Hilarious Mirror Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Mirror Jokes

How do you know a blonde has been trying to commit suicide? There are bullet holes in the mirror.

Score: 2674

The problem with kissing a perfect 10 Is how cold the mirror feels on your lips.

Score: 1276

Why do French tanks have a rear-view mirror? So that they can see the battlefield

Score: 1022

Dad puts the car in reverse, looks in the rearview mirror and says... "Ah, that takes me back."

Score: 861

My girlfriend was standing nude... in front of a mirror and she wasn't happy with what she saw.
She said, "I'm fat and I am ugly I really need a compliment right now."
To which I replied, "Well your eyesight is near perfect..."

Score: 710

Score: 639

As I looked at my naked body in the mirror... I thought to myself, "I'm going to get kicked out of Ikea any moment now."

Score: 600

I was out drinking with a friend and saw two old drunks across the bar. I said, “that’s totally going to be us in 10 years.” He said, “that’s a mirror, dipshit.”

Score: 595

Give me a compliment. A woman looks into the mirror and says to her husband: "I feel fat, old and ugly, give me a compliment". The man replies: "Your eyes are still working great".

Score: 451

I spent my whole life being proud of my British heritage until I found out that my Great Grandfather was actually from Transylvania Now I can't even look myself in the mirror.

Score: 432

A woman walks into a butcher shop "How much for the pig's head?"

"Ma'am, that's a mirror"

Score: 340

My wife looked at herself in the mirror and said to me... 'All I see is a fat, ugly woman, can you say something nice about me to make me feel better'

'Of course' I replied 'Your eyesight is perfect'

Score: 339

A blonde tried to commit suicide Police found six bullet holes in her mirror.

Score: 254

I spent my whole life being proud of my British heritage, until I found out that my great grandfather was actually from Transylvania... Now I can’t even look myself in the mirror...

Score: 221

Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir? Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me.

Score: 220

An ugly, broke, single man stood in my way So I moved the mirror

Score: 217

The best way to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a mirror. The restaurant will ask you to leave before you can eat too much.

Score: 163

The problem with kissing a perfect 10 is that Sometimes it’s cold when your lips touch the mirror

Score: 154

A couple of friends are drinking at a bar One friend spots a couple of old drunks at the end of the bar and says "that'll be us in ten years".

The other friend looks and says "That's a mirror dumbass".

Score: 130

I'd really like to start a career in mirror washing It's something I could really see myself doing.

Score: 128

I've decided I want to start a career in Mirror Cleaning It's just something I can see myself doing.

Score: 125

How I lost my job as a hairdresser. I had just about finished styling a very wealthy lady's hair. I put down the hair dryer, and placed a hand mirror behind her head. "OK, how's that?", I asked.

She sniffed, and said "more volume."

#"OK, HOW'S THAT!?"

Score: 102

Two old drunks I was sitting in a bar with my friend and I noticed two old drunks across the bar from us. I laughed and said, "That's us in ten years." My friend replied, "That's a mirror, dipshit."

Score: 99

Good eyes A woman standing in front of a mirror and telling her husbband: "I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. But will you still give me a compliment?

The husband replies: "Your eyesight is still excellent".

Score: 98

The rear view mirror fell out of my car a couple of months ago and I have never replaced it. Haven’t looked back since.

Score: 96

A police officer pulled me over and said "Sir, please identify yourself" So I took out a mirror and replied "yeah, it's me"

Score: 95

Two men are drinking in a bar. One of them looks across the bar and sees two old drunks sitting at a table. He turns to his friend and says, "In ten years, that'll be us."

His friend looks and says, "That's a mirror, dumbass."

Score: 75

Still can't decide if I need a mirror or not I need to reflect on this

Score: 73

Complimenting the wife My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment.'
I replied, 'Your eyesight's perfect.'

Score: 70

My wife accused me of fogging up our bathroom mirror But I really can't see myself doing that.

Score: 57

I've finally found a job I can see myself in. I start at the mirror factory tomorrow!

