said "dammit jim, i told you not to put the blind person in the standard jail cell"

Score: 7

A man walks into a bar And he yells in pain.

Score: 3

A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers... The barman gives him five beers.

Score: 4

A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers... and says "Five beers, please."

Score: 10

A man walks into a bar... ...and the bartender recognizes the man as a regular.

He says to the man, "Hey, you come drink here a lot, how about a drink on the house?".

The man replies to the bartender, "Sorry, but, I forgot my ladder".

Score: 3

A blind man walks into a bar... And then a table

Score: 3

A man walks into a bar in Ancient Rome The bartender asks him how many bottles of wine he wants and he holds up a peace sign. The bartender brings him five bottles.

Score: 4

A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.... The bartender looks in amazement and says, "how awesome! Where did you get that!?"
Suddenly the parrot looks up and says, "Oh him? Africa, there are millions of them there..."

Score: 12

A man walks into a bar Then a woman walks into the bar

Another man walks into the same bar

Needless to say, it was an instense limbo competition.

Score: 5

A blind man walks into a bar ...and now the construction crew is in trouble for leaving their scaffolding stacked in the middle of the sidewalk.

Score: 4

A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder... He walks up to the counter and asks for a drink.

The bartender then goes "hey, where did you find him."

The parrot then responds, "BAWK, AFRICA. THERES THOUSANDS OF THEM."

Score: 3

A Russian man walks into a bar... and orders water.

Score: 2

A man walks into a bar... because he has a fear of getting over hurdles.

Score: 13

A woman walks into a bar A woman walks into a bar and orders an Old Fashioned. So the bartender took away her voting rights.

Score: 3

A man walks into a bar and after 10 years my mom finally understood he isn't coming back.

Score: 2

A man walks into a bar The next one ducks.

Score: 4

A foreign man walks into a bar... He sees a group of hot women, and asks them, "Where are you from?" in a thick accent.

Somewhat annoyed, they reply, "Go away, we're lesbians!"

Determined to get one of them, he says, "but I'm from Lesbia too!"

Score: 6

A man walks into a bar Alcoholism is slowly destroying his family.

Score: 4

A man walks into a bar The next two duck

Score: 7

A Muslim man walks into a bar... He walks out.

Score: 2

A man walks into a bar with a little sliver of metal on his tie... The barman says "sorry, we don't want your tie-pin here"

Score: 12

A charming man walks into a bar and shouts: "THE QUEEN IS DEAD, BOYS!" The barman says: "Too soon, Morrissey"

Score: 2

A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, "Five beers please."

Score: 3

A man walks into a bar He is an alcoholic and is ruining his family.

Score: 2

A blind man walks into a bar. A chair.
A table..

Score: 5

An Irishman walks into a bar An Irishman walks into a bar. The bartender says: "Where you from?"

Irishman replies: "Dublin, Ireland."

Bartender: "Oh, really?"

Irishman: "No, O'Reilly"

Score: 4

So a woman walks into a bar and says "I'M WALKING INTO A BAR!" The barman says: "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a meta joke."

The woman says nothing, but he pours her a free drink anyway.

Why?

Only because he meta before.

Score: 5

A Roman walks into a bar.. ...raises two fingers and says "Five beers please".

Score: 2

A Roman man walks into a bar He sticks up 2 fingers and the bartender gives him 5 beers

Score: 4

A man walks into a bar... and he lost the limbo contest.

Score: 5

An Irishman walks into a bar. An Irishman walks into a bar. The bartender says "Where you from?"

Irishman says "Dublin"

Bartender: "oh really?"

Irishman: "No, O'Reilly."

Score: 6

An Irishman walks into a bar... Just kidding he was born there and never left

Score: 8

A blind man walks into a bar... And a table...and a chair...and the waiter...

Score: 4

A man walks into a bar and takes a seat. He later gets arrested for petty theft.

Score: 7

A blind man walks into a bar.... then a table, and then a chair.

Score: 5

A man walks into a bar and takes a seat... The bartender shot him before he even made it back to the door.

Score: 3

A german walks into a bar and orders one martini. The bartender asks:
"Dry?"
The German replies
"No, one you dumbass!"

Score: 8

Man walks into a bar where DMX is the bar tender and orders a double entendre... And X *gives it to him*

Score: 2

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double-entendre. So he *gives it to her.*

Score: 2

A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. So he gave her one.

Score: 3

A Roman walks into a bar... He says "I'd like a martinus," the bartender replies "don't you mean a martini?", the Roman replies "if I wanted a double I'd have asked for one.'

Score: 2

So a black man walks into a bar The bartender says, "we don't serve your kind here" he says "that is ok, are the whites fresh?"

Score: 1

A very tall and handsome man walks into a bar and suffers a mild concussion.

Score: 6