Hilarious Sandwich Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Sandwich Jokes

UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout

EDIT: if i see one more comment that says "knuckle sandwich" i will kidnap all of you and put you on flight 3411

Score: 5725

Score: 4059

If Trump and Hillary are both drowning and you could only save one... What type of sandwich would you make?

Score: 1009

How do you confuse a feminist Tell her you won't let her make a sandwich for you because she is female

Edit: thanks I came back seeing a lot of upvote. This made my day

Score: 952

BOSS: What's going on here? BOSS: What's going on here?

JAMES: Dave's mad because he specifically labelled his sandwich in the fridge and I accidentally-

DAVE: Not accidentally, on purpose!!

JAMES: ugh ok FINE. And I, "on purpose", slept with his wife

Score: 931

“Mommy, could you please make me a sandwich?” “Don’t call me “mommy” just because I slept with your father!”

“So what am I supposed to call you?”

“Just call me Steve, like everybody else.”

Score: 352

How do you confuse a feminist? Tell her you refuse to allow her to make you a sandwich.

Score: 288

TIFU by eating my coworkers sandwich instead of mine. oops wrong sub.

Score: 268

Airport security asked me if I've seen anything unusual ...I just paid $18 for a coke & a ham sandwich...Let's start with that.

Score: 210

A Ham Sandwich Walks Into A Bar ... A ham sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender yells out, "Hey! We don't serve ham sandwiches here." To which the ham sandwich replies, "That's okay, I just wanted a drink."

Score: 193

If you loiter in a Tibetan spiritual leaders sandwich shop every day, then... ... you dilly dally in the Dalai's deli daily.

Score: 179

Why are Subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"? Even art majors deserve recognition

Score: 163

So a sandwich walks into a bar He sits down and asks the bartender for a beer, the bartender says “Sorry we don’t serve food here”.

Score: 143

Did you hear about the chemist who died of lead poisoning? He tried to make himself a Pb&J sandwich

Score: 136

TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich. Whoops, wrong sub.

Score: 130

A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we dont serve food here."

Score: 126

A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender takes one look at him and says, "We don't serve food here."

Score: 113

TIFU by ordering the wrong sandwich Whoops, wrong sub

Score: 96

Strange trend at my office... People are naming food in the break room refrigerator. Today I ate a sandwich named "Kevin".

Score: 92

TIFU By Eating My Boss's Sandwich Oops wrong sub.

Score: 88

A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, "Sorry we don’t serve food here.”

Score: 87

A sandwich walks into a bar... ...and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."

Score: 85

A sandwich walks into a bar And orders a drink.

The bartender says : "sorry sir, we don't serve food".

Score: 81

I went to subway with my wife and asked the girl to make me a sandwich. She said "no problem"
I turned to my wife and said "now, how hard was that?"

Score: 78

A sandwich walks into a bar The bartender stares at it blankly and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food."

Score: 71

Willpower I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'

I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

Score: 68

90% of dogs in Korea are inbred... I'm assuming that means like in a sandwich or something.

Score: 68

TIFU by making my customer the wrong sandwich, giving her an allergic reaction. Whoops. Wrong sub.

Score: 67

Why is Alabama the worlds biggest sandwich? Because the whole state is inbred

Score: 63

Guy goes into a deli He looks over the menu:

Ham sandwich: $5
Roast beef sandwich: $7.50
Handjob: $250

He looks at the hot blonde behind the counter and says, "who gives the handjob?"

"I do!" She says with a smile!

"Well, wash your hands and make me a ham sandwich"

Score: 62

What is the preferred sandwich of the working class? [OC] A plebian-J.

Score: 60

A ham sandwich walks into a bar... The bartender goes sorry, we don't serve food here.

Score: 60

There's a strange new trend at work, people are writing names on the food in the company fridge Today I had a chicken sandwich named Kevin

Score: 54

What did the caveman order at the cafeteria? A Club Sandwich

Score: 51

If your dad is a chemist, never ask him to make you a Pb&j sandwich. Pretty sure I have lead poisoning now.

Score: 27

I was just fired for making an incorrect sandwich Whoops, wrong sub

Score: 15

A sandwich walks into a bar. What does the bartender say? We don't serve food here.

Score: 13

I'm getting ready to go down to support the woman's march. Just waiting on my wife to pack me a sandwich.

Score: 11

TIFU by eating someone else's sandwich. Whoops. Wrong sub.

Score: 11

If you were any more inbred You would be a sandwich.

Score: 11

New Sandwich Jokes

Man walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Hey! Can I get a chicken sandwich?" The librarian admonishes him, "Sir! This is a library." He replies... "Oh sorry, *^one ^chicken ^sandwich ^please!* "

Score: 3

A peasant gives a priest his sandwich, who responds by immediately throwing it into the river When the meal fails to resurface, the priest breathes a sigh of relief knowing now the peasant's lunch was just a sand.

Score: 2

I opened up a sandwich shop that laces all of the meat with LSD Its called the Psychadeli

Score: 2

What dish do you serve an amputee who recently lost both of his lower legs? A below-knee sandwich

Score: 1

A man leaves his bacon sandwich at home before going to work He asks his wife to bring it to him. She didn’t, because it wasn’t her responsiBLT

Score: 3

Whats Alabama state food? Jelly from a PB&J sandwich

Score: 1

I grew up in the small town of Sandwich... Born and bread.

Score: 4

Why shouldn't you eat a chess sandwich? It's stale, mate.

Score: 3

What did the bartender say to the ham sandwich? Sorry, we don’t serve food here.

Score: 2

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Nail a sandwich to the roof.

Score: 3

A Buddhist monk walks into a cafeteria "Good morning Sir what would you like in your sandwich?"

