Produce Jokes

George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio and Matthew Mcconaughey got together to make a movie...... George Clooney said "I'll direct"

Dicaprio said "I'll produce"

and Matthew McConaughey said "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write"

George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio, and Matthew McConaughey got together to make a movie. George Clooney said, "I'll direct."

Dicaprio said "Ok, I'll produce"

And Matthew McConaughey said, "I'll write, i'll write, I'll write."

Tom Hanks, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey all decide to make a movie Tom hanks says "I'll produce it"

Leonardo DiCaprio says "I'll direct it"

Matthew McConaughey says "I'll write I'll write I'll write"

Matt Damon, George Clooney, and Matthew McConaughey decide to make a movie together... Matt Damon says I'll act. George Clooney says I'll produce. Matthew McConaughey says I'll write I'll write I'll write.

It is said that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare Today, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true

Dad joke I came up with at work. I work at a grocery store produce department. Today there was some misplaced cheese in a cooler. I saw it was sharp provolone. I took it to the deli lady and once she read it I said "be careful, it's sharp."

If trees produced wifi we'd be planting them everywhere... ... too bad they only produce oxygen.

I’m just milking it now. Studies show cows produce more Milk when the Farmer talks to them.

It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio and Mattgew McCounaughey get together to make a movie. George says "I'll direct"

Leonardo says "I'll produce"

Matthew says "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write!"

What do you call a cow which can no longer produce milk? An udder failure.

George Clooney Matt Damon and Matthew McConaughey got together to make a movie. George said: I'll Direct

Matt Damon said: I'll produce

Matthew McConaughey said: ill write ill write ill wriite

My mate lent me $5,000 to produce my idea of a fruit-based torch, then took all credit. He stole my limelight.

What do you call a disease which ceases a cow's ability to produce milk? Udder failure!

What do you call a cow that can’t produce milk? An udder failure.

What does a novice woodworker have in common with a constipated woodworker? In the end, both are lucky to produce a stool.

What do you call bees that produce milk? Boo-Bees....

How did the cow feel when it couldn't produce milk? Udderly useless.

What do you call a cow that can't produce milk? Udderly useless.

What kind of bees produce milk instead of honey? Boobies!

Which bees produce milk? ...The boo-bees!

20,000 Dots “Your assignment was to produce a piece containing exactly 20,000 dots,” my Art teacher said, “but I only see one.” “They’re on top of each other.” I explained.

What do you call a cow that doesn't produce milk? A milk dud.

I tell ya, it's fine to eat one test grape in the produce section ... But take *one bite* of rotisserie chicken, and they're all, "Sir, you need to leave."

TIL you need a 3.0 GPA to produce honey You can't produce honey without Bs.

If a cow is unable to produce milk... Is it an udder failure?

Two farmers are arguing over their produce. Farmer 1-"That's my grain!"
Farmer 2-"No that's my grain!"

A third farmer a bit aways walks in

Farmer 3-"I'm getting migraine just listening to you two idiots yell at each other"

America is kind of like testicles If the right nut can't agree with the left nut. We can't produce.

My father always complained about his firing from Lay's after being caught stealing produce. He always did have a huge chip on his shoulder.

Never thought Netflix would produce an award-winning series watched by tens of millions around the world. But hey... Stranger Things have happened.

What do cows produce during an earthquake? MILKSHAKE!!!!

What is India known to produce the most of? Indians

I put all of my crops and produce in wheelchairs... That way all of my vegetables feel special.

What do you call a dairy cow that doesn't produce milk? An udder failure

You hear about these bees that produce milk instead of honey? They’re called BOO-BEES

TIL the mint in San Francisco does not produce any circulating coins It doesn‘t make cents!

Where does an IT Professional buy his agricutural produce? At the Server-Farm.

What do you call a cow who can't produce milk? An udder failure.

Did you hear Apple is going into the wine business? Their vineyard will produce every varietal of wine... except ports.

What's the difference between a feminist and a vending machine? A vending machine can make money and produce change.