Mike Tyson Jokes

Neil Degrasse Tyson and Mike Tyson have something common... I don't understand what either one is saying, but I know I'll end up seeing stars.

What do you call Mike Tyson on drugs? Methed Up

Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death? As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?

What do you call Mike Tyson without any arms? Whatever you want

Mike Tyson Opens a Strip Club When they are open, the sign says: "Open"

When they aren't open, the sign says: "Clothed"

Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging The word was Dictate.

[Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?

[Mike Tyson] She liked the way my Dictate

Why did Mike Tyson bring his calculator to church? He was invited to thunday math.

What did Mike Tyson say when he saw Breaking Bad? That's methed-up!

Why couldn't Mike Tyson go to the laundromat? Because it was clothed.

What happens if Mike Tyson carries around Mjölnir all day? He gets thor arms!

What's the difference between Mike Tyson and DJ Kahled? Tyson went down eventually.

What does Mike Tyson say after a good workout with the Avengers? I'm Thor.

Did you hear about the new Mike Tyson computer? It has two bytes and no memory

I met Mike Tyson and he had his tiger with him. I said, "Wow! I can't believe you actually have a tiger! I thought that was a myth." He said, "Well you were mythtaken."

How did Mike Tyson open the door to alcoholism? Withkey.

Why does Mike Tyson refuse to buy playstation ? Because he is an x-boxer

What did Mike Tyson say to Van Gogh? You gonna eat that?

Mike Tyson wanted me to add him online But I couldn't find him on faithbook.com

Who is the only man to record more knock outs than Mike Tyson? Bill Cosby

What did Mike Tyson say when he saw mold? That's growth.

What do you call Mike Tyson on amphetamines? Methed Up.

What do "Jingle Bells" sung by Mike Tyson and a green and red g-string have in common? They're both Christmith Thongs.

Mike Tyson and the son of Odin got into a fight. They're both thore today.

How does Mike Tyson like his bath? Grilled.

Why did Mike Tyson cross the road? To get to the other thide

What did Mike Tyson say to Vincent Van Gogh? You gonna eat that?

Courtesy of my 9 year old son.

what do Mike Tyson and outdoor patios have in common? They're both roofless.

How did Mike Tyson feel after being hit by Mjolnir? Thor.

Mike Tyson had something to tell me... So I lent him an ear.

What do you call Mike Tyson with no arms and no legs? Anything you want.

Why could no one believe in Mike Tyson's new boat? Because it was unthinkable

What is Mike Tyson's favorite type of math? Mathturbating.

Charlie Sheen and Mike Tyson are in a car. Who's driving? The cop.

Mike Tyson learned you'll have hits and misses but... ...just don't hit the Mrs.

What did Mike Tyson say to the drug addicts who were playing tag in his front yard? Quit mething around.

Did you hear about Mike Tyson’s new band where he plays the sewing machine? They really utilize their thimbles.

What did Mike Tyson say after going three rounds in the ring? Epthtien didn't kill himthelf.

Mike Tyson was one of the best in his career. Yet Bill Cosby still had more knockouts.

What song does Mike Tysons sing to himself as he's getting dressed in the morning? Closing Time