Hilarious Police Officer Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Police Officer Jokes

A German got pulled over by the police in France *Police officer:* "Name?"

*German:* "Heinrich Klimt"

*Police officer:* "Age?"

*German:* "31"

*Police officer:* "occupation?"

*German:* "No, no. Just visiting"

Score: 9467

Two Police officers. Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:

“Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.”

Score: 2326

A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party. He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover

Score: 2223

Everyone in my family was a police officer, except for my grandad, who was a bank robber He died last week

surrounded by his family

Score: 1508

Score: 1343

I shot a Black Man the other day I got charged with impersonating a Police Officer.

Score: 1101

Why do police officers wear blue? Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.

Score: 1058

Why don't Broward County police officers need to use condoms? Because no matter how dire the situation gets, they won't come inside.

Score: 665

I got arrested for killing a black man They charged me with impersonating a police officer.

Score: 657

JOB OPPORTUNITY: Riot police officers needed. Interviews are being held tomorrow. Come early.... ....beat the crowd.

Score: 643

A drunk wakes up in jail and asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?" "For drinking." replies the officer. "Great!" slurs the man. "When do we start?"

Score: 560

A police officer stopped my mom's car. Officer: First name?
Mom: Frida
Officer: Last name?
Mom: Gomam
Officer: So you're Frida Gomam?

And my mom hit the accelerator.

Score: 431

What does a Chicago police officer and a professional skateboarder have in common? They both shred footage.

(*be gentle, it's my first time.*)

Score: 375

My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen He was charged for impersonating a police officer.

Score: 351

A blonde is pulled over by a police officer... "May I see your License Ma'am?"

"You know you cops really need to get your act together... One day your buddy takes my license away, and the next you ask for it"

Score: 289

I shot a black man and got caught I was charged with impersonation of a police officer.

Score: 251

Why does the police officer get up early in the morning? To beat the crowds.

Score: 225

A police officer turned on his lights, pulled me over, walked to my window and said "papers?" I looked at him with a smile and said "Scissors, I win." and drove off.
I think he wants to do best out of 3 because he's been chasing me for an hour.

Score: 224

As a police officer, I don't know how to deal with black people... But I guess I'll take a shot at it.

Score: 221

Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir? Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me.

Score: 220

Police officer: So where did the hacker go? Me : I don't know he just ransomware

Score: 209

A police officer was assigned to hunt a dangerous cannibal on his first day on the job All the more seasoned officers had already been eaten

Score: 189

Police Officer - "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a bus". Man - "Well, I know. But she's a really good cook and she's great with the kids".

Score: 176

Why do they bury police officers 6ft under. Because deep down they are good people.

Score: 164

A man applies for a job as a police officer. The officer says: Alright, one more thing. Take this gun and go shoot 7 black men and a squirrel.

The man replies: Why the squirrel?

The officer says: I love your attitude, you got the job!

Score: 159

Why do Hong Kong police officers wake up so early? To beat the crowd

Score: 134

A blonde crashes a helicopter... A police officer drives by and exclaims, "What happened!?". She says, "It was getting cold so I turned off the fan".

Score: 134

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station... "I have an interesting case here," he said. "A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant,

"No, not yet. The floors still wet."

Score: 124

I got arrested for killing a black man I was charged with impersonating a police officer

Score: 119

What do you call a police officer that doesn't get out of bed? An under cover cop.

Score: 96

What video game system do police officers play in their cars? Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...

Score: 96

A police officer pulled me over and said "Sir, please identify yourself" So I took out a mirror and replied "yeah, it's me"

Score: 95

A police officer stopped me on the highway He told me "Papers, please".
I responded with "Scissors, I win !" and went back on my way.

Score: 90

I overheard a midget complaining to a police officer that his pocket had been picked. The officer said 'I can't believe anyone would stoop that low'

Score: 84

What's a police officers favorite console? Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U.