Score: 51

Can someone explain this joke my dad told me? My dad told me there was a joke inside of the mirror but all I ever see is that one kid he always hates and gets mad at.

Score: 51

I want a job as a mirror cleaner... It's something I can see myself doing.

Score: 50

I've always wanted to work in a mirror factory It's the only thing I could see myself doing

Score: 43

The driver & Police Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"

Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me."

Score: 40

I've always wanted to be a mirror salesman It's just something I could see myself doing

Score: 36

I kicked my rear-view mirror addiction... I'm never looking back.

Score: 34

A nude woman is standing in front of her mirror She says to her husband,

"I feel horrible, I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment."

The husband : "your eyesight is perfect."

Score: 31

Instead of a wall we should put up a giant mirror So when Mexicans try to cross they will read "welcome to Mexico" and turn around.

Score: 22

A woman is looking at herself in the mirror "Ugh I look so old! My skin is sagging, my hair is turning gray, I've got crows feet..."

Her husband says, "well, at least your eyesight is intact."

Score: 21

New Mirror Jokes

Went into the barbers, I said “I want you to cut my hair like David Beckhams”. He cut my hair and I looked in the mirror!

“David Beckham doesn't have his hair cut like that!!??”

Barber says; “He does if he comes in here!!!”

Score: 4

What's the difference between a sperm and a mature sperm? One you look at through a microscope. One you look at in a mirror.

Score: 1

If you think about it, the Queen from Snowwhite isn't really the villain. She got framed by the mirror.

Score: 0

What did the black hole see when it looked at itself in a mirror bent over backwards? a black hole

Score: 1

Mirror mazes always make me depressed All around me are familiar faces

Score: 5

In an effort to avoid trouble on Friday the 13th, I stayed at home. And ended up breaking a mirror.

Score: 3

What did the mirror say when you looked at it? You’re face is cracking me up!

Score: 3

A college student looks at himself in the mirror and says “You will graduate, you will get a degree and you will leave with relief.” The mirror says, “After some reflection, I’ve decided you’re right.”

Score: 3

. Me: (looking in the mirror an fixing my hair)
Sibling: the mirror would break when you look in it because you so ugly!
Me: well it wouldn’t break for you because YOU WOULDN’T EVEN FIT IN THE MIRROR.
Sibling: ...

Score: 0

I asked Google to open up the mirror application for me I got redirected here instead

Score: 2

My psychiatrist asked me how do i see myself Apparently in a Mirror was the wrong answer

Score: 4

Magic Johnson walks into the mirror portion of a fun house... Visual Aids.

Score: 2

Every night I come home to an ugly, fat and disgusting man, if I see him one more time, I'm gonna remove my mirror

Score: 1

Guy 1: what kind of car is an ixat? Guy2: never heard of it, where did you see that? Guy 1: I was stopped at a red light, looked in my rear view mirror and there was a yellow car with " ixat" written on the hood behind me.

Score: 1

To whoever stole my full length mirror... Please go take a good hard, long look at yourself.

Score: 1

I'm gonna go cry in front of a mirror. I'll see myself pout.

Score: 7

A stoned guy holding a mirror... While he's looking at his face...

He tells his friend: this face is familiar.

The other stoned guy takes the mirror...

And says: you idiot thats me.

Score: 6

I work in a mirror factory I broke a polishing machine a few days ago and my boss told me to reflect on what I've done.

I told him I couldn't because the mirrors were too blurry but I'll polish on my actions

Score: 3

What did the cheese say when it looked in mirror Haloumi

Score: 7

A llama saw it self in the mirror It was the spitting image

Score: 2

I caught my chin shaving in the mirror. That's when I knew the LSD had kicked in.

Score: 2

What did the cheese say to the mirror Halloumi!

Score: 6

"Mom, Daddy's drunk" "Why do you say that?"

"He's shaving the mirror again.."

Score: 20

Honey, can we buy a mirror? I need something that can actually turn me on in this house.

Score: 8

Everyday before going to work I look at the mirror, point and say "hey there good lookin'" Is is a very nice mirror after all.

