Hilarious Opposite Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Opposite Jokes

I spent hours trying to find what the opposite of “night” was. But, in the end, I just had to call it a day.

Score: 9061

My girlfriend dumped me today saying I was too childish But today is opposite day so it's all good

Score: 3503

The opposite of Microsoft Office is... Macrohard Onfire.

Score: 1916

Did you know that the majority of people don't know the opposite of these words? Always

Coming

From

Take

Me

Down

Score: 1262

90% of people are unable to solve this riddle by guessing the opposite of each word. Always



Coming



From



Take



Me



Down

Score: 1192

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? The pickpocket snatches your watch. The peeping tom does the opposite.

Score: 1175

A majority of English Speakers do not know the opposite of these words... Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.

Score: 961

Score: 808

Shout out to those who don’t know the opposite of in. They need the help.

Score: 692

What's the opposite of a microwave? A tsunami.

Score: 602

My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me! I want to go say hi but there's just so much history between us.

Score: 557

What is the opposite of adulting? Just kidding.

Score: 467

I pulled the shell off of my snail to make him faster Turned out it had the opposite effect, now he's a little sluggish.

Score: 435

The opposite of an assassin is a dickdickout

Score: 406

What's the opposite of a mermaid? Land Ho!

Score: 221

Hot Thai girl I was sitting opposite a really hot Thai girl on the train this morning.

I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection, Please don't get an erection."

But she did.

Score: 184

Son: Dad, what's the opposite of Karen? Dad: Umm, I don't know, Sharon...?

Son: But I thought Sharon was Karen.

Edit: Thank you u/Ri0tp0p0 and u/CulturedCroissant for the awards!

Score: 183

A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river... The brunette yells across, "Help me get to the other side of the river!"

The blonde yells back, "You *are* on the other side of the river!"

Score: 150

"Son, do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is?" "No dad," I say rolling my eyes.

"Mentos."

Score: 150

I was sat on the train opposite a cute Thai girl today and all i could think was "please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection"..... ... But she did.

Score: 147

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law "Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law

Score: 145

If the opposite of pro is con... Then that means the opposite of congress is progress.

Score: 128

What's the opposite of Microsoft Office? Macrohard Onfire.

Score: 127

What's the opposite of a waterfall? A firefly!

I will now leave.

Score: 111

What is the opposite of a protein? An amateur teen ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Score: 108

Two men meets on opposite sides of a river... One shouts "I need you to help me get to the other side!"

The other says "You are on the other side!

Score: 100

What is the opposite of Christopher Walkin? Christopher Reeve.

Score: 96

A very tough question to answer If con is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?

Score: 88

What's the opposite of women's studies? History.

Score: 84

What's the opposite of shot? Scold!

Score: 76

Two blondes are standing on opposite sides of a lake. One yells to the other, "Hey! How do I get to the other side!?",

to which the other replies "You are on the other side!"

Score: 75

What's the opposite of a Baldwin? Hair loss.

Score: 64

85% of Millennials struggle with figuring out the opposite of these words. Always
Coming
Take
Me
Down

Score: 57

If "con" is the opposite of "pro", Then isn't "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?

Score: 45

Shout out to people wondering ...what the opposite of 'in' is

Score: 31

An Englishman and an Irishman are standing on opposite sides of a river The Englishman asks "How do I get to the other side?"

The Irishman yells back "What'r ye talkin about? you're already there!"

Score: 22

Shout out to the people wondering what the opposite of in is. They'll find out one day.

Score: 21

So we all know con is the opposite of pro, right? Well, if pro and con are opposites, then what's the opposite of progress? Congress.

Score: 20

If pro is the opposite of con.... If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

Congress.

Joe Swanson - Family Guy

Score: 14

Why did the polish person marry someone from the other side of the country? Because opposite poles attract

Score: 12

New Opposite Jokes

What's the opposite of circumcision? Appendix

Score: 1

Why is it so easy to find your steering wheel on opposite day? It’s right where you left it.

Score: 1

What’s the opposite of a smart alec? A dumb Karen.

Score: 1

Whats the opposite of defeat? Da hands.

Score: 1

What's the opposite of George Michael? George Straight

Score: 1

What’s the opposite of a Mormon? An oxymormon.

Score: 9

What’s the opposite of Stephen Hawking ? Stephen Walking.

Score: 2

If cons are opposite of pros... that means congress is the opposite of progress, and... Constitution is the opposite of prostitution?

Score: 2

I bumped into two average Joes hanging out together, so I booked it the opposite direction... ... pair-a-normal activity freaks me out.

Score: 2

A horse walks into a bar and says: 'On a right triangle with sides X, Y, and Z, if X and Z are perpendicular, which side is opposite the right angle?' The bartender says Y, the long face.

