Hilarious Online Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Online Jokes

Online classified ad Premature ejaculator in need of smoking hot size 6 blonde.

Preferably with blue eyes and huge double d....

Nevermind.

Score: 11686

A lot of Russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys online. But it’s really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.

Score: 9316

Score: 3240

PS4/Xbox joke Oh no! Playstation and xbox online services are down! Someone call an ambulance! Wii U Wii U Wii U

Score: 1337

We conducted an online survey.... ...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.

Score: 962

I hate women who lie over the smallest things. My girlfriend of 2 months told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I looked it up online and that's not even a real magazine. So I packed my bags and left her.

Score: 695

What do you call an online lawyer E-legal

Score: 534

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing. Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

Score: 448

My 14-year-old daughter has finally met her online boyfriend in real life. Must be big love, haven't seen her for weeks.

Score: 430

I went on a blind date where her online profile said she had an infectious smile. Turns out they were cold sores.

Score: 410

A woman tried to order an exotic snake online A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves

Looks like the boa cons tricked her

Score: 384

I'm going out with a girl I met online who's a vegetarian... I've never met *herbivore*

:)

Score: 311

The worst part about online dating is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.

Score: 307

I went online and rated our Solar System Gave it one star.

Score: 271

What's the name of the fastest Chinese online game player? Lo Ping

Score: 232

My wife has just been diagnosed with breast cancer... Doctor told us that mastectomy will be necessary.

Today, I went online to see if there is any alternative...

Emma, 28 years old, NY. Looks cute...

Score: 221

I met someone online who shares my fetish for urinating on dried fruit... Next week we're going to go on a date

Score: 220

Arguing with strangers online is like wrestling sharks Even if you win, it was a really stupid thing to do.

Score: 168

I went to take an online ADHD test today... but gave up quickly because it was stupid and boring.

Score: 164

I tried to start an online bakery. But I accidentally deleted all my cookies.

Score: 145

As a 12 year old, online dating is a tough thing Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

Score: 145

Spotting Idiots Online I wish there was some way to identify idiots online.

Sent from my iPhone

Score: 116

If online bullying has taught us anything..... It's that people would sooner hang themselves than lose a bit of weight!!

Score: 109

My 14-year-old daughter has finally met her online boyfriend in real life. Must be true love, haven't seen her for weeks.

Score: 104

I was shopping online, and I was shocked to find how expensive my wife’s vibrators were. She is sitting on a small fortune.

Score: 99

In Germany, online jokes can be given as a sign of thanks. They call them danke memes.

Score: 96

I should have known Trump supporters online were Russians. Their English is too good.

Score: 96

I can't understand why my credit card keeps getting declined Every time I log into my account online it says I have an outstanding balance.

Score: 88

I built a staircase using an online tutorial! When I finished I thought something looked wrong so I went back to look at the instructions. I missed a step.

Score: 84

I was chatting with this cute 14 y/o online She said she was an undercover police officer. How cool for someone her age!

Score: 72

Thankfully, someone created an online resource for everyone who suffered retinal damage watching the solar eclipse. It truly is a site for sore eyes.

Score: 63

How does the Pope make online purchases? Using his Papal account.

Score: 59

I went on a date with a girl from an online dating website... ... I was worried she'd be fatter than she looked in her pictures. Turns out he wasn't.

Score: 56

Slow typing... After 25 years... I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. She asked me why am I typing so slow. I said because my other hand isn't free.
She's not replying anymore.

Lesson learnt
-Never smoke while texting..

Score: 55

I ordered a chicken and an egg online I'll let you know...

Score: 49

My friend said that he was going to try online dating. I said, "I didn't have much luck with it personally."

"But that's where *we* met," said my wife.

I said, "Exactly."

Score: 49

It's Albert Einstein, not mine Few things are Infinite,
The Universe, Human stupidity and the amount of times you have to tell your Mother you can't pause an online Game.

Score: 38

A 10 years old comedian once said: Online dating is tough.

Every time i meet someone new, they end up in jail.

Score: 34

A plane full of republicans had been captured by al queda They have posted a video online saying that unless the us government pays them ten million dollars, they will start returning them, one by one

Score: 33

What Do Sound Waves Say To Girls They Meet Online? Send nodes.

Score: 31

New Online Jokes

Breaking news: Melania Trump’s naked pics are now online Fake nudes

Score: 3

China Online What do you call a Chinese man with a slow internet connection?

Lo Ding

Score: 2

Online clases are like watching Dora the Explorer Online clases are like watching Dora the Explorer. The teacher asks a question, there’s a moment of silence, and then he answers himself.

Score: 8

What do my girlfriend and coronavirus have in common? They both leave me alone in my house with nothing to do but look them up online.

Score: 6

Doctors who specialize in vasectomies shouldn't have online reviews... They should have teste-monials.

Score: 4

You know what they say to guys who have big feet... “We don’t carry that size, try online.”

Score: 4

Online calendars are not for kids. They’re dating sites.

Score: 2

What's the best synonym for online dating? External Affairs.

Score: 3

Why did the female zombie join the online dating site? Because she wanted to find Mr. Wight.



I know its lame, but I wrote it myself, so I was proud.

