Hilarious Restaurant Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Restaurant Jokes

I went to a restaurant. It was full; no place to sit...
I took out my mobile,
Placed it to my ear and said loudly- "Bro come fast, she's here with someone else...
Six couples ran away

Score: 1289

A girl in a restaurant asked me "Are you single?". I happily replied "Yes" She took away the extra chair in front of me.

Score: 1046

A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant,"Are you single?" I Happily I replied," Yes...."

She took away the extra chair in front of me.

Score: 1037

I ate at Mary Poppin's Restaurant last night... Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious

Score: 807

This girl said she knew me from the vegetarian restaurant... But I've never met herbivore!

Score: 795

I was at a restaurant.... and the the waitress yelled "Does anyone know CPR?!".
I replied "I actually know the whole alphabet."
Everyone laughed except for this one guy.

Score: 734

It is my first time in court and I heard the judge shouting, "Order!!" So I replied fried chicken, mac and cheese and cola. Now I'm being escorted out by two officers. I think we are going to a restaurant.

Score: 710

Why did the cannibal leave the restaurant? Because he got cold feet.

Score: 651

Score: 631

I was at a restaurant when I noticed my waitress had a black eye... So I ordered really slowly, because she obviously doesn't listen well.

Score: 625

I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant last night The bill was huge!

Score: 598

So I decided to build a Restaurant on the moon The food is great and all but there's no atmosphere.

Score: 466

A tennis ball walks into a restaurant.... a waiter asks: "Have you been served?"

Score: 450

My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week. My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.

Score: 404

What is a cannibals favorite restaurant? Five Guys

Score: 399

Have you guys heard about the new restaurant on the moon? Early critics say the food is good, but there's no atmosphere.

Score: 367

I think the Rainforest Cafe takes the whole rainforest theme too far. This one time I was sitting there eating my chicken tenders and they bulldozed 40% of the restaurant.

Score: 309

One day, Obi-Wan and Luke visit a Chinese restaurant... Obi-Wan is eating normally, but Luke is having so much trouble with the chopsticks he's spilling the food all over the table.

Eventually, Obi-Wan becomes angry and says, "Use the forks, Luke!"

Score: 269

I went to a restaurant. Every table was occupied with couples,
there was no seat vacant.
I took out my phone and said loudly
"Dude, your girlfriend is here with someone else. Come here fast."

9 girls left their seats for me.

Score: 261

I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye so I ordered reallllyy slow, because she obviously doesn't listen.

Score: 260

So i just ate at this new restaurant called “Karma” They don’t have menus, they just give you what you deserve.

Score: 248

A Mexican goes to a Chinese restaurant... He sits down at his table, and notices a small bottle of black liquid on his table. He picks it up and looks at the label and says, "yes, you are."

Score: 229

I wnet to an Indian restaurant and ordered biryani... The waiter said, sorry sir, I don’t know what a birlaurel is.

Score: 210

What does Hillary Clinton say when she's unhappy at a restaurant? Can I have a different server?

Score: 198

I was eating soup one day outside my favorite restaurant and it started raining.. Took me hours to finish my meal.

Score: 182

Why is a bulimic's favorite restaurant KFC? Cause it comes with a bucket.

Score: 172

The best way to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a mirror. The restaurant will ask you to leave before you can eat too much.

Score: 163

I was dining alone at a restaurant one evening. In the middle of my meal, a very pretty woman of about 25 came to my table and asked, "Are you single?"

I smiled and nodded.

She took the other chair and brought it back to her table.

Score: 153

What do chess and eating at a restaurant in Australia have in common? They both end with a check mate

Score: 143

2 lawyers are in a restaurant eating their sandwiches. The owner walks in and says, "You can't eat your own food in here!"

The lawyers sigh and swap sandwiches.

Score: 141

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Good food, but no atmosphere.

Score: 135

I once went to a Native American restaurant but was turned away. They told me it was reservation only.

Score: 120

What did the Jedi order at the Italian restaurant? Only one cannoli.

Score: 108

I went to a restaurant last night where none of the food was real; it was all just special effects. CGI Fridays.

Score: 104

Did you hear about the woman who died in an Italian restaurant? She pasta way.

