Hilarious Road Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Road Jokes

A construction worker walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt. The bartender asks: “What can I get you?”
The construction worker says “One beer for me, and one for the road.”

Score: 3933

Joke from my daughter Her: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
Her: To get to the ugly guy's house.
Me:???
Her: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Her: It's the chicken!

Score: 3843

Why did Bill Barr gas protestors? So the chicken could cross the road

Score: 2402

Yo Mama so fat I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas

Score: 1768

Score: 1662

85% of all Fords made are still on the road today... The other 15% made it home.

Score: 1645

I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Score: 1410

Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape Kim Jong Un's long range missiles.

Score: 1367

Why did the sperm cross the road? I accidentally put on the wrong sock this morning.

Score: 1261

Why the crab cross the road? It didn't, it used the sidewalk.

Score: 879

One day I changed a lightbulb, crossed the road, and walked into a bar. Then I realized my whole life was a joke.

Score: 865

Why did the Libertarian cross the road? None of your damn business. Am I being detained?

Score: 777

Why did the sperm cross the road? I put on the wrong sock this morning.

Score: 753

Why did the vegan cross the road? To tell someone he was a vegan.

Score: 700

A driving teacher asks his student "There are 2 people standing on the road, your mother and your wife. What do you hit?" Student: "My wife"

DT: "For the 3rd time, you'll hit the brakes!"

Score: 623

A man holding a large block of asphalt walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "A beer for me, and one for the road."

Score: 590

I never wanted to believe my husband was stealing from his job as a road worker... ...but when I got home all the signs were there.

Score: 585

Why did the EA executive cross the road? Buy the DLC to find out!
Alternate ending available if you purchase the season pass!

Score: 568

As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal." "Until the pressure got to him."

Score: 501

In the US people drive on the right side of the road, but here in Atlanta we drive on what's left.

Score: 490

My 5 y/o cousins joke :) Him:Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
Him: To get to the stupid persons house.
Me: *voluntary laugh as older cousin*
Him: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Him: It's the chicken!

I fell right into the little tackers trap!

Score: 487

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Score: 479

My dad I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Score: 474

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong pair of socks this morning.

Score: 441

I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing things at his job as a road worker But when I got home, all the signs were there

Score: 398

Why did the gamer cross the road? Buy the DLC to find out

Score: 310

I crossed the road, walked into a bar, and changed a lightbulb Then I realized that my life was a joke...

Score: 302

I saw a chicken staring angrily at the road I wondered, "Why did the road cross the chicken?"

Score: 284

Two blondes were on their way to Disneyland ... and came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.

Score: 277

How did the sperm cross the road? I put on the wrong socks

Score: 262

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and asks for a beer The bartender nods,
"and how about one for the road?"

Score: 235

I passed a kid sat on the side of the road dressed in rags earlier. I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"

He replied, "Yes. What gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents."

Score: 200

Dad! Are you stealing? I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

Score: 179

Why did the sperm cross the road ? Because I accidentally put the wrong socks on this morning.

Score: 172

Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken.

Score: 169

I asked a road-kill removal specialist if he would donate to my charity. He said he might be able to scrape together a few bucks.

Score: 168

A turkey was about to cross the road... when a chicken appeared and said "dont do that that, you will never hear the end of it"

Score: 111

Why did the black man cross the road? To eat the chicken

Score: 111

I was walking down the road and I saw this really hot homeless girl... So I asked her if I could take her home with me. She said yes and so I took her box to my house.

Score: 90

They told me to drive it like I stole it So I stayed at the speed limit, followed the road rules and paid attention to my surroundings

Score: 90

New Road Jokes

One from my 3yo - why did the dinosaur cross the road? To eat the chicken

Score: 17

I'm not sure why these shooters are threatening Walmart. There's usually a Target right down the road.

Score: 12

My father who worked as a road worker got fired for stealing from his workplace I couldn't believe it when I first heard it, but when I came home all the signs were there.

Score: 10

Why did the chicken cross the road first thing in the morning? To go to Starbawwwks.

- Partial credit to my 5 year old.

Score: 8

Why is Finland the most competitive country in the world? You can’t find a road, store, or park without a Finnish line.

Score: 8

Hey everyone be careful on the road this holiday because there are a lot of people drinking And their wives are driving

Score: 19

A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt in his hand. He puts the asphalt on the chair next him and says to the bartender: “One beer for me and one for the road.”

Score: 10

Why did the duck cross the road? To get to it's quack dealer.

Score: 11

This kid is dragging a chain down the road and it's bangin' and clanging and making so much noise. An old man pops out of a house and shouts "Son, why you gotta drag that chain?" and the kid replies "Sir, have you ever tried to *push* a chain?"

