Hilarious Naked Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Naked Jokes

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked… I’m not sure what freaked him out more – my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

Score: 16281

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked... I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact I knew where he lived...

Score: 2969

A man cheats with his wife's sister Man: Calm down! You haven't heard my side of the story!

Wife: You slept with my sister!

Man: When i got to work she was just laying there naked on my table! What was I supposed to do?!

Wife: The autopsy!

PS: Didnt make this up

Score: 1822

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked... Not sure what scared him more; my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

Score: 1634

Saw a guy walking with a naked woman on his back. "You OK?" I asked. "Sure. I'm headed to a fancy dress as a tortoise."

"And her?"

"Oh, that's Michelle."

Score: 1447

What is Iron Man when he removes his suit? Stark naked.

Score: 1368

Score: 1338

A hot naked woman robbed a bank Nobody could remember her face

Score: 1182

Yesterday, I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book... Not only was it embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps...

Score: 1178

I sleep better naked Why can't this flight attendant understand that?

Score: 778

A naked women robbed a bank Nobody could remember her face

Score: 726

My husband called and asked if I could be naked before he gets home from work... ...I feel awkward sitting here with his mother, but whatever.

Score: 689

I posed naked for a magazine today Although from the reaction I got, I think the newsstand owner would have preferred money

Score: 645

As I looked at my naked body in the mirror... I thought to myself, "I'm going to get kicked out of Ikea any moment now."

Score: 600

I scared the mailman today by coming to the door naked I don’t know what scared him more, the fact that I was naked, or that I knew where he lived

Score: 503

I sleep better naked... ...why cant the flight attendant understand that?

Score: 420

I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book... Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost me a fortune in stamps.

Score: 396

I was tired and bored one night, so I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, “What’ll you have?” I said, “Surprise me.” He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

Score: 336

Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.

Score: 316

I scared my mailman by showing up at the door completely naked I'm not sure what scared him more; me being naked or me knowing where he lives.

Score: 240

I sleep better naked and it's more comfortable WHY CAN'T THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT UNDERSTAND THIS?

Score: 237

I greeted the mailman at the door naked He freaked out. Not so much because of my appearance, more because I knew where he lived.

Edit: a word

Score: 228

The brain The brain is a amazing organ it works 24 hours a day 365 days a year from the day you are born until you see your first woman naked.

Score: 218

Scaring the postman I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.

I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I know where he lives.

Score: 207

Usually when I get naked in the bath room The shower gets turned on

Score: 207

When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.

Score: 193

A naked lady goes to a bar, asks for a drink A naked lady goes to a bar, asks for a drink.
Bartender stares at her. Lady said, "Never seen a nude woman?"
Bartender replied, "Nah, just wondering, how are you going to pay?"

Score: 188

My wife got naked and told me to show her a good time So I showed her a picture of my friends and I before we got married.

Score: 185

A naked woman robbed a bank today... When authorities asked about the culprit no one could remember her face

Score: 171

I clicked on a link for a naked Trump leak. Turned out it was just fake nudes.

Score: 171

Wouldn't you all agree that you just sleep better naked? I don't understand why the flight attendant was yelling at me...

Score: 161

I freaked out my mailman today I freaked out my mailman today when I came to the door completely naked. I'm not sure what shocked him more, my naked body, or the fact that I knew where he lived.

Score: 108

I told my boss that when I get nervous, I like to imagine my audience naked... ... she said I should probably stop teaching the 2nd grade.

Score: 89

I decided to be naked in front of my dog for the first time today. He didn't even notice. I'm pretty sure the vet did, though.

Score: 51

A naked woman robbed a bank filled with men But nobody could remember her face.

Score: 50

My son wants to name our next dog Naked This way he can tell his friends he walked Naked around the block

Score: 48

Jake went over to pick up his girlfriend to go on a date. When he found her naked, he asked why.
"Well, because I don't have any dresses to wear!"
"Sure you do," Jake replied, opening her closet. "Here's a blue one, a red one, a green one- oh, hi Francis- a yellow one..."