Score: 77

Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? It has fantastic food but no atmosphere.

Score: 77

I went to a restaurant on the summit of Mt. Everest. I give it 3 stars. Food was good, not much atmosphere though.

Score: 72

I'm gonna open a Pho restaurant that never closes! It's called Twenty Pho Seven

Score: 71

A robot man walks into a robot restaurant. A robot waiter approaches and asks him for his robot order.
The robot man orders a robot steak.
The robot waiter asks him how he wants his robot steak prepared.
The robot man replies, "Weld on".

Score: 64

Why did the restaurant on the moon fail? The food was decent but it had no atmosphere.

Score: 53

New Restaurant Jokes

I went to a expensive restaurant last night and I got a meal and a bottle of champagne for free. They do it for everyone who jumps out of the toilet window and runs off.

Score: 6

A pretty woman came up to me in a restaurant and asked if i was single I smiled happily and answered "yes"

she took the extra chair away from my table.

Score: 6

Two guys walk into a chemistry themed restaurant The first guy says “I’ll take an H2O”, second guy says “I’ll take an H2O too” and then he died.

Score: 15

Why did the Olive Garden manager get locked out of the restaurant? He had Gnocchi

Score: 12

The man who invented autocorrect has died today Restaurant in piece.

Score: 18

I went to a Lord of the Rings themed restaurant. The food was horribly authentic and the waitress was as uglier than an Orc, but I have to give her credit. There was a table of 12 and it only took her ... ...one bring to gruel them all.

Score: 14

I went to an Indian restaurant and asked the server if there were any bread options... He said, “Sorry sir. We have naan.”

Score: 9

The owner of a Chinese restaurant is doing his wife He says I want 69. His wife replies why you want beef and broccoli right now?

Score: 10

Three Jewish women having lunch in a restaurant... Waiter approaches and asks, "Is anything OK here?"

Score: 6

What’s the difference between a panda and a cop in an ethnic restaurant? A panda eats chutes and leaves. The cop eats, shoots and leaves.

Score: 9

I have worked in a restaurant and within the tech industry... The biggest difference is the meaning of the phrase "My server just went down on me."

Score: 8

A man goes to a restaurant.. A man goes to a restaurant and is ready to order
' So what would you have, sir?'

Yes, I would like to order lasagna please

'Sir.. this is a Chinese restaurant..'

Oh I'm so sorry! I would rike to order the rasagna prease!

Score: 19

What do you do if there are too many bright lights at your Chinese restaurant? Dim some

Score: 10

I set up a restaurant for overweight people I'm trying to cater for a wide audience

Score: 6

I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant the other day The bill was huge!

Score: 42

A restaurant in my town just started serving human body parts. They've really got a leg up on the competition now.

Score: 9

The secret to a long marriage is that we take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes on Tuesdays. I go on Fridays.

Score: 17

A man and a woman are in a restaurant... When their food arrives, the man exclaims “Well this looks delicious! Let’s eat”

“But don’t we have to say prayer first?” Says the woman

“Honey, we do that at home. Here the chef knows how to cook”

Score: 18

I just had dinner at a Chinese-German fusion restaurant a couple of hours ago The food was great but now I'm hungry for power.

Score: 24

An unfortunate business idea I once started a restaurant inside an airplane that was no longer functional. Sadly, it never took off.

Score: 40

Have you heard of the new restaurant on the moon? It has great food, but no atmosphere..

Score: 7

After my mother’s funeral, we all went for lunch at an Indian restaurant. When the waiter came to check that we had everything on our order he noticed my daughter crying. He asked me what was wrong, I told him she was just missing her nan.

Score: 52

A pessimist arrives at a restaurant for his date. He says, "A table for one, please."

Score: 9

Today I kicked a breastfeeding mom out of my restaurant Not because other customers thought she was indecent, but because we have a no outside food or drinks policy

Score: 28

What's a newborn baby' favorite restaurant? Hooters

Score: 9

Just been to an apathetic Japanese restaurant. No forks were given.

Score: 12

Happy Valentine's Day Restaurant offers 25% discount for men who show up with their wife, 20% discount for men who show up with their girlfriend on Valentine's Day.
It's on the house for anyone who show up with both.

