Hilarious Prostitute Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Prostitute Jokes

Score: 3251

I asked a prostitute "How Much For A Hand Job?"

Lady: "50..Do You Want One Honey?"

I: "No…No, it just makes me happy To Know How Much I Save When I Do It My Self"

Score: 2654

What do you call a philosopher who's banging a prostitute? Someone who's deep in thot.

Score: 1304

Turns out my psychologist is also a prostitute... Totally blew my mind

Score: 607

My wife said we should hire a maid. "The job will get done a lot more often, and they'll do a way better job!" Apparently "Should we hire a prostitute for the same reasons?" was the wrong answer.

Score: 581

A man walks up to 3 women wearing potato sacks. How does he know which one is the prostitute? The one whose sack reads "Idaho"

Score: 418

A prostitute walked up to me and said, "I'll do anything you want if you give me $30" Guess who's getting his porch repainted!

Score: 388

I've been hiring a blind prostitute lately, And I really have to hand it to her.

Score: 357

If I had a dollar for everytime I got laid... I'd be a prostitute.

Score: 252

What do you call a fat Chinese prostitute? Chun Kee Ho

Score: 216

A priest was confronted by a prostitute. "Do want a quickie for ten bucks?"

Not knowing what it was, he said no. When he got back to the monastery, his curiosity got the better of him. So he asked a nun, "what's a quickie?"

The nun replied "Ten bucks same as in town."

Score: 188

What do you call a mermaid who's a prostitute? H-2-Hoe

Score: 180

What's the difference between a lawyer and a $400/hour prostitute? The prostitute tells you upfront that you are going to get screwed.

Score: 143

"Get in," I said to the prostitute. "Hey," she smiled.

I said, "I bet your mum wouldn't be too happy with you doing this."

"Selling my body for money?" she asked.

I said, "No, sitting in a car with a murderer."

Score: 130

I went to a voodoo prostitute last night Didn't manage to get laid but got a little head...

Score: 122

Prostitute said she would do anything I asked.... Guess who's up to date with all his paperwork.

Score: 121

What do you call a prostitute's children? Brothel Sprouts

Score: 109

It must be hard working as a prostitute. After all, work just comes and goes.

Score: 106

What do you call a principal that used to be a prostitute? The Head Master

Score: 104

Why is it so easy to find a prostitute in Islamic countries? They're always just a stone's throw away.

Score: 87

Got approached by a prostitute today who said she would do anything for $10 Guess who just got their car washed?

Score: 85

What did the prostitute say to her customer after he finished paying? "It was a business doing pleasure with you."

Score: 83

A prostitute said she would do anything for $10... Guess who just got their car washed!

Score: 80

What's the difference between a prostitute, a girlfriend and a wife? A prostitute says "Faster, faster!"
A girlfriend says "More, more!"
A wife says "Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Score: 80

What's the difference between a $20 prostitute and a $200 prostitute? When the $20 one swallows, it's because she's hungry.

Score: 77

I went to a blind prostitute the other day She told me I was the biggest she'd ever laid her hands on.

I said "nah, you're pulling my leg"

Score: 69

A man drives up to a prostitute He asks her: "what would your mother think if she saw you here?"

She replies: "she'd probably kill me, this is her spot"

Score: 67

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute? The prostitute can wash their crack and sell it again.

Score: 65

Why wasn't Kanye allowed to have a prostitute at his bachelor party? Because you're not supposed to see the bride before the wedding

Score: 64

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute. The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again

Edit-1 hopefully she/he washes it

Score: 60

What did one prostitute's knee say to the other? Nothing. They never met.

Score: 60

A prostitute approached me today offering to do anything I wanted for $10 guess who just got their car washed

Score: 57

What's the worst part about being a prostitute? The customer always comes first.

Score: 50

What does a prostitute call their genitals? Their public parts

Score: 46

Why is bungee jumping, and a prostitute similar? You pay money for some quick fun and if he rubber breaks, you're dead!

Score: 36

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? A prostitute can wash their crack and sell it again.

Score: 36

What's the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a prostitute with dysentery? The farmer shucks between fits.

Score: 34

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full.

(Courtesy of my grandpa)

Score: 31

What do you call a Canadian prostitute? A leaf blower

Score: 27

What did the pirate say to the prostitute? Yo ho.

Score: 24

New Prostitute Jokes

What do you call a Pakistani Prostitute in Spanish? LaHore

Score: 4

Why did the IRS officer arrest the prostitute at the dinner party? Because she was working under the table

Score: 11

What do you call a Belgian prostitute? *A waffle vendor*

Score: 4

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster fisherman and a prostitute with dysentery? The fisherman shucks between fits.

Score: 7

Two potatoes are standing on the street. How do you know which one is a prostitute? one of them has a sticker that says idaho

Score: 11

What do a proctologist and a prostitute who's only clients are homeless people have in common? They both spend their time at work feeling up bums.

Score: 7

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with dysentery? One shucks between fits....

Score: 8

Little Johnny was running behind for his weekly trip to the prostitute When he got there, she said

"Eh Jack! You late!"