Score: 47

I have seen my first naked lady Sorry, I meant...

I have seen my First Lady naked.

Score: 39

I scared the postman today by showing up to the door completely naked i scared the postman today by showing up to the door completely naked. im not sure what scared him more, the fact that i was naked, or that i knew where he lived

Score: 30

Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other, “I really don’t get how he could feed himself with that thing.”

Score: 24

New Naked Jokes

Breaking news: Melania Trump’s naked pics are now online Fake nudes

Score: 3

Where can you get both something naked a something clothed? A Strip Mall.

Score: 2

A very old couple are lying naked in bed, and the wife asks, "What would you do if I started smoking?" He replies, "Slow down and use some lube."

Score: 0

What do you call a manatee that gets naked for money? A manateezer.

Score: 1

Why are there so many naked men here? T’is is a holy place! Lord would never approve of this. Said the preacher standing under the Sistine Chapel.

Score: 1

Following is the chat between my two friends last night F1 : Everyone look at the moon to spot Jupiter(yesterday Jupiter was visible for naked eye)

F2 : I would rather look at Jupiter to spot Jupiter

Score: 2

An elephant meets a naked men at the lake "what? This is what you drink with???"

Score: 1

A man walks into a psychiatrists office. He's completely naked and wrapped in cling film. The psychiatrist says "I can clearly see your nuts!"

Score: 7

Usually when I get naked The shower gets turned on

Score: 18

They say that if you're afraid to speak to groups, imagine that they're naked... That's why I no longer work at the elementary school

Score: 1

Imagine being naked and walking into a room and everyone wants to touch you. That's the life of a dog or cat.

Score: 8

My uncle once told me to go to the basement and get Naked, I asked him whether he wanted Mighty Mango or Berry Blast.

Score: 4

Professionalism Fully Nude Lady gets into taxi, Driver looks at her top to bottom repeatedly..

Lady asks, "Haven't u ever seen a naked woman before?"
Driver: It's not that, I'm just wondering where have you kept the money to pay me..

Score: 3

A chef asked a server for some items from the back. The server returned naked with a smile and a can of whipped cream, and the chef angrily exclaimed...

"THIS IS NEITHER THE THYME NOR THE PLATES!"

Score: 2

What do you call a naked dwarf? The bare minimum

Score: 4

If a snake is shedding... Is it getting ssss-naked?

Score: 4

What do politicians, naked women, and electrons all have in common? **They change their behavior when being observed.**
(Does anything else?)

Score: 14

Highest level of confidence: walking around naked alone in my apartment. Lowest level of confidence: being caught walking around naked in my apartment.

Score: 13

Two elephants see a naked man One elephant says to the other: “I don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing.”

Score: 7

If you put your mind to it you can make any dream a reality. And that, officers, is why I am in this classroom naked.

Score: 6

What did Einstein's Wife say the first time she saw him naked? -Gosh what a physique.

Score: 1

Bank robbery suspect A bank in Manhattan was robbed by a naked woman yesterday.
"It is likely she'll never be caught" said Police "No one could remember her face."

Score: 2

The wife I'm in trouble with my wife. We were lying in bed naked and she says to me " What would you like to do most with my body?"

Apparently " identify it" wasn't the answer she was expecting..

Score: 8

My shower has a fetish for me.. Because when I step in naked it gets turned on.

Score: 17

Did you hear about the nun that loved to run around naked? They say she did it out of habit.

Score: 4

They say if you're nervous about something, just imagine everyone naked. That did NOT help when I was asking out this girl.

Score: 5

A chinese man is naked inside an elevator This is wong on so many levels

Score: 3

When I'm naked in the bathroom The shower usually gets turned on

Score: 5

A boy and a girl are playing naked in the sand, when the boy starts laughing at the girl that she does not have a peepee. The girl just grins and says... When I grow up, I will have as many peepees as I like.