Score: 27

Why a restaurant on the moon wouldn't work? There would be no atmosphere.

Score: 7

After eating at a German restaurant, I had horrendous diarrhea for a week. It was the wurst.

Score: 6

I didn't go to college, but if I did, I would have taken all my tests at a restaurant Because the customer is always right

Score: 21

There's a new restaurant on the moon The food is great but the place has no atmosphere.

Score: 32

A married couple was eating at a restaurant when the wife noticed her ex-husband sitting at the bar. "He's been drinking since I left him seven years ago" she said to her current husband.

"That's silly, dear" he replied. "No one celebrates that much."

Score: 7

The best restaurant in space has great food but no atmosphere.

Score: 9

Two cows walk into a vegan restaurant. The waiter says, "We don't serve your kind here."

Score: 18

If I had a nickel for every time I got kicked out of a restaurant... Maybe I wouldn't have to keep stealing the food

Score: 19

What's Luigi's favorite dish at a seafood restaurant? It's a Cala-Mario!

I thought of this joke while I was dreaming one night and laughed myself awake.

Score: 41

If Fred Durst opened a BBQ restaurant, he'd probably call it... LIMP BRISKET

Score: 7

A mummy phones a restaurant and asks to reserve a table for the Pharaoh Sakrakhotep I... The woman at the restaurant says, “Could you spell it out, please?”

The mummy says, “Of course: bird, two triangles, wavy line, bird again, jackal’s head, and a scarab.”

Score: 13

Tried to order bread at an Indian restaurant They told me they had naan left

Score: 29

So a husband and wife go out to dinner And the restaurant has a bar with a man who is drunk and making a fool of himself.

Wife: Honey, that man making a fool of himself over at the bar asked me to marry him 20 years ago

Husband: And he's still celebrating

Score: 5

What's Peter pans favourite fast food restaurant? Wendy's

Score: 36

I waited on this volleyball team at this restaurant I work at. I guess you can say they got served.

Score: 5

Went to a restaurant with Brutus He wasn't keen on the Caesar. But he still et tu.

Score: 5

I really like European food... ...so I decided to Russia over to a European restaurant because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.

Score: 6

If I'm at a restaurant waiting for the waiter... Who's really the waiter?

Score: 14

I was sitting in the Chinese restaurant, thinking about how duckling means little duck... So I canceled my order of dumplings.

Score: 15

At a restaurant, I was getting impatient waiting on my food... I caught the waiter's attention as he rushed by. “How long will my spaghetti be?”

The waiter said: “I don’t know. We never measure it.”

Score: 47

I just heard the inventor of autocorrect died... ...may his sole restaurant in pieces.

Score: 15

Guy walks into a Mexican restaurant but he's not that hungry... And they serve free tortilla chips. He asks for one chip and they give it to him. He swipes his credit card, and nothing happens. The employee looks at him and says, "Dude... it's a chip."

Score: 21

I was in a restaurant when... A man asked 'Who knows CPR?'

And I said, 'I know all the letters of the alphabet!'

And we all laughed,

And laughed,

And laughed,

Except one guy

Score: 13

Opening a new Pho restaurant that never closes Going to call it Twenty Pho Seven.

Score: 16

I worked at a restaurant It didn't pay much, but at least it put food on the table.

Score: 8

Hey, did you hear about that new restaurant on the moon? The place is great, but it has no atmosphere

Score: 12

At the restaurant with food still on my plate... Server: "Do you wanna box for that"
Me: "No. It's not worth fighting for"

Score: 13

The lights at the Chinese restaurant were too bright... ... so the manager had to dim sum

Score: 33

Hillary Clinton has been frequenting a new restaurant, reports say. I guess the main appeal of it is her own private server.

Score: 6

How's the new Chinese restaurant downtown? Eh...

It's tso-tso.

Score: 5

My other half and I went to a restaurant. I said to the waitress, "Can I have the lemon grilled salmon?"

"Do you want anything on the side?"

I said, "I can't answer that with my wife sitting next to me."

Score: 9

5 black people walk into a restaurant... And the first one says, "Table for three please."

Score: 25

I've opened a restaurant called 'Karma'... There's no menu, you just get what you deserve.

Score: 24