Hilarious Number Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Number Jokes

I met a Jewish girl and she asked for my number. I told her we use names here.

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How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair? Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.

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I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions 1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

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Why is 6.9 the worst number？ It's a 69 interrupted by a period

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I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row… They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…

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An infinite number of people walk into a bar... The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer...

The bartender pulls out two beers and tells them to know their limits.

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My dad always said, "Work until your bank account looks like a phone number" so I did. Account balance: $9.11

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6.9 is the worst number ever. It's a 69 interrupted by a period

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0.666 ... beware the number of the millibeast.

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Mom, I'm dating a man. \-Whom, sweetheart?

\-Dante the mailman.

Dante the mailman? But he could be your father!

But mom, age is just a number.

Sweetheart, I don't think you understood.

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I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand It's seven

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I met a Jewish girl today and she asked for my number I told her we use names here

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I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

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I was changing some fuses at Buzzfeed... ... Number 14 shocked me.

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I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row... ...they told me I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts

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Did you know: If you say a number loud enough, you increase its value? For example: 5 equals 5, but

5! equals 120.

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If the number 666 is considered evil ..is 25.8069758 the root of all evil?

Edit: My first gold! Thank you kind stranger.

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I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand It's 7

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Why was Buzzfeed's editor found dead in the bathroom? Because number two shocked him.

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A while ago I had a blind date with a Jewish girl She asked me for my number.

I told her that we usually use names.

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If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state. We’s have a prime number of states and finally be “one nation, indivisible”

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I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday. That takes the number of girls I’ve made wet this year to -1.

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Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.

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Lazy people fact #4564321564 You were too lazy to read that number.

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1 and 2 went out for a walk in the snow. 1's hands got so cold that they went numb.

2's hands and feet both got cold, so he was even number.

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A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?" "Yes, it is," came the reply.

"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."

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Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed... like my name, phone number, address, etc.

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I can count on one hand the number of times I've been in Chernobyl. At least 14.

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When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. Things like, my job, my phone number and my address

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If the number 666 is considered evil... does that mean that 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil?

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Yeah, it's a math joke 17: Hey 11, want to hear a joke?

11: Sure.

17: What did one prime number say to the other prime number?

11: I give up.

17: "I can't even."

11 and 17 together: HAHAHA!!!!!

2: I don't get it.

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When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed My name, my address, my phone number

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In order to make a relationship work, you have to make a lot of sacrifices…. Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden…

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A woman giddily asks her husband... "Honey, if you could pick any number to represent me, what would it be?"

"Pi," said the husband.

"Oh!" she replied "That's interesting. Does it have something to do with circles?"

"No," he said. "But Pi is irrational, darling."

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Why is the number of black priests so small? Most of them run away after being called father once or twice

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Why do teenage girls travel in odd number groups? Because they can't even

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Why did the number 10 die? It was in the middle of 9/11

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Kinda scared for 2017 Because 2+0+1+7 is 10 - the exact number of nipples Hitler would have if he had 8 more

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The US just dropped a new single today It quickly became the number 1 hit in Afghanistan

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New Number Jokes

There's a lot of talk about making Puerto Rico the 51st state But I think the goal should be to get to 53 states.

A good solid **prime** number.



One *Indivisible* Nation.

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Roses are 6, yellow is a number I’m having a stroke, call a cucumber

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My ex girlfriend was obsessed with trying to discover the largest prime number. I wonder what she is up to now.

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If the number 666 is considered evil ..is 25.8069758 the root of all evil?

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Whoever figured out how to use your knuckles to remember the number of days in each month... ...had too much time on their hands...

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The number 10210... Is too intense.

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I can count the number of generations of inbreeding in my family on one hand It's 12

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The steps involved in constipation: 1) Sit on the toilet.

There is no number two.

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While most puns make me feel numb, Math puns always makes me feel number.

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My eight year old sister asked me what my unlucky number was "2009"

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What is the number one thing white people cook better than any other race? Meth.

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I wouldn't say pooping is my favorite activity..... But it's a solid number two.

