Hilarious Pencil Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Pencil Jokes

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B

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My dad has a pencil that was once owned by Shakespeare. It's so chewed up that we can't tell if it's 2b or not 2b.

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I've decided to marry a pencil I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B

Score: 2018

How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day? When she can't find her pencil and there is a tampon behind her ear.

Score: 339

A pencil isn't as phallic as a pen is.

Score: 196

Why shouldn't you write with a dull pencil? It's pointless

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I'm having a hard time trying to decide on which pencil to use for my English literature exam. 2B or not 2B - that is the question.

Score: 104

I own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works. He used to chew on it so much that I can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B.

Score: 98

I have a joke about pizza and a broken pencil unfortunately it's cheesy and pointless

Score: 80

How does a mathematician solve their constipation? They work it out with a pencil

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How do you make a room darker with a pencil? Draw the curtains.

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Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.

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I’ve decided to marry a pencil. I can’t wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

Score: 73

How did the mathematician solve his constipation problem? He worked it out with a pencil.

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What's the difference between a Feminist and a Pencil? A pencil has a point.

Score: 68

I thought about inventing a pencil with an eraser at both ends. But I didn't see the point.

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Today I wanted to make a broken pencil pun But there's no point.

Score: 64

How did the mathmatician become unconstipated? He worked it out with a pencil

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I’ve fallen in love with a pencil and we’re getting married. I can’t wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

Score: 62

So I've decided to marry a pencil I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B

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Wanna hear a joke about an unsharpened pencil? Never mind...it's pointless.

Score: 59

What did the constipated mathematician do? He worked it out with a pencil.

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A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper. He then proceeded to draw his weapon.

Score: 46

I found an old pencil I found an old pencil that apparently belonged to Shakespeare. It's so chewed up through the years that I can't tell if it's 2B, or not 2B. ✏

Score: 45

When can't a pencil write out a check? When it's broke.

Score: 40

What's the difference between a strawberry and a pencil? One's a fruit, you idiot.

Score: 39

I used to have an invisible pencil I really didn't see the point of it.

Score: 34

The teacher tells the class: 'Whoever gets the next question right, can go home early.' Benjamin throws his pencil to the front of the class. Teacher picks it up and asks: 'Who was that?'
Benjamin: 'Me, good day.'

Score: 33

How did the mathematician treat his constipation? He worked it out with a pencil.

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Did you hear about the pencil that got an injury in jail? It broke mid-sentence.

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What did the pencil say to the suspicious piece of paper? I dot my i's on you!

-Heard this from an 85 year old lady in a nursing facility. The mental image of this joke is quite funny!

Score: 25

The reason no one likes my story about a broken pencil: It's pointless.

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What did the blonde say when the classroom bully stole her pencil? I LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN WRITE NOW

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I've tried writing with a blunt pencil. But it was pointless

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How does a mathematician deal with constipation? They get a pencil and work it out.

Score: 18

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a number 2 pencil.

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I'm getting married to my pencil, I can't wait to introduce my parents to my wife 2B!

Score: 15

My dad said if he practiced yoga long enough he could pick up a pencil with his toes. He then proudly mentioned he would be writing footnotes.

Score: 15

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? Because, it's pointless!

*snicker* *snicker*

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New Pencil Jokes

Did you here about the mathematician who had a problem of constipation? He worked it out with a pencil

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Did you hear about the mathematician with a urinary tract infection? He had to work it out with a #1 pencil

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The gum company looses his pencil That's okay he has an "Extra" one.

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SON: I have to write a report about my hero. **ME:** Aww, who’d you pick?

**SON:** Darth Vader.

**ME:** Oh. You don’t…you don’t want to maybe pick somebody you know?

**SON [Puts pencil down]:** Who do I know that can choke people with their mind?

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My grandpa is so old that... when he was a kid he used a #1 pencil.

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I was in the shop looking for a new pencil for English class 2B or not 2B, that is the question

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What kind of pen / pencil do people with Parkinson use? Unstabilo.

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The U.S.A. spent millions of dollars to create a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a pencil

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Stop trying to predict the next Arab Spring Just pencil it in six weeks after Arab Groundhog Day.

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Did you hear of the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.

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A cowboy kept trying to draw his gun Unfortunately, he couldn't find a pencil.

Score: 13

What did the mathematician do when he had constipation? He worked it out with a pencil.

Score: 5

How did the mathematian get rid of his constipation? He worked it out with a pencil.

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Why did the pencil throw himself into the sharpener? To make a point.

Score: 5

A Pencil is just like a non existent Sandwich. Because it isn't.

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How did the mathematician solve his problem of constipation? He worked it out with a pencil...

...a #2 pencil.

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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with his pencil.

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Constipated mathematician looks for a solution. Works it out with a pencil.

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I could tell you a story about a Pencil But there's no point

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What do you call a pencil super-glued to the floor? Stationary stationery

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What happens when a pigpen breaks? The pig uses a pencil.

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A man calls a doctor in a panic "Doctor, doctor!" the man cries. "My son swallowed my pencil, and I don't know what to do!!"

"Now calm down," assured the doctor. "Tell me this:

...do you have a *pen?*"

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A constipated Mathematician was stuck on a formula... He had to work it out with a pencil.

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Have you guys heard the one about the pencil with an eraser at both ends? It's not that great. It doesn't have a point, really.

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How did the accountant solve his constipation problem? The same way he solves all his problems - he worked it out with a pencil.

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Where did the pencil go on vacation? Pennsylvania.

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I ran into a salesman offering me a pencil with invisible lead. I almost bought it, but I couldn't really see the point.

Score: 12

Have you heard about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a number two pencil.

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Did you ever hear the one with a pencil? Never mind it had no point

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What's 6 inches long, hard, begins with P and has a red nub? A pencil, you pervert.

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I would tell you a joke about a pencil... But it's pointless

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Did you hear about the mathematician who was constipated? He used a pencil to work it out.

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Tried to stab a guy with a pencil once But it wasn't 2B.

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Why do pencil races take so long? Because pencils are stationery.

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Why is the sharpener always invited to the pencil case debates? He always makes a good point and the pencils tend to very blunt when he's not around.

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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a Number 2 Pencil.

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I stuck my hand in my pocket and my pencil stabbed me Thankfully it didn't draw blood

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It took Stevie Wonder 7 years to write the song Superstition... He dropped his pencil on the first day.

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My friend asked for a "skin colored" pencil I gave him a brown pencil.

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What do you call a pencil in the toilet? A Number 2 Pencil

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Why shouldn't you write with a dull pencil? Because its pointless.

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How do you write a paper with just your pencil? With a good point

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I was going to tell a joke about my broken pencil But there's no point

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Someone stole my pencil case off my desk and ran with it I guess it's no longer stationery

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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? It's okay, he worked it out with a pencil.

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NASA spent 1.5mil on a pen that works in space. Russia putin a pencil.

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I dropped a pencil in the bathroom. I guess you can say I dropped a number 2.

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My friend stabbed me with a pencil, I guess you could say I got the point.

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I would tell a broken pencil joke.. But there's no point.

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How did the mathematician solve his problem with constipation? He worked it out with a pencil

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How do mathematicians solve constipation? They just work it out with a pencil!

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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He had to work it out with a pencil.

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Did you guys hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil

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