Score: 19

Why did the chicken cross the road? North Korea's long range missiles don't reach that far

Score: 17

Why did the blind man cross the road? Because he couldn't hear the Tesla coming

Score: 24

Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road? It got stuck in a crack

Score: 40

Why did the little girl cross the road? She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.

Score: 26

why did the soy based meat substitute cross the road? to prove it wasn't chicken

Score: 19

A guy picks up a female hitchiker... And when they're on the road, he jokingly asks "Lady, how do you know I'm not some kind of psychotic serial killer?".

"I dunno, but I guess the odds are pretty low that you're one too.".

Score: 21

Why did the spy cross the road? He was never on your side.

Score: 15

Why did the Chicken Tikka Masala cross the road? Because it was in a curry.

Score: 13

Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape North Korea's long range nuclear missiles.

Score: 9

Women are like road maps. I spend a lot of time looking at them, but they always end up making me confused.

Score: 27

Why did the grape cross the road? No raisin.

Score: 18

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan dude He was standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

Score: 28

Why did Mike Tyson cross the road? To get to the other thide

Score: 19

Why did the depressed chicken stop in the middle of the road? To get to the Other Side

Score: 37

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the White House on the other side

Score: 9

A chicken joke Son: Dad, why did the chicken cross the road?

Me: I don't know. Why?

Son: To get to the ugly man's house.

Me: Hmm...

Son: Knock! Knock!

Me: Who's there?

Son: The Chicken!

Me: You're no son of mine.

Score: 11

A woman asks her husband: Woman: Honey, what if someone on the street tried to hit on me and said: "Hey beautiful."?

Husband: Help him cross the road! He must be blind!

Score: 13

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea’s long range ballistic missile can’t reach that far.

Score: 8

I was weaving dangerously in the middle of the road this morning… I really should find a safer place to finish this wicker basket…

Score: 8

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He goes to the bartender and ask
"I'll take a beer ! And another one for the road !"

Score: 26

I was wondering why people keep looking at the cars while crossing the road Then it hit me.

Score: 39

Why did the console gamer cross the road? To render the building on the other side.

Score: 43

How did the ISIS soldier cross the road? In pieces.

Score: 15

A guy walks into a bar... ...with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says to the bartender "I'll take a drink, and one for the road."

Score: 14

My 9 year old daughter's joke Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have the guts.

Score: 16

Why did the vegetarian hot dog cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken!

Score: 17

98% of all Jeeps ever made are still on the road today. The other 2% made it home.

Score: 20

You know the signs that say "End road work"? Have you ever seen the protestors that put them up?

Score: 11

I found a poor old guy unconscious by the side of a road At least I think he was poor because I only found 3$ on him

Score: 27

Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? To get to the Dark Side.

Happy May 4th

Score: 16

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's missiles don't reach that far.

Score: 8

Why did the cow cross the road? To get to her Women's Rights meeting

Score: 21

Two nuns are driving down the road when Dracula jumps out. "Quickly," says the first, "show him your cross". The other winds down the window and leans out and yells, "Get out of the road you jerk!"

Score: 24

Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape Kim Jong Un's ballistic missile.

Score: 14

Why did the flock of geese cross the road? Because they were afraid to fly United.

Score: 18

Life Changed When you realize that the chicken crossing the road is a suicide joke...

Score: 10

A wife calls her husband driving to work and says, "Honey be careful. There's a maniac driving on the wrong side of the road on the highway."

He responds, "One maniac? There are hundreds of them."

Score: 39

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.

(my 10 year old claims to have made this one up)

Score: 12

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Momentum.

Score: 25

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put the wrong sock on in the morning.

Score: 17

I was walking down the road when I saw 4 guys beating one other guy, so by natural instinct I decided to help Haha, he couldn't stand a chance against all 5 of us.

Score: 52

Why did the fisherman cross the road? Because of pier pressure.

Score: 9

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get out of the range of the North Korean missiles

Score: 60

A wife complains..... A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”

The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know that woman!

Score: 23

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker, I don't know how I never noticed that all the signs were there..

Score: 26

We used to live on a very busy main road. But after our 4th child got run over, we decided to move in to a house.

Score: 9

I called the ASPCA hotline to tell them I'd just found six Badgers in a suitcase by the side of the road "Are they moving?" asked the operator

"Not sure" I replied "But that would explain the suitcase"

Score: 86

Why did the PowerPoint cross the road? To get to the other slide.

Score: 10

The iPhone 7 ad has a catchy song... Hit the road Jack

Score: 16

My wife told me I had to give up drinking So I joined the AA.
Unfortunately, I joined the Automobile Association by mistake.
At least either way I'm on the road to recovery.

Score: 36

I saw a magic tractor this morning It was driving down the road, then it turned into a field.

Score: 10