Rabbi Jokes

Contents

Funniest Rabbi Jokes

A man tells a Rabbi: "I have a strong desire to live to eternity" "Get married," replies the Rabbi.

"Is that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?"

"Not really, but the desire will disappear."

Score: 9868

That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Score: 490

A priest, a rabbi, and a chicken walk into a bar. The bartender says "Nope! We don't do jokes here, get out!"
And the chicken says, "Come on guys, I know a place across the street."

Score: 98
Funny Rabbi Jokes
Score: 88

A man tells a Rabbi: "I have a strong desire to live to eternity" "Get married," replies the Rabbi.

"It's that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?"

"Not really but the desire will "disappear"."

Score: 51

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead ...a doctor, a lawyer and an accountant, a Brit, a German and an American, a priest, a rabbi, two camels and a duck walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them all and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

Score: 49

A rabbi, a priest, and an atheist walk into a bar. The bartender sees them and says, "What is this, a joke?!"

Score: 42

A Rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder... The bartender asks, “Hey buddy, where did you get that?”
The frog responds, “Brooklyn, they’re all over the place!”

Score: 33

Did you hear about the rabbi who had to circumcise elephants? The pay was terrible but the tips were huge!

Score: 29

How does the Rabbi make his coffee? Hebrews it

Score: 29

How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it.

Score: 28

A priest, an Imam, and a Rabbi walk into a bar... The bartender looks up and says: "What is this, some kinda joke?"

Score: 27

A Jewish woman goes to see her Rabbi... and asks, "Yankele and Yosele are both in love with me, who will be the lucky one?"

The wise old Rabbi answers, "Yankele will marry you. Yosele will be the lucky one."

Score: 26

What do you call two Jewish rabbits? rabbi

Score: 26

What's the difference between a Rabbi and a Priest? Both have different rituals for 13 year old boys.

Score: 26

A priest, a rabbi and penguin walk into a bar IT'S THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Score: 23

Rabbi So today I was wondering, when a rabbi performs a circumsision, does he get paid or does he just keep the tips?

Score: 20

A Rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar The bartender asks - is this some kind of joke?

Score: 20

A rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on one shoulder ... The bartender says, "Hey, where'd you get that?" And the frog says, "Brooklyn, der's hundreds of um."

Score: 17

The Pope walks into a synagogue the Rabbi asks, "Why the wrong faith?"

Score: 17

A guy goes to his Rabbi to price a circumcision... He says, "Rabbi, how much do you charge for a circumcision?" And the Rabbi says, "Not much, I just keep the tips."

Score: 15

Did you head about the rabbi who only drank lemonade? He's an acidic Jew....

Score: 15

A Priest, a Rabbi, a Nun, two gorillas, a leopard, a horse, two turtles, and a dragonfly walk into a bar. Bartender yells, “What is this, some sort of joke?”

Score: 14

How does a rabbi makes his coffee? Hebrews it.

Score: 14

What's a rabbi's favorite martial art? Jew-jitsu.

Score: 14

A Nun, a Priest, and a Rabbi walk into a bar... The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Score: 13

Did you hear about the rabbi who lost his job after a botched circumcision? He got the sac.

Score: 13

A guys is at a party..... and steps behind two other guys. He notices that they are a Priest and a Rabbi and both are holding ducks.
He says "What is this? a joke?"
The Priest looks back and says, "No, this is the punchline."

Score: 13

Why does the Rabbi never buy beer? Because Hebrews his own

Score: 13

A Jewish woman goes to see her Rabbi She says to him, "Yankele and Yosele are both in love with me, who will be the lucky one?"

The wise old Rabbi answers, "Yankele will marry you. Yosele will be the lucky one."

Score: 13

A rabbi, priest, and lawyer walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Score: 12

What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? The rabbi cuts them off, the priest sucks them off.

Score: 7

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"

Score: 7

A Rabbi, a Priest and an Imam walk into a bar The bartender looks up and says "what, is this some kind of joke?"

