Hilarious Putin Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Putin Jokes

Putin visits Estonia Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".



"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".



"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".

Score: 9680

A lot of Russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys online. But it’s really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.

Score: 9316

Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious

Score: 3655

Score: 2041

What is the difference between Clinton and Putin? Putin can win a rigged election.

Score: 1262

Russia's president wasn't elected.... He was Putin!

Score: 541

How did Trump propose to Putin? He went to Jared.

Score: 486

Can a woman be the president of Russia? No because Putin is not a woman

Score: 451

Trump Advisor: "You should't have called Putin to congratulate him on winning a sham election...." Trump: "Why not? He called to congratulate me!"

Score: 346

Say what you want about Vladimir Putin.. But not many people can run two countries at once

Score: 306

Say what you want about Putin but he's the world hardest working president, He has to run two countries instead of one.

Score: 267

Putin nowadays be like: all I want is peace. A piece of Ukraine.

Score: 232

What do Americans and Putin have in common? They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

Score: 205

Why can't Russia have a female president? Because Putin is not a woman.

Score: 204

Putin recently won the election with about 77 percent of the vote, Over the next few weeks Russia will see a 23 percent population decrease.

Score: 180

Putin lands at Helsinki airport... ...and the immigration officer says "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin". "Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia". "Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".

Credit goes to a dude in the Finland thread. Made me laugh.

Score: 150

Putin on a trip. Vladimir Putin is traveling abroad. He enters the customs line, approaches the agent and is asked:

Agent: age?

Putin: 66

Agent: occupation?

Putin: not this time, just visiting.

Score: 138

In Russia, you don't vote for Putin... Putin votes FOR you.

Score: 128

What do you get if you cross Putin with a... Bang! You don't cross Putin!

Score: 126

Vladimir Putin is at an airport and is going through customs. Customs officer: Occupation?

Putin: No, just visiting.

Score: 125

How do Putin opponents commit suicide? Two bullets to the back of the head.

Score: 117

Donald Trump had a great inauguration speech It sounds like he Putin a lot of practice

Score: 114

Trump called Putin to congratulate him on winning the election. Putin said, 'Thanks, but why have you waited for over a year?

Score: 92

Vladimir Putin's approval rate is 80%... The other 20% are missing.

Score: 89

Russia's Three Steps to Homework Step 1. Putin it off

Step 2. Stalin

Step 3. Russian to finish

Score: 81

How did Putin propose to Trump? He went to Jared.

Score: 80

What did Putin say to Ukraine after invading? Crimea River.

Score: 66

Why was Putin late for dinner with Obama? Because he got Snowden.

Score: 65

I think Putin woke up late today I saw him Russian to work

Score: 54

If some part of your job feels utterly pointless, remember Putin campaigned for the 2018 elections.

Score: 54

So Trump is working with Putin on cybersecurity... In other news, the principal at my school is working with the boys to install a surveillance system to insure privacy in the girls' locker room.

Score: 52

What kind of pasta sauce does Trump LOVE!!! Putin-esca

I made this up myself just now.

Score: 49

Question: Can the President fire the Director of the FBI? Yes, of course. If he can put Trump in office, President Putin can certainly fire Comey too.

Score: 28

Why does Putin always take the bus to work? His car is always Stalin

Score: 27

Trump calls Putin on the phone Trump says, "You need to stop annexing territory in Ukraine"

Putin responds, "Crimea river"

Score: 26

Vladimir does not pull out... He only *putin*

Score: 23

Tributes from around the globe are still pouring in after the death of Sir Roger Moore… The one from Vladimir Putin read: "From Russia, with love."

Score: 16

What happens to investigative journalists in Russia? They're Putin jail

Score: 14

Russian Elections Ministry of Russian election announcement: Elections of Vladimir Putin will commence as planned in 2018.

Score: 14

Why does Putin love Trump so much? Because the Russians love a good joke

Score: 12

New Putin Jokes

Obama said in an interview that Putin had asked him "How is Joe?" to which he responded "Biden?" then Russian President replied "Joe Mama"

Score: 3

It's not easy being the President of Russia Putin waking up.

Oh glorious leader, bad news ... we have lost Georgia

"Again?"

Score: 4

Russia isn’t doing a good job at achieving world power Maybe they should Putin more

Score: 5

Hey, have you heard that the president of Russia was kidnapped? They say he was Putin the trunk of a car.

Score: 2

What hotel does Putin prefer? The Ritz.

Score: 2

Putin wants everyone to move to Moscow. Don't worry if you're busy. He won't Russia

Score: 3

What Vladimir Putin and General Sherman have in common? Invading Georgia.

Score: 2

What do General Sherman and Putin have in common? Burning Georgia.

Score: 2

Revamped Reagan/Churchill-Gorbachev marathon joke. Trump, Hillary, and Putin ran a marathon.
Trump wins, Putin finished last.

US newspapers: Hillary finished second.

Russian newspapers: Putin won.

Score: 2

Vladimir Putin receives a phone call from his assistant after the election... "Good morning, Mr. Putin. I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that your adversary has taken 61% of the vote. The good is, you've taken more."