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I've changed so much since my GF told me she's pregnant For example my name, address and even phone number

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I’ll never forget the day I met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party. She was standing there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat friend.

They’d gone together, dressed as the number ten. I knew there and then, she was the one.

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What's DJ Khalid's favourite number? 11 because it has another 1

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A Chinese man stumbles home late one night really drunk... Seeing his wife at the top of the stairs he says "hey baby how about a little number 69!"

The wife replies, "you drunk sonofabitch, make your own Mongolian Beef Stew!"

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It was reported that Roger Daltrey, Pete Townshend, John Entwistle, and Keith Moon just released a number of canines from the local pound It can now be said that The Who let the dogs out

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A young was boy learning to count and said the wrong number He didn't mean two

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I gave my number to a girl at the club She said she'd text me when she got home...

I guess she's homeless.

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If the number 666 is evil... ... does that mean 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil?

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I took the number 25 instead of the 52 today thanks to my dyslexia Whoops, wrong bus

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I really must get some glasses.... Today I walked into a brothel instead of a barbers!

I asked for a number 2 all over

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A base-12 number system is good in theory but it dozen stand a chance in practice.

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I, for one, like Roman numerals, Or the number of days it's been since someone has reposted this joke.

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What is DJ Khaled's favourite number? 11, because it has another one.

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For those who struggle with fractions: 6/5=Improper fraction,
5/5=Whole number,
4/5=Proper fraction,
3/5=Racist.

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What is the number 3s favorite crime? Trespassing

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There are 2 reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.

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New Years resolution Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st - they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year’s Resolution

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I own a vibrator powered by virgins. I posted my phone number on gonewild.

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What do you call a number that won't keep still? A roamin' numeral

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My least favorite number? Probably 288... It's two gross.

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I can count the number of times I've visited Chernobyl on one hand... Seven

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What is DJ Khaled's favorite number? Eleven. Because it has another one.

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Whenever I have a one night stand,I alweys use protection. A fake name and a fake number.

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Last night, a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82… I’m easily lead…

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Did you know condoms have a serial number at the very bottom of the ring? I guess you never had to roll it down that far.

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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a number 2 pencil.

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Do you know whats really odd? Any number not divisible by 2.

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Buzzfeed did a top 10 list of power measurements You'll never believe Watt's number 6

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How can Trump improve both his golf game and presidency? Reduce the number of downhill lies.

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I called the paranoia society hotline this morning… The operator answered and said, "How did you get this number?!"

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What do you call a fake number puzzle A pseudo-ku

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Almost all the girls I check out give me their number... To get the discount for their groceries of course

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1 and 1000 got high and shot each other in the arms 1000 cried in pain. 1 was ok because he was a little number.

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How do you get a jewish girls number? You roll up her sleeve.

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I was changing the 15 fuses at the Buzzfeed HQ building Number 5 shocked me.

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Buzzfeeds top 10 list of torture methods Number 7 will shock you

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Fastfood Clerk: Number 27! Double steak combo with extra fries!

Man: Right here!

Clerk: Here you go sir, sorry about your weight.

Man: Oh, it wasn't long at al- wait...

Clerk: >:D

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I saw a Buzzfeed article about the top 10 ways to execute someone. Number 3 will shock you.

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[AskReddit] I read that 4,156,257 people got married this year.... ....not to cause any problems, but shouldn't that be an even number?

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So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby. So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!

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I dropped a pencil in the bathroom. I guess you can say I dropped a number 2.

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Husband and wife on call A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone.

The husband is surprised, "Wow, that was quick - usually you women are at it for two hours at least!"

wife"Yeah, well, it was a wrong number."

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After my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. My address, my job, my phone number...

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2 is the only even prime number. It's kind of odd, isn't it?

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I learned 10 jokes about clickbait today. But I won't tell them. You wouldn't belive number 7 anyway.

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Why can't you fight an accountant ? They'll always out number you!

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Why was the binary number so happy? Because of two's compliment!

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So a mole goes into a club... And ends up getting Avogadro's number.

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