"Make me one with everything"

Score: 5

Just remembered my favourite dad joke of all time. "Bring me a crocodile sandwich and make it snappy."

Score: 3

Batman at McDonald’s What's your chicken sandwich called?

- A McChicken

And the rib?

- A McRib

[Pulls out his Batwallet] I like your style.

Score: 3

What is R. Kelly's favorite sandwich? P&BJ

Score: 4

A boy asked his mum to make him a sandwich She said 'poof, you're a sandwich'

Score: 4

If you ever get into an argument with a girl and she pulls a knife, Pull out ham, bread, and mayo. Instincts will kick in and she will make you a sandwich.

Score: 11

I was going to mail a sandwich, when I noticed it already had stamps. Should I repost on this sub?

Score: 1

A ham sandwich walks into a bar... And the bartender says, "sorry we don't serve food here."

Score: 4

You mama so stupid... she thought LGBT was a type of sandwich

Score: 2

How can a Pb & Jelly sandwich make you sick even though you don't have a peanut allergy? Lead poisoning

Score: 2

I have a sandwich that can cook. It's bakin' lettuce and tomato.

Score: 2

When do you see a sandwich cook? When it's bakin' lettuce and tomato.

Score: 5

So a ham and cheese sandwich walks into a bar And the bar tender says "Sorry mate, we don't serve food"

Score: 2

So I went to the strip club and ordered food One of the girls said, "we don't serve food here."

I said nah I want a twerky sandwich.

Score: 2

A woman found a little boy crying on the street. A woman found a little boy crying on the street.

She asked him: "Why are you crying, boy?"

He answered: "A classmate of mine threw my sandwich away!"

"On purpose?" The woman asked.

"No," he responded, "on the ground!"

Score: 1

Today is Cow Appreciation Day at Chik-fil-a.... But when I went in dressed as my wife they wouldn't give me my free chicken sandwich.

Score: 7

When does a sandwich cook? When it's bakin' lettuce and tomato.

Score: 3

TIL you can get fired from a large American sandwich chain for messing up a single customer's order Whoops, wrong sub

Score: 5

a ham sandwich walks into a bar "A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, 'Sorry we don't serve food here.'"

Score: 3

A man was fired for eating his Boss' sandwich... Whoops, wrong sub.

Score: 2

Why are all sandwich fillers related? Because they're in bread.

Score: 7

There once was a man.. There once was man that went to a restaurant and ordered a sandwich and said his name was "D-d-d-d-dave" and the clerk said "oh do you stutter?" and the man said "no but my dad did and the person to record the birth certificate was a jerk"

Score: 2

What kind of sandwich can you only find in Chinese restaurants in Philadelphia? Filly Cheesesteak

Score: 1

My friend ate my hero sandwich, which made me mad. whoops! wrong sub

Score: 3

When I bit into my sandwich, I broke my teeth Never ask your chemist friend to make you a PB & J.

Score: 5

Recipe for a trump sandwich. 2 slices of white bread.
Full of balogna.
Russian dressing.
And a tiny little pickle.

Score: 2

An African-American woman walks into a sandwich shop An African-American woman called Betty walks into a sandwich shop, and asks if they are serving pork sandwiches.

The man replies, "No Black Betty it's ham or lamb."

Score: 1

How to confuse a feminist. Refuse to let her make you a sandwich.

Score: 3

I heard its National Woman's Day So what kind of sandwich did yours make you?

Score: 3

A hen walks into Subway The sandwich artist says, "Sorry, we don't serve chicken."

Score: 5

Today's Lunch Special: Trump Sandwich White Bread

Full of Baloney

w/ Russian Dressing

and a Small Pickle

Score: 2

Austin Powers: Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Austin Powers: Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich. Atlanta Falcons, deceased, choked on a 25 point lead.

Score: 2

What do you call a women who cant make a sandwich? Single

Score: 2

TIFU by accidentally giving my girlfriend my sandwich that had extra cheese when she's lactose intolerant Whoops, wrong sub.

Score: 6

I'm looking for a joke about a sandwich I saw the other day so I can repost it... Ah, right sub!

Score: 4

McDonalds is releasing a new Japanese fish sandwich. It will be called The Real Mc Koi.

Score: 3

I've been dating this lady who is gluten free... Problem is, we go to a deli, she asks, "do you want to split a sandwich." I say, "sure" and then I'm just left with the bread.

Score: 5

Trump got a sandwich named after him at his favorite deli. Commander in Cheese Meltdown.

They put it on the kid's menu.

Score: 4

TIFU by accidentally giving my vegetarian girlfriend my Italian Sandwich from quizno's instead of her Veggie Delight Sandwich. Oops wrong sub.

Score: 7

My son was twice as hungry as me. So I only ate a one Na fish sandwich.

Score: 1

I wish my wife worked at Subway Maybe then she would make me a sandwich.

Score: 1

ANSWER: $20 and a sandwich QUESTION: What Hillary's speeches are going for these days

Score: 1

I offered my Muslim girlfriend a bite of my gorilla sandwich but she shook her head and said... "That's haram, bae."

Score: 8

Would you like a havarti sandwich? No thank you, havarti got a sandwich!

*rim shot*

Score: 1

My signature sandwich is called "Hamnesia". I forget what's in it.

Score: 4

What does a Super Saiyan always put on his sandwich? Ka-Mayomayo

Score: 6

What did Dave Grohl say when he accidentally dropped his sandwich? "There goes my hero"

Score: 2

A guys wife is in the kitchen making a sandwich when he walks in with a duck under his arm

Score: 4

If Kanye West and Justin Beiber were drowning, and you only save one of them... What kind of a sandwich would you make?

Score: 5

So I was told women are really good at 70 things... Making a sandwich and 69

Score: 2