Score: 3

I don't think Putin won a fair election Hillary won the popular vote

Score: 2

The Russian Election is coming up again pretty soon I hear Putin won

Score: 2

How did Putin get engaged to Trump? He went to Jared.

Score: 10

What do you call Vladimir Putin after a horseback ride on a sunny day? Russian dressing

Score: 2

I believe we should take care of our world leaders. They should not be lame, sick, or unsightly. With that in mind, I went to Russia to see if I could help but they turned me away. No Putin tended.

Score: 3

Which president has won elections on three continents? Putin

Score: 2

What is Trump's favorite song? Putin on the Ritz.

Score: 2

What does Russia call bombing a country? Putin it away.

Score: 3

What did Putin say to Obama when Russia annexed Crimea? Crimea river.

Score: 5

Why does Trump never miss an appointment with Putin? Because it is a mandate

Score: 11

What did Putin say after catching flak for invading the Ukraine? Crimea river

Score: 9

A mosquito landed on Vladimir Putin's arm the other day... It was later found to have swatted itself in the back of the head.

Score: 3

I've always wondered, which Russian state position has greater power, between being a PM and a President... Turns out, it's whichever one the PUTIN currently holds.

Score: 2

What did Putin say when he was called out about Ukraine? Crimea river.

Score: 1

The Russian election system Where citizens choose between Vladimir Putin or a KGB firing squad.

Score: 4

Putin on the Ritz It is not the Best Western hotel.

Score: 1

What did Putin's wife say to him at night? put-in

Score: 1

What is Putin's favorite instrument to play? Trump/Pence

Score: 5

Some days it just feels like the media is Putin me on If they keep Russian to conclusions, next they'll say Trump is Stalin an investigation.

Score: 1

Stop Stalin... ...And start Putin your foot on the gas so we can get Russian around!

Score: 1

What is the only thing Stephen Colbert's mouth is good for? Putin Trump in his place.

Score: 4

If Russia has been.... If Russia has been meddling with American politics and Trump is Vladimir Putins Puppet... Does that make Vladimir Putin a Trumpeteer?

Score: 2

What did Putin say to the Ukraine when they complained about Russian aggression? Crimea river!

Score: 4

What's Vladimir Putin's favorite song? Crimea-River

Score: 2

Why is it always sunny in Russia? Putin doesn't like rainbows.

Score: 2

What did the judges say about the Russian athlete that lost a race? "Well, at least he Putin a good effort."

Score: 8

The three stages of writing a paper: 1. putin it off

2. stalin

3. russian to finish

Score: 6

Donald Trump needs to be Putin his place Pun intended

Score: 1

What's the opposite of Putin? Pull out

Score: 1

How to write a paper at Moscow University: 1) Putin it off

2) Stalin it

3) And then Russian to finish it.

Score: 5

what's the difference between putin and a microwave? one is a spy, the other is the president of the russian federation

Score: 1

Putin, Obama and Trump walk into a bar... ... the bartender looks up and says: "This isn't funny anymore!"

Score: 9

If the current Russian president is preparing to lead a series of swift military offensives... ...does that mean he's Putin on a blitz?

Score: 7

Why did the Russian walk to work? Because his car kept Stalin and he wasn't Putin up with it any more

Score: 5

If Vladimir Putin wanted to poison a Mexican political enemy, would he use pollonium... Or would he be too chicken?

Score: 1

What did the leader of Russia say when someone knocked on the bathroom door? Leave me alone Im Putin

Score: 3

Guys... I don't think Trump is really our president... He might just be Putin us on!

Score: 2

Trump never eats russian salad... He knows what Vladmir Putin it.

Score: 7

In all fairness, Trump can't release his tax returns At least not until Putin sends him his W2s.

Score: 6

The NSA just intercepted a message from Vladimir Putin to Melenia Trump. It said,"good, now that you are First Lady, GET MOOSE AND SQUIRREL!"

Score: 2

NASA spent 1.5mil on a pen that works in space. Russia putin a pencil.

Score: 4

On election night Trump asked if he had won... Putin said urine

Score: 1

The controversy surrounding Donald Trump and the Russian hacking of American voting machines is being blown way out of proportion... who cares if Putin voted for him.

Score: 1

A history professor was given a boring lecture about Russian dictators Finally, an exasperated student exclaimed,"stop, you're putin me to sleep"

Score: 2

What's a russian's favorite golf club? A putin wedge.

Score: 4

Why is Russia such a gassy country? Because their leader has been Putin for a long time.

Score: 1

How do you know Putin is late for Thanks Giving? He's Russian to Turkey.

Score: 3

So I heard Russia banned Scientology... I guess they're not Putin up with that.

Score: 1

What did russian judge say to the jury? I better stop Stalin for time and Putin a little more effort.

Score: 2

A communist homework joke... Stop Putin it off man. You're Lennin it get to you. I know it's stressful but you really need the good Marx. You really are just Stalin the enevitable. Do it Mao!!

Score: 1