Hilarious Neck Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Neck Jokes

Some bloke just told me he was gonna smack me with the neck of his guitar.... I said, is that a fret?

Score: 1965

Whats a fedora clad, neck bearded gentlemen's favorite color? M'genta

Score: 1616

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Why did the wizards wife have hickeys on her neck? Because he was a neck-romancer....

Score: 1257

Yo mama so fat... I pictured her in my head and broke my neck.

Score: 952

I brought my dead girlfriend back to life by passionately kissing her neck ...I guess you could say I'm a neck-romancer

Score: 624

This guy said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar.... I said, “Is that a fret?”

Score: 423

How does an ant put on a tie? With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke.

Score: 363

There was a man on a stool with a rope around his neck. He said he'll kill himself if i didnt give him a high-five. Of course i left him hanging.

Score: 156

Hand. Hand. River. Dirt. Gollum. Hobbits. Pockets. Pockets. Finger. Envelope. Fire. Hand. Neck. Neck. Finger. Hobbits. Neck. Neck. Neck. Pocket. Finger. LAVA. - The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, from the perspective of the ring

Score: 140

I used to by my dad a neck tie on father's day, but now I buy him an Asian hooker. It's better to buy a Thai that he'll actually use.

Score: 85

How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Score: 84

Manafort and Cohen flip on the President. Trump is convicted of treason. He is 'hung by the neck until dead.' Miraculously, minutes after his hanging, he walks out of the gallows and addresses the press: "Fake noose, folks."

Score: 79

Just had a guy threaten to attack me with the neck of a guitar I asked him, "Is that a fret?"

Score: 78

Someone said they'd attack me with the neck of their guitar... "Is that a fret?"

Score: 77

I always wear my Stethoscope around my neck So in an emergency, it teaches people a valuable lesson about assumption

Score: 68

Why are red neck murders so hard to solve? All the DNA samples match and there are no dental records

Score: 37

It wasn't fun breaking my neck last year But now I can look back and laugh

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Why are vampires like wizards? Because they’re neck-romancers

Score: 35

Why is a giraffes neck so long? Because its head it so far away from its body

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I've started wearing a stethoscope around my neck... So, if there's a medical emergency I get to teach people a valuable lesson about making assumptions based on someone's appearance.

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Many people who get something that’s incomplete will worry. But the man who buys a guitar with no neck does not fret.

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What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice? Neck-romance-y.

Score: 23

My vampire girlfriend doesn't give me any space She's always breathing down my neck.

Score: 22

I just ordered a realistic replica of my likeness from the neck up. Hopefully someday I can afford the full body option but... I’m getting a head of myself.

Score: 22

My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..." ...independent!"

Score: 22

A giraffe walks into a bar and orders a beer the bartender asks, "You want a long neck?"

The giraffe says, "I have a choice?"

Score: 19

Why does a giraffe need such a long neck? Because its head is so far away from its body.

Score: 19

I like to kiss my girlfriends neck. I guess I'm a neck romancer.

Score: 19

Having your neck fused is a huge decision... ...but once you do it, you'll never look back.

Score: 19

It's 1887 and a three-legged dog walks into a saloon, grabs the bartender by the scruff of his neck, looks him dead in the eyes and says... "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw."

Score: 16

I just put my neck on the line. But apparently that's not how you're supposed to do cocaine.

Score: 16

And the winner for the best neck wear is... Oh look it's a tie

Score: 13

What does a tornado and a red-neck divorce have in common? Either way someone's going to lose a trailer.

Score: 10

I knew a guitar player who died... He was going to a gig when he crashed his pickup into the bridge and broke his neck. It appeared his pedal had stopped working.

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Why was the lich's wife's neck covered in hickeys? He was a neck romancer.

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What do you call a red neck invasion? An incestation

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What do you call the first Neck beard Presidents wife? First M'Lady

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What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.

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I wanted a tatoo of a dorito between my neck and arm but I decided against it, as it would only have been a chip on my shoulder

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New Neck Jokes

Why does Frankensteins monster always look so unhappy? Why does Frankensteins monster always look so unhappy?

Would\`nt you be unhappy if you had your nuts on the side of your neck!

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I got rear-ended the other day and my neck still hurts. I think I'm going to they that Chinese thing with the needles... You know...heroin.

Score: 3

The scarf championships were close this year... The finals were neck and neck.

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Did you hear about the guy who says he saw a giraffe with a tail longer than it’s neck? I think he’s just telling tall tails

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Why is Invanka's neck so long? So she could peek out of her crib and see when daddy's coming

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I'm pretty excited I had my first chiropractic patient today! He was complaining about neck pain, but he liked the following adjustment so much he's been asleep for the past 4 hours!

Score: 2

I dont get people paralyzed from the neck down Just keep everything above your neck jeez people

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What's the most similar thing to a red neck without his sister? A man without his wife

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Why do giraffes have such a long neck? Because the head is so high up.

Score: 1

I've made a bard/rogue for DnD... His signature move is seducing the enemy with a dozen kisses, from shoulder to ear.

But apprently our party forbids neck-romancey

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Did you hear about the Giraffe and Ostrich race? It was neck and neck.

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Hear about the Death Mage who liked to kiss a victim's jugular before killing them? He was a neck romancer.

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And The Best Neck Wear Award goes to.... wait its a tie.

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kissed by a vampire? Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck.

Score: 4

Why did the wizard’s wife have hickeys on her neck? Because he was a neck-romancer.

Score: 2

My Viagara got caught in my throat and I choked... And now I've got a stiff neck.

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A man walks into a bar.. A man walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck and the bartender says "You can stay but don't start anything."

Score: 1

Whiplash is so annoying It's a real pain in the neck.

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A tough looking guy walks into a bar with some jumper cables hanging around his neck... ...The bar tender looks at the guy and says, "you can stay, but don't start anything!"

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Why didn't Daracula have many friends? Because he was a pain in the neck

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Have you ever had a vaginas around your neck? No? You've never lived!

Happy Mother's Day

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I wanna leave this world the same way I came in... naked with a cord around my neck.

Score: 1

Big Injury Update Aaron Hernandez (Neck)

Out Indefinitely

Score: 4

What do you call 25 lawyers buried neck-high in sand? not enough sand

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Why do zombies love necks? They were made by a neck romancer

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A coroner's job is easy Every death is 'natural causes'. "He was stabbed 15 times in the neck so, naturally, he died."

Score: 3

I went to see a hanging race today It was a close match, the two contestants were tied neck and neck

Score: 3

Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire. Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.

Doctor: Drink this glass of water.

Patient: Will it make me better?

Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.

Score: 3

What do you call a person that raises the dead and also had a thing for napes? A neck-romancer

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A priest trips over a tombhead and breaks his neck: He made a grave mistake.

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What's black & white and can't turn around in an elevator? A nun with a javelin through her neck.

Score: 3