Edit: Gee Wilikers Batman I've got 151 upvotes yayyyyyy. :D

Score: 80

Police Officer: How high are you? Me: No officer, it's "Hi, how are you..?"

Score: 74

A police officer with a drug dog approaches a man and says, "this dog tells me you’re on drugs…" To which the man responds, "I’m on drugs?!? You’re the only talking to a dog!"

Score: 70

A man was pulled over by a police officer for speeding The police officer asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the man replied.
The cop said, "There is no traffic."
The man replied, "That's how far behind I am."

Score: 65

Last night a police officer knocked on my door and said "Sir, it looks like your mother in law has been hit by a bus" I replied " I know, but she has a great personality."

Score: 56

Police Officer: Sir it looks like your girlfriend has been hit by a truck Man: Yeah but she has a great personality

Score: 45

New Police Officer Jokes

I was caught drunk driving when I saw the stunning police officer. It was a breath-taking experience.

Score: 3

Amazon Alexa is a police officer My girlfriend just said "Alexa, Black Lives Matter". And Alexa responded "I'm sorry, I didn't understand that".

Score: 3

What did the police officer say to the perp holding a rotten, purple vegetable? Drop that funky beet!

What did the police officer say to the perp holding Allen Ginsberg?
Drop that funky beat!

Score: 0

Did you hear the one about the police officer who pickpocketed the disabled midget? I never knew someone could stoop so low.

Score: 0

What’s the difference between a police officer and a racist photographer? A police officer will happily shoot a black person.

Score: 3

Why did the Columbian drug lord have the police officer killed? Medellin.

Score: 1

A woman runs into a police station and says "HELP HELP I'VE BEEN GRAPED" and the police officer says don't your mean raped? And she replies no, there was a bunch of them

Score: 1

Man I wish I was an American police officer. I would kill for a holiday right now

Score: 7

Police officer pulls over an obvious drink driver... ... when he approaches the car he can smell the booze.

"Sir, I pulled you over because I noticed you were weaving."

"Weaving?!!? I can't even knit!"

Score: 1

I lost my job as a police officer just for giving a guy a breathalyser test. Apparently it "wasn't humorous" to the passenger that survived.

Score: 30

I told a police officer a joke about a moving staircase and he put me in cuffs! Well that escalated quickly.

Score: 1

If have 10 guns and a police officer tries to take five away, how many guns do I have left? 11

Score: 4

Why did the police officer apprehend the insomniac? They were resisting a rest.

Score: 3

Protests have erupted in the streets and protestors are throwing pumpkins at police officers They’re going to have to call in the National Gourd

Score: 7

What do you call a police officer that also does eye exams? A Coptometrist

Score: 1

It's been recently discovered that some police officers absolutely love living in all-white housing developments, while others absolutely hate it -- for the EXACT SAME reason. Can you guess what it is? YOU CAN'T BEAT THE NEIGHBORS!!

Score: 1

What does a police officer in rural Pennsylvania say when he sees suspicious behavior? "Hmm, something's Amish here."

Score: 4

What the police officer said to their belly button? You are under a vest

Score: 1

A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off.

Score: 28

What is a British police officer's favorite gaming console? WiiiiiiiUUUUUUUUU WiiiiiiiUUUUUUUUU WiiiiiiiUUUUUUUUU
WiiiiiiiUUUUUUUUU
WiiiiiiiUUUUUUUUU

Score: 26

What's the difference between a really good golfer and a police officer on paid administrative leave? One shot a hole in one, the other shot a hole in Juan.

Score: 15

What is it called when an epileptic police officer walks into a house with a warrant? Search and seizure!!!

Score: 3

On may way to work today I passed a police officer that had pulled over a U-Haul.... I think he was trying to bust a move.

Score: 3

What do you call a police officer that is in bed? An undercover cop.

Score: 4

What did the police officer say when he pulled over an elephant? What's in the trunk?

Score: 2

What did the police officer say to the black insomniac? Stop resisting a rest!