Score: 6

A ninja, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Good to see you two”

Score: 6

A blond, a rabbi, a schoolkid, a lawyer, a prostitute, the pope, a pirate and George Bush walk into a bar... The bartender says:

Is this a joke?

Score: 5

A priest, Rabbi, and Muslim Cleric walk into a bar... The bartender looks up and goes, "what is this some sort of joke?"

Score: 5

What do you call a sneezing rabbi AaaJeww!

Score: 4

A rabbi comes home and tells his wife A rabbi comes home and tells his wife: "Honey, I made seven people happy today. I had three couples married."

"Who's the seventh person?" asks the wife.

"Do you really think I did it for free?" says the rabbi.

Score: 4

What do you call a leftover rabbi? Resi-jew.

Score: 4

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New Rabbi Jokes

A priest is in a bar when a rabbi walks in and says “I have the Coronavirus!” Then a nun walks in and says “so do I!” Then a black dude walks into the bar and robs all three of them.

Score: 0

A priest, a rabbi, and an interrupting sheep ...walk into a BAAAAAHHH

Score: 0

Rabbi, priest and pastor walk into a bar and bartender says "what is this, some kind of joke?"

Score: 1

Are you a Rabbi practicing in Georgia, U.S.A? 'Cause Jew Macon me crazy

Score: 2

What do a waitress and a rabbi have in common? They both take tips.

Score: 2

What do you call a martial arts class taught by a rabbi? Jew Jitsu

Score: 2

What do you call the last answer on your Rabbi's trivia night? The Final Solution to the Jewish Question

Score: 2

A rabbi comes home and tells his wife "Honey, I made seven people happy today. I had three couples married."

"Who's the seventh person?" asks the wife.

"Do you really think I did it for free?" says the rabbi.

Score: 1

A rabbi was asked how much does he charge for a circumcision... He replied : "I just keep the tips."

Score: 2

What's Rabbi Peter's favourite planet within our solar system? Jew-Peter of course!

Score: 2

What do a waitress and Rabbi have in common? They both take tips.

Score: 1

What type of martial arts did the Rabbi Practice? Jew-jit-su.

Score: 1

A priest, a rabbi and a leprechaun walk into a bar. The leprechaun looks around and says, "Saints preserve us! I'm in the wrong joke!"

Score: 4

Recently I met this dyslexic rabbi. He kept saying, 'Yo.'

Score: 3

What do you call a Rabbi on a hill? A Mountain Jew

Score: 3

A Rabbi's son asks him for a dollar The Rabbi said, "50 cents! , what do you need a nickel for?

Score: 2

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar… …mitzvah. The priest was the rabbi’s Plus One.

Score: 1

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?

Score: 2

How does a rabbi make his coffee? He brews it

Score: 3

A rabbi slipped during a circumcision... ...he got the sack.

Score: 2

As a carpenter my father used to always tell me "Son, remember it's measure twice cut once." I just wish he'd told my Rabbi that too.

Score: 4

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar... The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''

Score: 1

A Rabbi, a horse, and a leprechaun walk into a bar... ...and the bartender says, "What do guys think this is, a joke?"

Score: 2

A rabbi, an irishman, a travelling salesman, and a cowboy walk into a bar. The bartender asks them "what is this, some kind of joke?"

Score: 4

What's the weirdest thing you ever masterbated with? A piece of ham.

I felt guilty so I went to my rabbi and confessed.

He told me "you're a Jewish boy you should have used a nice piece of brisket"

Score: 1

A priest, an Imam, and a rabbi walk into a bar. A priest, an Imam, and a rabbi walk into a bar. Barman asks " What it's this? Some kind of joke?"

Score: 2

What language does a New Zealander Rabbi use to greet people? HeyBru

Score: 3

What do you ask a pregnant Rabbi? When is the baby Jew?

Score: 2

A man is looking at a graffiti text in Hebrew A passing rabbi is curious and asks whether he knows what is written there.
‘Of course, it says SIR, YOU ARE STUPID.’
‘Oh, but you forgot to read it right to left. So it actually says STUPID ARE YOU, SIR.’

Score: 1

What game did the Rabbi play with the Baby? PeekaJew

Score: 2

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