Score: 1

I'm tired of looking in the mirror and seeing someone I hate. Time to scrape that guy's face off my mirror.

Score: 1

Sitting in a bar having a drink with a friend.. I casually pointed at two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and said "thats us in ten years"

He said "thats a mirror you dipshit"

Score: 12

While touring the White House, Trump reportedly walked into a mirror and said... "Pardon me."

Score: 4

There's only one problem when kissing a perfect ten. The mirror always feels so cold on your lips :(

Score: 1

The woman that invented the mirror is now obsessed with her job as an opera singer. She's an avid diva.

Score: 2

A woman looks at herself in the mirror in disgust. Woman: I feel really horrible. Look at me, old, fat and ugly. I think I have lost my charm.

Man: Hmmm, well it isn't all bad.

Woman: What do you mean?

Man: At least you have perfect eyesight.

Score: 3

Tired of not seeing his reflection, a vampire burned down a local mirror shop.. I saw it happen.. others say it was all smoke and mirrors.

Score: 2

I just got pulled over for speeding and the cop asked me to identify myself. I sat up straight and looked in the mirror and said... "Yes. That's me."

Score: 7

Q: Why can't Theresa May look herself in the mirror? A: Because she has no reflection

Score: 3

“Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the prettiest of them all?” “OK, could you step aside a bit? I can’t see, you’re too fat.”

Score: 1

"I'm too hard on myself," Said the narcissist jerking off in the mirror.

Score: 3

What did the mirror say to the icicle? If we had kids it would be a miracle.

Score: 16

Paddy was speeding down the motorway When the blue lights of the police appeared in his rear view mirror.

Pulling him over, the police man said "I've been waiting for you all day!"

Paddy replies "well, I got here as fast as I could!"

Score: 2

Wanna know the best part about making out with a perfect 10? The cold feel of the mirror on your lips.

Score: 11

Driving along the freeway I overtook a female driver doing her make up in the mirror.. I was so shocked I dropped my razor in my coffee.

Score: 6

Why french tanks have rear view mirror If they don't have some, they can't see what's going on on the battlefield.

Score: 5

My friend told me he wanted to be a mirror cleaner... I asked why, and he said, "It's the only job I can see myself doing."

Score: 2

Where is the best joke? In the mirror.

Score: 1

Teacher asked "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?".. I replied "id say looking in a mirror"

Score: 4

My doctor told me today I need to watch what I'm drinking Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Score: 12

I'm a lot like a mirror. People always just stare at me in disappointment.

Score: 4

Why are vampires so self absorbed? They can't see themselves in the mirror.

Score: 1

A woman goes in to a butchers shop Lady: Is that a pigs head in your window?

Butcher: No madam, it's a mirror.

Score: 6

What did one mirror say to his kid? "I see myself in you son."

Score: 14

This stupid mirror belongs in this subreddit... I mean, just look at it!

Score: 1

Police officer stops a speeding car and asks the driver.... Police officer: ''Can you identify yourself, sir?''

Driver(pulling out his mirror): ''Yeah, it's me.''

Score: 4

A police offer stops a man on the road. Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"

Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me."

Score: 1

Whenever I look in the mirror I call myself ugly. because it hurts more coming from someone pretty.

Score: 1

LISA GOPMAN: EATING DISORDER For as long as I can remember, I've had an eating disorder: reverse anorexia. It's when I look in the mirror and think I'm really skinny.

Score: 1

What did the cheese say to itself in the in the mirror? halloumi

Score: 1

Saw an ad for a mirror. It said "Never used". How, then, did they know it was a mirror?

Score: 8

You know what's a job I could really see myself doing? Mirror inspector.

Score: 2

Saw Bono kissing himself in the mirror. I looked at him in disgust and said.... "Get a room U2!"

Score: 2

If I committed suicide, I'd do it in front of a mirror... I'll see myself out.

Score: 5

Today I was naked checking myself out in the mirror and I thought to myself... "You know what, I'm probably going to get kicked out of Ikea pretty soon."

Score: 2