Score: 5

A big shout out to... Everyone who doesnt know the opposite of in!

Score: 3

Here is why antijokes are not funny They are the opposite of jokes.

Score: 2

What drug is the opposite of truth serum? Liedocaine

Score: 5

What's the opposite of a devil's threesome? A holey trinity.

Score: 9

If the opposite of bachelor is bachelorette, what's the opposite of cigar? Living to see your grandchildren.

Score: 3

If pro means good and con means bad... What’s the opposite of progress?

Score: 12

Gorgeous Thai in a short skirt... ...was sitting opposite me on the bus, and I'm desperately thinking "don't get an erection... don't get an erection..."

but she did.

Score: 1

My friend keeps making statements, only to actually mean the exact opposite of what he says. And he just keeps doing it, over and over again, always! You could say that he is contraddictive.

Score: 1

If con is the opposite of pro... Then does that make congress the opposite of progress?

Score: 7

Computer disks are the opposite of penises. They got a lot smaller when they stopped being floppy.

Score: 3

What's the opposite of White? Yolk

Score: 1

Why do they call it spooning? Because it's the opposite of forking

Score: 2

Shoutout to anyone Who doesn't know the opposite of in.

Score: 1

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken.

EDIT: Reeve, not Reeves

Score: 2

pro vs. con If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?

Score: 1

College is the opposite of kidnapping They demand $100,000 from you or they'll send your kid back.

Score: 9

What should you do if you see the Fresh Prince of Bel Air on the opposite team in 'Titanfall'? Fire at Will.

Score: 4

What is the opposite of dominos ?? Domi doesn't know

Score: 4

What six letter word has an opposite meaning when it is reversed? The answer is united. When IT is reversed, it becomes untied.

Score: 7

The Race "Bound 2" Fail Why did Kanye West's daughter run the opposite direction at her race?
-When the race began her parents shouted "GO NORTH WEST!!!"

Score: 1

Shout out to the people . . . Shout out to the people who are still wondering what the opposite of in is.

Score: 4

My mom asked me to lay the table for dinner... I did the opposite and delayed it.

Score: 1

The opposite of George Strait... is George Michaels

Score: 5

Is there a difference between capitalism and communism? Yes, in principle. With capitalism, man exploits man. But with communism, it is precisely the opposite.

Score: 6

PQ syndrome When you point your weener in one direction, pee comes out the opposite.

Physically may be impossible, but scientists have concurred that alphabetically very much possible.

Score: 1

If con is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I miss Jon Stewart

Score: 1

TIL there are two Slavic nations located on the opposite sides of the globe. They are North and South Poles.

Score: 2

What Do You Call The Opposite of a Libary The Australia Parliament

Score: 1

2 cannibals start eating at opposite ends of body... Cannibal 1: "I'm having a ball."

Cannibal 2: "Boy you eat fast."

Score: 2

Two strangers in the street approached each other from opposite directions, each dragging their left legs. Glancing down at his leg, one man said: 'Vietnam, 1969.'

And the other said: 'dog doo, about a block ago.'

Score: 2

What's the opposite of Putin? Pull out

Score: 1

In America, everything is opposite of Britain For example:

In Britain, people drive on the left

In America, they drive on the right

In Britain, you watch the TV

In America, the TV watches you

Score: 9

What's the opposite of Mini Golf? Macro Polo

Score: 5

Weeaboos are the opposite of the patriarchy. Because instead of treating women like objects, they treat objects like women.

Score: 12

What's the opposite of a progressive? A French tank.

Score: 4

All this fuss over a film being stored on DNA But when Pee Wee Herman tried to do the opposite, everybody lost their minds?

Score: 2

What's the opposite of critical thinking? Critical theory.

Score: 5

Who's the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken

Score: 3

Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher? His life improved after he met the rock.

Score: 5

Stoned wife wants you to rate her joke Do you remember the type of animal that has a memory that is the opposite of an elephant's?

...

I forgot

Score: 2

About 90% of people do not know the opposite of these words... Always Coming From Take Me Down

Score: 5

What is the opposite of white? Prison.

Score: 2

If con is the opposite of pro it must mean Congress is the opposite of progress?

Score: 11

What's the opposite of marshmellow? Well, I guess it would be marshmadness

Score: 3

If "con" is the opposite of "pro".... What is the opposite of progress?

Score: 2

What's the opposite of Cristopher Walken... Cristopher reeve.

Score: 3

What is the opposite of Domino's Pizza? Domi doesn't know Pizza.

Score: 1

A refrigerator is the exact opposite of a drug addict. It starts off in a box and then moves to a house.

Score: 6

Pros are good and cons are bad, so... What's the opposite of constitution?

Score: 7

What's the opposite of the Virgin Islands The Caymin Islands.

Score: 1