Hilarious Paper Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Paper Jokes

Communism sounds good on paper... ...unless you’re reading a history book.

Score: 11086

I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper. I think he must be plotting something.

Score: 7489

What's the difference between communism and a pencil? The pencil works on things other than paper.

Score: 2936

A man arrived to a Duel with only a pen and a piece of paper He proceeded to draw his weapon

Score: 2011

I wrote the names of everyone I've de-friended onto a piece of paper. But my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint... Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.

Score: 1702

I got in touch with my inner self today. I'm never using cheap toilet paper again.

Score: 1309

I had a breakthrough today and got in touch with my inner self. That's the last time I use cheap toilet paper.

Score: 877

Score: 803

I bought a toilet brush yesterday But I gotta say that I still prefer toilet paper.

Score: 656

I ate the exam paper Which means that sooner or later I will pass the test

Score: 591

I got in touch with my inner self once... Never buying single ply toilet paper again.

Score: 452

I found out what that math teacher with graph paper from yesterday’s joke was plotting.... ...weapons of math instruction.

Score: 406

My teacher accused me of plagiarising my paper. His words. Not mine.

Score: 406

Today i got in touch with my inner self That's the last time I buy cheap toilet paper

Score: 377

Why do dentists only want to be awarded with paper certificates? They hate plaque buildup.

Score: 350

Got an A on my paper... Time to write the rest of it

Score: 333

China has been the most important country for American schools. Because they invented both paper and gunpowder.

Score: 309

I was reading in the paper today about a midget that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?

Score: 304

I read in the local paper someone was going around pickpocketing midgets. I never thought someone could stoop so low.

Score: 293

Toilet paper is sort of like the Starship Enterprise it circles Uranus looking for Klingons

Score: 266

A man enters a pun contest in a local paper... He loses. So the next year, he enters 2 puns, doubling his chances. He still loses. So the third year, determined to win, he enters 10 puns. He waits, hoping at least one of his puns will win, but no pun in 10 did.

Score: 238

I wrote a book on penguins... In hindsight, I realize that paper would have been much easier...

Score: 232

Lost: bucket of sand, silt, and gravel Great sedimental value.

(I can't take credit. Read it in a university paper 20 years ago.)

Score: 229

I wrote a book on penguins once.. Paper probably would've been better!

Score: 226

Did you hear about the cowboy who wore a hat made of paper towels? He had a bounty on his head.

...I'll see myself out. :-/

Score: 198

I asked my professor how long my paper should be. He said it should be like a woman's skirt... Long enough to cover the subject but short enough to be interesting.

Score: 147

After having Chinese food, my cookie was missing the piece of paper on the inside! It was unfortunate.

Score: 144

I was so poor growing up, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper… Now those days are behind me…

Score: 142

I don't trust people with graph paper. They're always plotting something

Score: 141

My dad has a piece of paper where he keeps a list of all his mistakes. He calls it my birth certificate.

Score: 140

I love relaxing with some sand paper It's just a little something to take the edge off

Score: 124

Have you heard my paper joke? It's tearable.

Score: 115

I had a breakthrough and got in touch with my inner self. That's the last time I buy single ply toilet paper.

Score: 109

From my nine year old... He walked up to me tore a piece of paper and walked away, I look at the paper it says "my puns" I ask what that was about, he says " I know... My puns are tear-able"... Thats my boy

Score: 101

I wrote down a list of everyone I hate on a piece of paper and my roommate use it to roll his joint.... He's now high on the list of people I never want to see again

Score: 92

I got a paper cut while writing my suicide note. It's a start.

Score: 80

I wrote down the names of everyone I hate, and my roommate used that paper to roll his joint. Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to see again.

Score: 64

A guy walks into a bakery He buys bread, and the baker asks if he'd like his bread bagged in paper or plastic. The guy replies, "Baguette however you want".

Score: 56

Write this joke down on paper Then it won't just be bad, it'll be tearable.

Score: 51

I once made a pun out of paper. It was tearable.

Score: 49

New Paper Jokes

A pair of twins were in a cake shop... They were looking for a birthday cake but just couldn’t decide on a topping.

Twin 1: “I want chocolate”

Twin 2: “I want skittles”

Twin 1: “How about we do Rock Paper Scissors?”

Twin 2: “Why would I want that on my cake?”

Score: 6

Why does KFC not have any toilet paper in their rest rooms? Everything is finger licking good.

Score: 24

I just recently decided to get a toilet brush. Long story short, I'm going back to toilet paper.

Score: 28

I just saw in the local paper "Barber busted for dealing drugs" and I was amazed. I've been a customer of his for years and I had no idea he cut hair.

Score: 5

Somebody help me practice rock paper scissors, I suck. Ill go first. ROCK.

Score: 5

My professor said to put my name on the top of my paper I was super confused. It was just too thin!

Score: 9

I’m not addicted to sand paper I just need something to take the edge off

Score: 22

What do the USS Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both circle Uranus looking for klingons.

Score: 34

Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind... it’s tearable.

