Hilarious Meeting Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Meeting Jokes

I wasn't sure what to wear to my Pre-Mature Ejaculators Anonymous meeting... so I just came in my pants.

Score: 9690

Hipsters I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is "conjoined twins".

Score: 2492

I went to my first Fight Club meeting last night Unfortunately I arrived 10 minutes late so I missed the introductions but I must say I had a fantastic time I'd recommend it to everyone.

Score: 1627

Score: 1540

fight club I went to my first fight club meeting last night, i showed up late so i missed the first few rules but it was awesome i love fight club cant wait for the next meeting

Score: 1152

My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father. But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.

Score: 647

My father complained "I've been using a dating app, but I'm only meeting Middle Eastern men." Dad, you're using Uber.

Score: 499

I only date black girls because I hate meeting fathers.

Score: 344

I was nervous about meeting new people on a cruise... ... until I realised, we are all in the same boat.

Score: 250

What company is the best at meeting deadlines? The Make a Wish Foundation

Score: 222

I didn’t know what to wear to my first Masturbaters Anonymous meeting the other day... So I just came in my pants

Score: 214

On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says “I will destroy America...” Trump replies, “No way, that’s my job. I won’t have another asian stealing an American job.”

Score: 189

My boss phoned me and he wasn't happy. "You're late!" he yelled. "We've got an important meeting in ten minutes!"

I said, "I'm on my way to my car as we speak."

He said, "Do you think you'll make it?"

I said, "Probably, it's only a few feet away."

Score: 157

A CEO and his board of directors gather for a meeting CEO: We need to stop testing our products on animals.

BOD: Why? Shampoo companies do it all the time.

CEO: Yeah but we make hammers

Score: 143

I've just discovered the quickest way to call a family meeting. I turned off the WiFi router and simply waited in the room where it's located.

Score: 134

Mexico's president says he will not go to the U.S. for a meeting with Trump The wall's not even finished and it kept a Mexican out!

Score: 122

Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts meeting I see a lot of new faces today.

Score: 115

So there I was hard at work Then all of a sudden my boss tells me to step out of the meeting because I was making my colleagues uncomfortable

Score: 92

This chick came up to me and claimed she recognized me from a vegan meeting but I'd never met herbivore

Score: 91

I couldn’t decide what to wear to my premature ejaculator’s anonymous meeting the other day So I came in my pants

Score: 90

An American, Frenchman, Israeli, Spaniard, and a German are on a video call. Their boss logs in and starts the meeting by askng "How's my connection, can everybody see me alright?" They answer: "yes", "oui", "ken", "si", "ja"

Score: 88

Quick dating joke -I only date black girls.
-Why?
-Because I hate meeting fathers

Score: 81

My friend and I had arranged a meeting to insult each other but he didn't show up It was a diss appointment

Score: 81

I hate meeting dads. That's why I only date black girls.

Score: 67

Everyone has a certain joke they always tell when meeting new people Personally, I enjoy talking about my life

Score: 55

I had to cancel my dsylexics meeting tonight I never go out on Friday the 13th

Score: 54

Why was the meeting for impotent men cancelled? They knew no one would come.

Score: 53

My friend went to his premature ejaculators support group weekly meeting today He later found out it was tomorrow

Score: 53

I only date black chicks cause I hate meeting fathers..

Score: 50

I like dating black girls because...... ...I hate meeting dads

Score: 48

So a man is at an airport. He approaches the Customs officer, passport in hand.

The customs officer looks it over and says, "So is this trip business or pleasure?"

The man sighs. "Neither. Im meeting my wife."

Score: 32

Do you know why I only date black girls? Because I hate the awkwardness of meeting a girlfriend's dad

Score: 32

At a Plastic-Surgery-Addicts-Anonymous meeting “Ah, I see we have a few new faces here today.”

Score: 31

I am meeting with a private detective in one hour... Can someone please tell me where Cognito is?

Score: 30

I went to first time Fight Club meeting last night. Unfortunately I arrived 15 minutes late, so I missed the introductions but I must say I had a fantastic time I'd recommend it to everyone

Score: 26

This happened at a meeting with my boss: Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?

Me: I Excel at it!

Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?

Me: Word.

Score: 24

Why did the cow cross the road? To get to her Women's Rights meeting

Score: 21

What's the worst part about meeting someone with Parkinson's? Shaking hands.

Score: 16

In the wake of Trump meeting the "President of Virgin Islands", it remind me the two sides of Trump's brain: "left" and "right"... In the left side, there's nothing right.

In the right side, there's nothing left.

Score: 16

I hate meeting girls dads That's why I date black women.

Score: 14

New Meeting Jokes

Two friends are meeting in a bar Friend1: My wife and I got a new pet.

Friend2: Cool, what is it? A cat? A dog?

Friend1: Neither. It is a skunk.

Friend2: Oh gosh. Isn't it smelling totally awful in your home?

Friend1: Well, the pet will have to get used to it.

Score: 0

Meeting anyone is dangerous now You never know, they might be a virus link

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How do you know a chef is Italian? They'll tell you within moments of meeting them. Don't worry.

Score: 0

What do you call a meeting between a pornstar and their fans? A beat and greet

Score: 8

Help! I need a joke about accountants by tomorrow! No joke, but I need a joke about accountants to open a meeting tomorrow. Preferably a long one. Please help I know how good you guys are at this!

Score: 4

Before he died, I had the pleasure of meeting Steve Jobs. I asked him "can you give a young man advice on how to succeed?" He gave me a confused look and said "just put the seed in your mouth and the sucking should come naturally."

Score: 3

A man joins an atheist club at his school and at the first meeting says "Hello, I'm Christian" and the leader of the club kicks him out. It's difficult being an atheist named Christian.

