Hilarious Parents Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Parents Jokes

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again. Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

Score: 25751

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet... I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either.

Edit:*Wow thanks for the gold

Score: 21880

I couldn't join the KKK if I wanted to, my bloodline isn't pure enough. Turns out my parents weren't even related.

Score: 21474

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

Score: 19374

What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet? I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don’t know either.

Score: 16929

Father: “Son, you were adopted.” Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"

Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

Score: 15398

Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!?" I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

Score: 14161

Son, you were adopted Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”

Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

Score: 12170

Score: 10387

My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable. It was an autobiography...

Score: 10353

Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet. Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.

Score: 10168

Dad: Son, you're adopted. Son: Oh wow I wonder who my real parents are.

Dad: We are your real parents, your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.

Score: 8101

I thought of having a threesome But then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents

Score: 6774

My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable. It was an autobiography…

Score: 5376

My parents said that if I got a tattoo I'd have to get it in a place that didn't matter... So I got it in Appleton, Wisconsin.

Score: 3536

My parents told me ANYONE could become president. I didn't know it was a warning.

Score: 3193

I bet you can't name a useless, non functioning member of society. My parents did.

Score: 3133

What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet? I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.....

Score: 2917

Your parents in 1996: "Don't trust ANYBODY on the internet!" Your parents today: "Freedom Eagle dot facebook says Hillary invented AIDS."

Score: 2585

If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Score: 2565

My girlfriends parents are very religious. The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.

Score: 2318

My best friend is mad at me, because I sniffed on his sisters underwear.. Don't know if he is mad because she was still wearing it or because her parents where present.

Whatever, it was a strange funeral.

Score: 2280

I thought me and my girlfriend had something. She met my parents, brought me dinner and called me honey. Now suddenly... She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job".

Score: 2249

I've decided to marry a pencil I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B

Score: 2018

I googled "Rorschach Test" But all that came up were pictures of my parents fighting

Score: 1993

Remember when you were a kid and when you cried your parents said, "I'll give you a reason to cry"? I always thought they were gunna hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

Score: 1739

Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb I said, "Awww, are you an orphan"?
He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents."

Score: 1608

Who is this Rorschach guy??? And why did he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

-Rob DenBleyker

Score: 1385

Who is this Rorschach guy? And why did he draw so many pictures of my parents fighting?

Score: 1077

Why does everyone assume that just because I’m a 40 year old loser that I live in my parent’s basement? My parents don’t have a basement. I live in my bedroom like a big boy.

Score: 916

I always wanted to be Batman when I grew up Not for the gadgets or the money. I just hate my parents.

Score: 869

I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on." "Okay, that's fine." they replied.

I added, "Your luggage is outside."

Score: 832

Chinese kid was born before the due date Parents named him Sudden Lee.

Score: 629

My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24 What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.

Score: 520

My parents just said they want another child. "I'd love a sibling!" I said.

"That's not what we meant." they replied.

Score: 495

My girlfriend’s parents are very religious… The first time I was at their house, her dad told me we weren’t allowed to sleep together.

It was a bit of a shame – he was very attractive.

Score: 467

When i was born I was so mad at my parents I didn't talk to them for two years

Score: 431

My girlfriend's parents are very religious The first time I went to stay with her at her parents' house her dad wouldn't let us sleep together.

Which is a shame because he is very attractive.

Score: 403

I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I can take a look around, but they said "no" and slammed the door on me My parents can be real jerks sometimes.

Score: 334

My parents tried to surprise me with a car this Christmas... Fortunately they missed.

Score: 292

New Parents Jokes

I don’t think I would ever try a threesome If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I’d go out to dinner with my parents to catch up.

Score: 254

I was outside school last week. One of the other parents came over and asked me what year my daughter was in. I said "2017"

Score: 40

I don’t understand why people have threesomes If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I’d just get lunch with my parents

Score: 115

What's up with that Rorschach guy? Why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

Score: 15

I just bought some 12 year old scotch Her parents weren't too happy with it though

Score: 88

Tom was grounded by his parents They said he had no potential

Score: 20

I didn't think I was any good at drawing until my parents took me to see the doctor Anyone else on the artistic spectrum?

Score: 24

My parents just told me they’d love another child. I said, “I’d love a little brother or sister!” They said, “That’s not what we meant.”

Score: 13

My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn’t likable. It’s an autobiography.

Score: 25

What do you call it when a kid teaches their parents? Learning from your mistakes.

Score: 103

Threesome? No thanks, if i want to disappoint 2 people at the same time i'll just have dinner with my parents.

Score: 13

I asked my parents for something Cuban. They got me a Che Guevara t-shirt. Clothes, but no cigar

Score: 79

I'm getting married to my pencil, I can't wait to introduce my parents to my wife 2B!

Score: 15

I passed a kid sat on the side of the road dressed in rags earlier. I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"

He replied, "Yes. What gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents."