Score: 10

I once paid a prostitute with my deer I got a bang for my buck

Score: 4

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again

Score: 8

A meth user, An alcoholic, and a prostitute are all in a car. Who's driving? The Police.

Score: 12

A leper goes to a prostitute... He says, "Keep the tip."

Score: 7

Two potatoes are standing on a corner, how do you know which ones the prostitute? It has a sticker " Idaho".

Score: 4

What's yellow and goes "cheep cheep"? A Chinese prostitute

Score: 5

What's the difference between a corn husker with epilepsy and a prostitute with dysentery? One shucks between fits...

Score: 7

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea? One shuck between fits...

Score: 6

The best thing about my favorite prostitute is the family discount.

Score: 10

Why is good when a prostitute dies on you The second hour is free

Score: 20

What did the Leper say after his night with a prostitute? "Keep the tip."

Score: 11

A blond, a rabbi, a schoolkid, a lawyer, a prostitute, the pope, a pirate and George Bush walk into a bar... The bartender says:

Is this a joke?

Score: 5

A guy meets a prostitute She tells him, "For $200 I'll do anything you want, as long as you can say it in 3 words." He hands her $200, leans in and whispers, "Paint my house."

Score: 5

What's the difference between a prostitute with diarrhoea and an epileptic oyster shucker? One shucks between fits.

Score: 3

What do you call a prostitute who works on public transit? A succ-you-bus.

Score: 9

Tickets to the Kentucky derby are 1100$ If I wanted to spend 1100$ for two minutes of action, I'd hire a prostitute.

Score: 4

What do you call a toilet with a prostitute on it? A John, of course.

Score: 4

What does a transgender prostitute charge for their service? A trans-action fee.

Score: 3

What do you call a Massachusetts prostitute? A Boston Creampie

Score: 4

What does a prostitute's resume list as her top attribute? She's a consummate professional.

Score: 3

What'd the Christian prostitute say after church? Ah, men.

Score: 8

What did the man with leprosy say to the prostitute? *Keep the tip.*

Score: 12

[really stupid] A prostitute pulled a knife on me... ET TU FLOOZAY!?!?!

Score: 3

What does going to a prostitute make you? Buysexual

Score: 4

What did the Spanish tourist say when he saw a prostitute after arriving in Pakistan? Lahore

Score: 12

What did the leper leave the prostitute? Just the Tip.

Score: 4

What did the lepper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip

Score: 4

What did Bob Ross say to the prostitute? "Just beat the devil out of it"

Score: 5

What's the difference between a flute and a prostitute? Nothing, they both get fingered and are never cheap.

Score: 7

McDonald's Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

Score: 19

My Gran ordered a male prostitute I called over that night and she seemed a bit upset. "Gran, what happened to the prostitute? Did he not come?"

She looked at me in the eyes and said, "He didn't even arrive!"

Score: 3

I once had some food cooked for me by a prostitute... ...it was a nice ho-made meal.

Score: 3

What did the leper say after he was finished with the prostitute? Keep the tip.

Score: 11

I once met a prostitute that said she would do anything for $100 I said paint my house.

Score: 6

What was the problem with the midget prostitute? She was always selling herself short.

Score: 18

What's the difference between you and a dead prostitute? Your job still sucks....

Score: 9

I grew up in a small town that only had one general store, one bar and one prostitute. Mum found it pretty hard working three jobs.

Score: 21

An old man approaches a prostitute ... He asks " How much for a little fun?"

She looks him over and asks " How old are you ?"

"I'm 87"

She says " You've had your fun !"

The old man says " Alright ... What do I owe you ?"

Score: 11

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster farmer and a prostitute with diarrhoea? The farmer shucks between fits.

Score: 8

Met a prostitute that will do anything for 100 $ Guess who's writing my take home exam ^^

Score: 4

What do you call a prostitute who likes mushrooms? A spore.

Score: 15

Stacy wanted to keep our relationship professional That's when I knew she was a prostitute.

Score: 7

My neighbor, an elderly prostitute, adopted a puppy and asked me if I could help train it.

I told her "No sorry, you can't teach an old trick's new dog."

Score: 14

What do you call a bad prostitute? Whoreable

Score: 8

What do you call a prostitute who's upset about gun control? A sandy hooker

Score: 7

what do you say to a puking prostitute? Heave-ho!

Score: 6

You gotta hand it to the blind prostitute. .. ...

Score: 15

Florida man contracts herpes while checking his birthday prostitute's mouth for sores As meemum used to say, "you shouldn't look gift whores in the mouth"

Score: 10

What's the difference between a prostitute with diarrhoea and an epileptic oyster shucker? The oyster shucker shucks between fits.

Score: 6

The difference between a prostitute and drug dealer? A prostitute can wash her crack and resell it.

Score: 8

So, the other night I picked up a prostitute... ... And I began to pork her for several hours. I could tell she was really enjoying it, she made all sorts of weird noises.
I must have been going through puberty,
Because I made that hormone.

Score: 11

What's the worst part about being a prostitute in New Zealand? Competing with the sheep.

Score: 9