Score: 14

Three nuns sitting on a park bench. Naked man runs by. Two had a stroke.

The other couldn't reach.

Score: 9

Did ya hear about the naked man in seran wrap? He went to the psychiatrist.
The doc said "I can clearly see you're nuts."

Score: 4

What do you call a photoshopped image of the President naked? FAKE NUDES!

Score: 3

How do you get a bunch naked people to chase your car? Tape a loaf of bread to the back of your car and drive in Ethiopia.

Score: 1

Why is it... That when Miley Cyrus licks a hammer naked it's called 'Music' and 'Art', but when I do it, it's called 'Property Damage' and 'Nudity' and I get kicked out of Home Depot?

Score: 5

A naked women once robbed a bank Nobody could remember her face

Score: 6

Punctuation is important when answering questions. If a woman asks you what sort of picture you want her to send you...

"Naked, baby" sounds a lot better than "Naked baby".

Score: 6

It's not what's on the outside that matters... What matters is what you look like naked.

Score: 7

A hunter was walking through the forrest..... When he comes across a beautiful naked women, she smiles seductively and says "Im Game big boy"!

So he shot her.

Score: 5

A naked woman enters a taxi The taxi driver stares at the woman until she asks
-"What are you staring at?" And the driver responds
-"Just wondering where you're gonna get the money from"

Score: 11

One simple trick to feel less nervous going to a nude beach Imagine your audience naked

Score: 1

An elephant sees a naked man. He says, "How can you eat with that thing?"

Score: 4

I wanna leave this world the same way I came in... naked with a cord around my neck.

Score: 1

Why couldn't the naked man's gun fire? It wasn't fully cocked.

Score: 2

"Gymnasium" in ancient Greek means "naked exercise"… …but try telling that to the receptionist at the health club…

Score: 15

Why was the physics teacher naked? He was drawing free-body diagrams!

Score: 2

A modest electrician... ...once saw a few naked wires, he immediately lowered his gaze.

Score: 1

Gary Johnson woke up the day after the election... Gary Johnson: "What happened? Am I president?"

Doctor: Sir, we found you passed out naked in the desert.

Gary Johnson: Far out man.

Score: 1

So I'm in my hotel room, it's the middle of the afternoon, I'm completely naked—and the maid walks in ...finally.

Score: 10

Naked man walks into a psychiatrists office wrapped in Saran Wrap. The doctor says, "Sir, I can clearly see yer nuts."

Score: 2

I just realised that every idea in shower thoughts has been thought by someone naked

Score: 1

I went to Kennedy Space Center to become an astronaut, but the scientists were not very supportive. They just said things like, "You're not qualified" and "Why are you naked?" and "I CAN'T CATCH HIM HE'S COVERED IN BABY OIL."

Score: 1

Two Elephants meet a fully naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other... ...I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!

Score: 2

Theres a naked man and a elephant in the wild. The elephant is drinking water from its nose and asks the human
"How do you drink out of that?"

Score: 1

Two Elephants Two Elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”

Score: 2

American nuclear response time is around four minutes. But eight minutes if you are using a cigar on a naked intern.

Score: 8

What did the suicide bomber say when he saw a naked girl for the first time? Nothing. He just exploded.

Score: 1

While driving home early one day, I saw a man running naked I pulled over and asked, "Why are you running like that?"

He answered, "Because you're coming home early."

Score: 2

Goth people wear black to reflect the color of their souls... Except ginger goths. They go naked.

Score: 13

Did anyone hear about the Grizzly who was sick of giving birth to naked cubs? She could barely bear to bear bare bare bears.

Score: 6

Today I was naked checking myself out in the mirror and I thought to myself... "You know what, I'm probably going to get kicked out of Ikea pretty soon."

Score: 2