Score: 6

What do you get when you mix Frodo, Bilbo and a cyborg police officer? Frobo Cop.

Score: 3

A police officer arrests a drunk man After minutes of hassle getting the man in the police car, they're finally ready to go.

The officers turns around and says "Please fasten your seatbelt".

The man smirks and says "It's ok. Nobody will pull us over"

Score: 5

What did the police officer say at Footlocker? What did the police officer say at Footlocker when he found a fresh pair of sneakers? I'ma Cop

Score: 2

What did the baltimore police officer say about the black man who got shot 12 times? Worst suicide he'd ever seen

Score: 9

What's a good name for a police officer that's sexually dominant? Duracell. Because he's a Copper Top.

Score: 1

How many police officers dies it take to replace a lightbulb? None, they beat the room for being dark

Score: 2

What did the amputee say to the police officer? "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

Score: 4

How many police officers does it take to replace a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black.

Score: 26

What did the vulture police officer tell the gathering crowd about the roadkill? Carrion people

Score: 3

Guy runs to a police officer: Help! there are two girls fighting over me! Officer: So...what's the problem..?
Guy: The ugly one is winning...

Score: 11

When interviewing the police officers involved in Tiger Woods' arrest, they told how they came to suspect he was under the influence. "Simple" The officer responded. "It was the straightest drive he's had in years. We knew right away something was up."

Score: 12

What's a police officer's favorite Star Wars movie? The Empire Strikes Blacks

Score: 41

A drunk man exited a bar vomiting and almost got some on the timepiece of a police officer who was standing on the street. The cop said, "not on MY watch"

Score: 2

I saw two police officers across the street trying to arrest each other. It was quite the paracops

Score: 2

What the difference between my dad and a police officer? I don't need to be black for my dad to beat me.

Score: 10

How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just start shooting the room because it's black.

Score: 19

A police officer See's two men fighting in the street... He sees a small child crying in the sidewalk and asks him which one is your father? The boy replies that's what they're fighting about

Score: 0

Why did the police officers take the man's dolphin collection? For investigative Porpoises.

Score: 3

What did the rabbit police officer say when it was investigating a murder? "We shouldn't jump to conclusions"

Score: 2

A police officer called the station on his radio "Uh... Sir, we got a interesting case in here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped"

"Have you arrested the women?"

"No... the floor's still wet"

Edit:Grammar

Score: 3

What's the difference between Han Solo and a police officer? People care if Han Solo shot first

Score: 1

A Font Designer and a Police Officer Walk Into a Bar... The font designer leaves sans sheriff.

Score: 4

A cop threatened to detain me for impersonating a police officer Apparently, "you can't arrest me, I'm a police officer!" wasn't a very good answer.

Score: 20

I got pulled over by a police officer yesterday in a 70km zone He said "are you aware that you were speeding" and showed that he clocked me going 99 on his radar

Said sorry officer common mistake you've read it upside down

Score: 1

A drunk shoots a police officer He calls 911 and asks:

Drunk: Is this 911?

Dispatcher: Yes.

Drunk: Well there's 910 of you now!

Score: 2

How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb None they beat the room for being black.

Score: 3

Police officer stops a speeding car and asks the driver.... Police officer: ''Can you identify yourself, sir?''

Driver(pulling out his mirror): ''Yeah, it's me.''

Score: 4

What's it called when you insult a police officer? A pig roast...

Score: 1

Two police officers crash their car into a tree . . . Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”

Score: 2

A police officer called the station on his radio... "I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

"Have you arrested the woman?"

"Not yet. The floor's still wet."

Score: 23

Why are police officers bad at Billiards? They hit eight ball first because it was black.

Score: 11

What did the police officer want from the criminal store? Just ice.

Score: 6

Why did the retired police officer decide to become a DJ? So he could still get to say "Put your hands in the air."

Score: 8

Yesterday a police officer came up to me and asked, "where were you between 4 and 6?" I answered, "kindergarten"

Score: 28