Score: 200

How do parents punish their blind child? They rearranged the furniture.

Score: 93

My parents said they would never play favorites... Which is sad considering I was an only child

Score: 14

Who is Rorschach and why has he painted so many pictures of my parents arguing?

Score: 38

I keep on taking kitchen utensils from my parents My friends say I'll be in prison if I'm caught, but it's a whisk I'm willing to take.

Score: 107

My parents told me "you are what you eat" And thats why I don't eat vegetables.

Score: 48

Most people won't get this... Respect from their parents.

Score: 13

"Son, you were adopted." "I was?" the son asked.

"Yes." his parents replied. "And they're coming to pick you up any minute now so go pack your bags."

Score: 121

My parents told me not to give up on my dreams so I went back to sleep.

Score: 38

See your report card Johnny’s father: Let me see your report card.
Johnny: I don’t have it.
Johnny’s father: Why not?
Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.

Score: 20

Once two girls asked me if I wanted a threesome. I told them that if I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I would just go home to my parents.

Score: 136

There was always one thing I wanted as a child. Richer parents.

Score: 12

My Internet stopped working for 5 minutes. Met my parents.

They're nice people.

Score: 128

Jimmy, the electrician's son was grounded by his parents... I heard his parents say he had no potential

Score: 54

A girl was into bestality. One day her parents walked in on her, they all fell silent. But someone had to address the elephant in the room!

Score: 28

I never understood what was so good about having a threesome... If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I could just go have dinner with my parents.

Score: 11

I'm not that into threesomes If I wanted to disappoint 2 people at once, I'd just talk to my parents.

Score: 192

Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries... And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides…

Score: 34

It's pretty disgusting how celebrity parents name their children after cooked rodent. Poor Chris Pratt

Score: 50

Why do Asian parents want their children to have high grades? Because they're Asian, not Bsian nor Csian.

Score: 18

So I've decided to marry a pencil I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B

Score: 62

Have you ever seen a picture of Hellen Keller's parents? Neither has she.

Score: 17

I wonder... I always wondered what my parents did to pass time before things like the internet and TVs were invented.
I asked my 26 siblings for advice.

Score: 190

My parents have been yelling at me that I'm wasting my life doing nothing but playing video games. Luckily I have three lives left.

Score: 18

How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her? They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book

Score: 16

I just turned 18 and my parents tried to surprise me with a car They missed

Score: 279

Last night my parents found S&M videos on my laptop. "What should we do?" My mom asked.

"Well we can't spank him!" My Dad replied.

Score: 106

I went to the pool with the local orphanage but none of them would get in the water. It's like thier parents never taught them to swim. Or something

Score: 18

How did my parents combat boredom before the internet? I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.

Score: 165

I once told my parents I wanted to be a comedian They laughed. Parents are so supportive...

Score: 53

After dating for 2 months, she started saying she wanted to meet my parents, Baby chill I waited for 9 months before I met my own parents

Score: 101

On my 16th birthday my parents tried to surprise me with a car but I jumped out of the way.

Score: 127

I've been trying to kick my roommates out for months now. But they keep insisting that I call them my parents.

Score: 85

My girlfriends family is quite religious. I remember the first time i went to stay with her at parents house and her dad wouldn't let us sleep together, which is a shame really because he's very attractive.

Score: 105

I visited my new girlfriend's parents for the first time. "I hope we can find lots of things we have in common," her father told me.

"I know we already have one thing in common."

"What's that?" He asked.

"Your daughter calls us both Daddy."

Score: 14

When I was younger, my parents used to make me go stay with my grandparents at the weekend And it was so cold in that cemetery!

Score: 70

My parents are really against my candlemaking habit. One day, I came home, and saw that they had thrown away all of my parrafinalia.

Score: 39

Chinese parents give birth to girl [removed]

Source: im a chinaman
Edit: im a chinaman

Score: 89

I've always wanted my dad to be proud of me... It finally happened today. I started serving at a steak house and my parents came in to see me at work. When I asked my dad how he wanted his steak, he said "Well done, son".

Score: 93

Her: Come over, Joseph! Stalin: Can't, I'm sending people to gulag

Her: My parents aren't at home

Stalin: I know

Score: 100

You could tell my parents hated me... My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. (RIP Rodney Dangerfield)

Score: 14

Did you hear that Microsoft is giving away Office to parents? Word to your mother.

Score: 51

Came out to my parents at Christmas. Later that day my nephew asked to play hide and go seek. Now I'm back in the closet.

Score: 14

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They rearranged the furniture.

Score: 37

So I got asked if I wanted a threesome... I said no thanks, if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd go out to dinner with my parents.

Score: 193

My Indian engineering teacher told us this today Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."

Score: 22

A black boy asks his white parents "Daddy why are your and mommy's faces so bright if mine is so dark?" says the kid. The dad looks at him and goes: "Jimmy the party was so wild you should be happy you're not barking now".

Score: 34