Hilarious Politician Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Politician Jokes

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F

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A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked. The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."

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Terrorists have hijacked a plane filled with politicians... They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren't met.

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How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician ? Just ask them to read this word: unionized.

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What's the difference between Politicians and Thieves? Thief: They steal your money then run

Politician: They run and then steal your money

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I accidentally installed a program that keeps showing me a picture of a Chinese politician. I think it's maoware.

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Its so cold in Washington DC I actually saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

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It's so cold outside.... I saw a politician put his hands in his own pockets.

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What's the difference between a politician and a serial killer? The serial killer might listen if you plead with them

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It was so cold in D.C. today... ...that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

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What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig the letter “f”

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A politician, a liar and a crooked man enter in a bar. He sits down and drinks coffee.

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I'ts so cold outside... I actually saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

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An honest politician, a kind lawyer, and Santa were walking down the street... ...and they saw a £20 note. Who picked it up?

Santa. The other two don't exist.

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What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig The F

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Politician (noun): Someone who will lay down your life for his country.

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I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician..... I was just sitting there doing nothing

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What does a politician have in common with a pornstar? Both are experts in changing positions in front of a camera.

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What do Superman and a politician have in common? They both wear a suit and tie when they pretend to be human.

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What's the difference between a church bell & a politician? A church bell peals from the steeple.

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I'd call myself a politician, but then I would just be a liar... So, basically, I would be a politician.

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What's the difference between a robber and a politician? Politicians run BEFORE they steal your money.

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A well known politician is walking down when the street when a mugger jumps out and says "give me all of your money." The politician says, "Do you know who I am? I'm a well known politician."

So the mugger says, "Fine, give me all of my money."

Score: 41

It was so cold in D.C. today… …that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

Score: 41

A robber attacked a man and said: -Give me all your money!
The man said:
- You do know I'm a politician,right?!
-OK , give me all of MY money then! the man replied.

Score: 40

I can't believe I got arrested for impersonating a politician... I was just standing around doing nothing.

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Black man kills conservative politician! The final Fox News spin on Osama's death.

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What does a mumble rapper and a politician have in common? both of their careers depend on incomprehensible bullshit

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Why did the politician cross the road? Well actually he hasn’t yet, but he says he will Very soon now and he promises that when he does...

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What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The f

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A politician is arrested and is on his way to jail... Whoops, thought this was /r/fantasy .

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What's the best way to guarantee you won't go to jail. Become a politician.

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If i had a dollar for each corrupt politician I would be accused of unjust enrichment

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What do a cyclist and a politician have in common? Both demand you respect them, but don't want to follow the same rules as you.

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What do you call a robotic politician that plays in a band? Al Gore Rhythm

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Did you hear about the politician who sold American weed to Russian spies? He was convicted of high treason.

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What's the first thing a disgraced politician hears after leaving prison? "Welcome to Goldman Sachs."

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What's the difference between a politician and a comedian? People care when a comedian speaks.

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Donald Trump, a Russian spy and corrupt politician walk into a bar.. He quickly turns around and leaves, saying "What was i thinking?? I don't even drink alcohol!"

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New Politician Jokes

How do you brainwash a politician? Convince him to pay for his brain transplant

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What's the difference between a prostitute and a politician? When I give money to the prostitute, they go away. Politicians keep asking for more.

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What does a politician and a pornstar with clothes on have in common? Everyone can see right through them

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I took a lie detector test and all my answers were wrong when the results came in. I looked at the bottom of the results paper and it said:

“YOUR GRADE:

POLITICIAN”

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A politician sees his son's result....... he says to his son who was playing on his PC "why have you scored such marks? always engrossed in video games. From now on no pocket money for you"

his son takes out a 50$ note from his pocket and asks "is this enough?"

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Did you hear about the politician who was strongly against the draft? He ended up installing weather stripping.

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Three South Korean politicians are in a jail They asked each other why they're sentenced.
Politician A: I opposed Park Geun Hye.
Politician B: I supported Park Geun Hye.
Politician C: I am Park Geun Hye herself.

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A politician helps an old lady across the street... when they’ve crossed the politician says...

”I suppose you’ll vote for me during the election now?”

the the lady replies...

”No, I have problems with my legs not my head.”

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What disability does every politician share They are all short sighted

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Here's this funny meme I found of an European politician \[removed\]

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What’s the difference between a football (soccer) referee and a politician? When the referee gets bribed at least someone wins.

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You hear about the new super hero that is also a politician? He can communicate in every language..

He is..

The Cunning Linguist

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What did the conservative say when a politician’s accuser went to the media instead of the police? Lock her up! Lock her up! Lock her up!

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How to trap your least favorite politician. 1) Dig a deep hole.

2) Sprinkle ash all around the edge of the hole.

3) When he/she shows up, kick him/her in the ash hole.

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What’s the difference between an honest politician and a flying pig? There actually was a time when swine flu.

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What's the difference between a snake and a politician, found dead on the road? There are tire marks before the snake

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Person a: so im a good lier what jobs should i choose a lawyer or a politician Person b: you could also be a preacher

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(Xpost: LPT) Never interrupt a Jonestown joke. They literally shot a politician for skipping the punch line.

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Did you read about the politician who refused an illegal donation? Me neither.

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If I had a dollar for every promise a politician fulfilled The debt would equal my uninsured hospital bill.

Edit: Wording

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What do you throw to a drowning politician? Their running mate.

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How do you stop a politician from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water.

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How do you know a politician is lying? His lips are moving.

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Trump is not a politician He keeps his promises

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What's The difference between a politician on a bicycle and a toddler on a tricycle? A wheel

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If you're about to bribe a politician, always go for a female one. You'd only have to give them 77% of the money you would've had to give a man

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What do you call a politician who doesn't lie, cheat and steal? I don't know I'm still waiting to find out.

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Did you hear about the dyslexic politician? Yeah, apparently he caused a bit of an uproar at his latest rally because he was kissing peoples' hands and shaking their babies.

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What is the difference between an engineer and a politician? An engineer has to bias the results himself.

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What's the difference between a thug on a bicycle and a politician on a tricycle? Attire

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How do you know when a politician is lying? When you see their lips moving!

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It must be cold today Because I just saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets

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What's the difference between a politician and a computer? logic

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Heard about the honest politician from Illinois? Neither have I

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What did the cannibal make of the politician he just met? Pork and bologne sammiches.

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