Score: 2

I created an online website selling prayer mats disguised as land mines... Prophets are going through the roof

Score: 3

What do you get when you cross 18,684 people online and a meta joke 18,649 people correcting you and 10 upvotes

Score: 2

Before you buy... Before you buy that 'insert product' online, ask yourself: "Am I willing to delete one extra email every day for the rest of my life?"

Score: 2

Why did chicken from New York Times Online cross road? Sorry, you have reached your limit for free articles this month.

Score: 5

2000: Don't talk to people on the internet or get into stranger's cars 2017: Literally talk to strangers online to get INTO their cars.

Score: 9

My car was making a really strange noise last night. I went online to diagnose it... Turns out, my car has cancer.

Score: 9

I just tried to play the online Eskimo lottery. But you have to be Inuit to win it.

Score: 7

I was playing an online game when I saw 4 players teaming against a newbie so I came to help He didn't stand a chance against 5 of us

Score: 3

What was the name of the online barber? E-Clips

.... Couldn't resist

Score: 7

Game of thrones actors numbers leaked online Someone called Kit Harrington...

"Hello, who's this?!"

"It's Ben."

"Ben who..?!?"

"Ben-d knee."

Score: 1

Why are so many online nerds voting far-right? They are terrible at socializing.

Score: 5

What do you call a music group that has been participating in illegal activity online The Black IPs

Score: 18

So I tried taking one of them online personality tests... Turns out my personality is not connected to the internet.

Score: 1

Kids grow up so quick these days... Like just the other day, I was online talking to a 15 year old and she was an undercover cop!

Score: 4

What do you call an online game about cereal? Cheer.io

Score: 7

I researched spiders today... online

Score: 1

Know why online dating doesn't work for snakes? e-reptile dysfunction.

Score: 4

Did you hear about the guy who tried selling dendrobranchiata babies online? He got arrested for distributing child prawn.

Score: 2

I'm a shape-shifter who masturbates on online chat boards I come in different forums

Score: 4

The Galaxy Note 8 leaks have been released online It reveals that this time the phone will come with a "Detonate Now" app.

Score: 2

So I went on a date with a girl from an online dating website... I was worried she'd be fatter than she looked in her pictures. Turns out he wasn't.

Score: 15

I hate it when people lie to me... Like one time I broke up with a girl who told me she had a bunch of Abandonment issues. I looked it up online and it's not even a real magazine.

So I just up and packed my things and left in the middle of the night.

Score: 15

What do you call a scared online date? Chicken Tinder...

Ill see myself out

Score: 1

What do Americans with online student loans have in common with the French? They've both signed away their future without Le Pen

Score: 2

My friend was freaking out because our local Dominos wasn't answering his frantic, hungry calls. He then tried online and still no luck, the website had crashed. So i told him: Well y'know, when one falls...

Score: 1

I looked up car crash statistics online The results were very impacting

Score: 9

As a person with a speech impediment, I enjoy telling online jokes They're more of my type.

Score: 2

One of the dumbest things you can buy online is a dishwasher Sometimes they forget to poke holes in the box and she's dead when she arrives

Score: 4

How do Catholics spend money online? Papal.

Score: 3

How is playing an online FPS like eating rocky road ice cream? Because at first you're chillin with chocolate and marshmallows and then BAM - nuts in your mouth.

Score: 1

Online dating is tough even for a 13 year old. Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

Score: 8

Was talking to a lady online. Things were getting sensual. So I asked her if she liked guys with big dicks.

She replied " oh, yes baby! I do! .."

I apologized for wasting her time and said good night...

Score: 16

As a 10-year-old, I find online dating real tough. Every person I meet ends up in jail!

Score: 30

Online dating is tough "Online dating is tough", said a 10 year old.
"Everytime I meet someone new, they end up in jail."

Score: 4

Told the wife I was looking online for flights She was absolutely delighted!

How bizzare! She's never mentioned her interest in darts before

Score: 15

I had to stop dating someone that I met online. He didn't look anything like her pictures.

Score: 12

TIL the people most knowledgeable about something Are not the people that work in that industry, but their customers who have done a little online reading. /s

Score: 5

I remember the old days... When people would get mad if you read their diary. Now they post it online and get mad if you don't read it.

Score: 4

I was gonna play Zelda via online emulator, but didn't wanna close the site I was on... ...so I clicked "open Link in New Tab".

Score: 4

I met this 14 year old online, and she told me she is an undercover cop... How COOL is that for someone her age?

Score: 4

How do you tell if someone online is American? They keep their caps locked and guns loaded.

(Not the best and not original)

Score: 2

Never using online dating again. Last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison.

He meant prison.

Score: 3

My Grandma Discovered an online knitting forum She was upset the other day, apparently she used the *wrong thread* and the Mods banned her.

Score: 17

I just got fired for getting beauty tips online during my lunch break! my Boss said " Madison Ivy gets a facial" is not a video on beauty tips.

Score: 2

I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration. Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.

Score: 5

Why are lumberjacks bad at online video games? Because their connections are so weak they are always logging out.

Score: 1

Online dating is like a bakery You've got the flakes, the fruitcakes, and the tarts.

Score: 5

What do you call the Vatican's online payments system? The Papal PayPal.

Score: 3

What's Spider-Mans favorite online music app? Spotafly.

Score: 5

I met the love of my life through an online dating site Too bad my wife found out

Score: 29

I'm a graphic designer for an online casino I do a lot of arts & craps.

Score: 1