Score: 6

What does toilet paper and the Avatar have in common? They disappear when the world needs them most.

Score: 32

Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road? It got stuck in a crack

Score: 40

Do you know how to cook toilet paper? No, but I do know how to brown it on one side.

Score: 49

I found a way to save 27 million tons of paper per year I signed up for e-mail receipts at CVS

Score: 13

Technology... Two guys... Hey do you think that someday technology will replace paper?... Well I think it will be quite hard to wipe with a tablet...

Score: 5

Why did the toilet paper stop rolling? It got stuck in a crack.

Score: 8

What did the pencil say to the suspicious piece of paper? I dot my i's on you!

-Heard this from an 85 year old lady in a nursing facility. The mental image of this joke is quite funny!

Score: 25

What does the crew to the enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both circle Uranus fighting Klingons.

Score: 9

What do you get when paper towels fall asleep? Napkins!

Score: 7

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? He got stuck in a crack.

Score: 5

What do you call a Paper Clip that is not used for paper? Useless.

Score: 8

Why did the girl take toilet paper to the party? She's a party pooper

Score: 10

How to use "had" 9 times in a row grammatically Suzy was writing a paper and asked John to edit it, which he did. In one section, John, where Suzy had had "had", had "had had"; "had had" had a much nicer sound to it.

Score: 6

I tried to write a suicide note today... I got a paper cut. I guess that's a start.

Score: 5

How do you win a fight to the death against The Rock? Use paper.

Score: 5

Why DIDN'T the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.

Score: 5

What do you call ripped paper? A piece of sheet.

Score: 6

Teacher: Why is your paper blank? Me: Sometimes silence is the best answer.

Score: 6

A pirate walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey pirate, what's with the paper towel on your head?"

The pirate replies, "Arrr, I got a bounty on me head."

Score: 38

Why is it considered spiritual to buy cheap toilet paper? Because you come to touch with your inner self.

Score: 8

I hate it when I run out of toilet paper and I have to make the trip to the grocery store in really small steps.

Score: 18

My professor wanted me to write an essay on existentialism... So I passed in a blank sheet of paper

Score: 11

What's the difference between Hulk Hogan and paper? The Rock beat hulk hogan.

Score: 6

A man entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in-ten-did.

Score: 7

How do you bake toilet paper? Well, I don't know either, I just know how to brown it on one side.

Score: 6

My school are such hypocrites. They promote recycled paper themselves... but when I do it? When I recycle papers, suddenly it's "plagiarism".

Score: 6

I got in touch with my innerself The toilet paper ripped

Score: 13

This joke is like paper Tearable

Score: 17

The interviewer asked me, "What's your biggest strength?" I took a piece of paper out of my pocket and read from it, "My biggest strength is that I'm always prepared."

Score: 16

So I finally got in touch with my inner self today... Never buying cheap toilet paper, again .

Score: 23

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.

(my 10 year old claims to have made this one up)

Score: 12

Did you hear the joke about the piece of paper? Nevermind, it's tearable.

Score: 8

The three stages of writing a paper: 1. putin it off

2. stalin

3. russian to finish

Score: 6

I was walking around a shady street late at night, and someone pulled a pair of scissors out at me. Fortunately, I pulled a rock. Had I pulled out paper, I would've have lost.

Score: 5

A student who never showed up to class or did the reading asked me to curve his final paper grade. I said yes. I took a red pen, scratched out the grade on the paper, then rewrote the F in cursive.

Score: 9

I wanted to watch the world Origami Championship on TV. But it was only on paper view

Score: 19

I've been getting in touch with my inner self recently... ...but I guess that's just what happens when you get single ply toilet paper.

Score: 5

"paper or plastic?" because baggers can't be choosers

Score: 8

How to write a paper at Moscow University: 1) Putin it off

2) Stalin it

3) And then Russian to finish it.

Score: 5

I got in touch with my inner self today at Disney World I can't believe that a multi billion dollar company can't afford 3 ply toilet paper.

Score: 5

In touch with your inner self. If you want to get in touch with your inner self, it's easy. Just buy single ply toilet paper.

Score: 8

Trump writing a term paper: Sources Cited:
1. You know it
2. I know it
3. We all know it

Score: 12

What do the U.S.S Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both circle around Uranus looking for Klingons

Score: 6

Why do we live on a giant rock, but ruled by money? Because paper beats rock.

Score: 6

I got in touch with my inner self today. Thats the last time I'm buying 1 ply toilet paper at the dollar store.

Score: 9

What is 4 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women crazy when they see it? An empty toilet paper roll.

Score: 12

What do you put in an oragami gun? Paper clips.

Score: 11

Why Did The Blind Student Get an F On His Paper? He didn't sight sources.

Score: 5

Why didn't the piece of paper move out of the way when a car came speeding towards it? Because it was stationary.

Score: 21

What's worse than a paper titty? A cardboard box

Score: 35

What does toilet paper and the Star Trek Enterprise have in common? They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

Score: 16