Score: 4

Why did John enter his work meeting with a pan, chicken and a bag of vegetables? He thought it was casual fry day.

Score: 1

Welcome to the meeting where we give away Spanish cars Please take a SEAT

Score: 1

I went to my psychiatrist for burning a man who happened to be my psych. Well at least now I know his name. It was nice meeting Sigmund Fried

Score: 1

Did you hear that the guy who sang "Paralyzer" got banned from meeting the Stranger Things cast? Apparently he wanted to Finger Eleven.

Score: 2

When is the procrastinators meeting? Tomorrow

Score: 6

Three great things about aging First is meeting new friends

Second I can’t remember

And the third is meeting new friends

Score: 2

Hello everyone, and welcome to the first meeting of the simon says club! Please have a seat!

\-sigh\- looks like we have some work to do

Score: 9

I kept getting kicked out of AA meetings for being too "preachy" and "unreservedly irrelevant". But they're living in the past and I want to help push us into the future... That's why I'd like to invite you to the inaugural meeting of Li-ion.

Score: 1

An atheist, a feminist, and a Trump supporter walk into a bar I know because they each told me within the first 10 seconds of meeting them.

Score: 1

In the middle of a very important Overwatch meeting, Reinhardt abruptly gets up and leaves Another member asks him where he's going.

"I have been called. I must answer. Always."

"Who called?"

"Nature."

Score: 2

I met with my lawyer to discuss my will... During the meeting he asked me about funeral arrangements. I told him I was thinking of having an open casket funeral. Remains to be seen.

Score: 2

What's happened if you've run out of time and have had to get home before meeting your date? You've been clock blocked.

Score: 3

Why do white boys love dating black girls Because they don't have to worry about meeting her father

Score: 3

Why was Putin early to his meeting? He was Russian.

Score: 1

A meeting with my therapist Therapist: How do you feel?

Me: With my hands.

Therapist: Do you deflect a lot?

Me: Only sharp objects. If it's fluffy, I just let it hit me...

Score: 3

This morning I went to my premature ejaculators meeting. Turns out, it's tomorrow.

Score: 3

Anti-Vaxers are meeting today to change their name After finally debating for awhile, they all agreed on Pro-Disease.

Score: 3

What's the difference between a Klan meeting and a court room in the south? Just the dress code.

Score: 1

I can't make it to the erectile dysfunction meeting Something came up

Score: 8

Hey girl, do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Just enough to be awkward when meeting a girl, hi my names steve.

Score: 5

A terrorist blows himself up at a Star Trek convention. It's a bit awkward five minutes later when he's meeting his 72 virgins.

Score: 1

Did you hear about that antisocial persons meeting? No one showed up.

Score: 1

What do you call a meeting of short sickly Irish men Leper Con

Score: 2

I just came back from my Skeptics Meeting... You wouldn't believe what this one person said!

Score: 1

Local story: Community master cleanse meeting tonight Poos at 11.

Score: 2

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I came early.

Score: 1

I only date black girls Because I hate meeting my gfs' father

Score: 6

Russian Intelligence has a meeting prior to the US election... Russian Intelligence has a meeting prior to the US election to decide the strategies to meddle with the elections. The boss starts the meeting saying, "Let's Putin Trump."

Score: 1

AA meeting: "Hi I'm Chad and I've been sober for forty days" "Not in a row or anything, just total."

Score: 10

What does a logical person wear to a low-key meeting? Business causal

Score: 2

Today, i will be calling all the cockroaches and rats Today, i will be calling all the cockroaches
and rats in my house for a meeting so we can discuss how we will be sharing the rent because i don't know who owns the house anymore.

Score: 4

My girlfriend was nervous about meeting my parents. I told her that was normal. The first time I met them, I cried like a baby.

Score: 3

A Bostonian shooter opens fire on a Catholic meeting, killing 28 and injuring dozens more. The newspaper headline the next day reads:
"A Massive Massacre Occurs at Mass in Massachusetts."

Score: 4

What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a meeting full of lawyers? The caterer.

Score: 3

Meeting of optimistic racists Half-whites ok

Score: 2

What kind of cookie is awkward and unprofessional to bring to a business meeting? A snickerdoodle

Score: 1

I'm supposed to be meeting a private detective in an hour. Can someone please tell me where "Cognito" is?

Score: 1

Trump and Kim meeting for the first time "Hi, I'm Glorious Leader. I'm the best ever and I'm going to destroy the world with sociopathic aggression and dumb-fuckery."

"Hello, Mr. Trump. I'm Kim Jong Un."

Score: 2

Why do ghosts have trouble meeting girls at bars? Because they're only there for the boos.

Score: 13

My New Years Resolution was to cut all my old ties, so that is exactly what I did. But now I have a meeting and need to buy a new one to wear.

Score: 2

Memo for our next sewing club meeting! Oops wrong thread!

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A teen walks into a girl scout meeting. They're learning how to tie different types of knots.

The girl says "Can I join you?"

They reply "Can you knot?"

Score: 3

How Donald Trump's meeting with Barack Obama on Thursday will go down: Trump: "Barry, you're fired"

Score: 2

In a meeting at work today someone said they had purchased a company seal... I asked if it does any tricks.

Score: 2

I tried to join the Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting but all the seats were taken.

Score: 3

How do you host an amnesia support group on a budget? The moment they show up, tell them the meeting went great and their speech was inspiring.

Score: 8

An aspiring and deserving executive is meeting the CEO for drinks at his home The CEO says “Let me fix you a drink and then we can talk about which division you would lead.”

She asks for a double entendre. So he gives I.T. to her

Score: 1

Whats the best part about dating a Black girl? You don't have to worry about meeting her Father

Score: 10

Got invited to a chair meeting the other day but no one turned up They stood me up

Score: 1