Santa Claus Jokes

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Funniest Santa Claus Jokes

Funny Santa Claus Jokes
Score: 529

What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? They don't come until you're asleep.

Score: 232

Why don't chinese kids believe in Santa Claus? Because they make the toys.

Score: 212

What's the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? The way they traveled through the chimney.

Score: 200

I would like to be Santa Claus He knows where all the naughty girls live.

Score: 176

What does Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? You have to be asleep or they can't come.

Score: 171

What's the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? Santa goes *down* the chimney.

Score: 143

What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? They both come when you're alseep.

Score: 136

Why has Santa Claus such a big sack? Because he only comes once a year.

Score: 71

You know, I’ve never seen my Dad and Santa Claus in the same room Come to think of it, actually, I’ve never seen my Dad.

Score: 70

Why is Santa Claus always a man? Because no woman will wear same dress year after year for same occasion.

Score: 69

Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? He only comes once a year.

Score: 61

In an attempt to boost morale, my office threw a 'Christmas in July' event today. I got to talking to my coworker from Beijing and asked him, "Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?" He confided in me... "Because they make the toys."

Score: 61

What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common? They only come if you're sleeping.

Score: 58

Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children? Because he only comes once a year, and when he does it's down the chimney.

Score: 48

How are Bill Cosby and Santa Claus similar They both only come when your sleeping

Score: 47

Why is Santa Claus's sack so big? He only comes once a year.

Score: 42

What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common? Neither one can come until you fall asleep

Score: 41

What do Santa Claus and my dad have in common? I’ve never met the real one...

Score: 39

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes ones a year.

Score: 35

TIL Santa Claus is European.. North Polish to be exact

Score: 29

My drunk uncle is Santa Claus He breaks into my house, drinks all the milk and snacks.. Then, he unloads his sack all over the living room.

Score: 29

A little boy wrote to Santa Claus... One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus, "Please send me a sister." Santa Claus wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

Score: 28

Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.

Score: 27

What do Santa Clause and Bill Cosby have in common ? They don’t come until you’re asleep.

Score: 25

My love life is like Santa Claus It exists thanks to gullible six year olds

Score: 24

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Santa stops after three ho's.

Score: 23

What does Santa Claus and Michael Jackson have in common? They both leave little boys rooms with lighter sacks.

Score: 23

I remember laying in bed as a child waiting for Santa Claus to come.... Then there was always that awkward silence afterwards as he put his pants on and left.

Score: 23

Why is Santa Claus so jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live.

I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas.

Score: 21

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three Ho's.

Score: 19

What does Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? They both come when you're asleep.

Score: 11

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three hoes.
(sorry if repost)

Score: 8

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa Claus stops after three ho's.




I don't claim... heard from a colleague of mine.

Score: 8

The main reason Santa Claus is so jolly is because... he knows where all the bad girls live. :3

Score: 8

A Smart Blonde, Big Foot and Santa Claus Jump From A Building. Who reaches the ground first? No one, none of them exists.

Score: 7

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stopped at three ho's.

Score: 7

A dumb blonde, a smart blonde and Santa Claus are playing a card game. Who wins? The dumb blonde does. The other two don't exist.

Score: 7

Since Tiger Woods is back in the news and it's the holiday season.... What is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?

Santa stopped at 3 ho's

Score: 5

Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children? Because he only comes once a year, and it's down your chimney.

Score: 5

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New Santa Claus Jokes

Soon not even Santa Claus can say ho ho ho Because apparently it's offensive to your mom sister and grandmother

Score: 0

How does Santa Clause make sure everyone stays asleep while he visits? He uses his HO, HO, HO

Score: 0

What will Santa Claus say when he see your mom? Ho Ho Ho

Score: 2

I read an article about how FDR dressed up as Santa Claus one time He told kids he was from the North Polio

Score: 1

A plumber, Santa clause and a smart blonde are in an elevator with a dog The dog gets killed, who did it?

The plumber. Santa clause and smart blondes don’t exist.

Score: 1

Do you remember when you were young and you believed things that weren’t true? Like Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, that you’re parents were happy together...

Score: 1

Santa Claus must be Asian.. That's why all of his toys say "Made in China."

Score: 3

What do Kevin Spacey and Santa Claus have in common? They both like to empty their sacks for young boys.
(I know it's an old MJ joke)

Score: 5

“Do you remember why Bill got fired as a Salvation Army Santa Claus?” “Doesn’t ring a bell.”

Score: 2

Whats the difference between Santa Claus and I? Santa Claus stops at 3 hoes

Score: 2

A little girl is visiting Santa Claus and asks for Barbie and G.I. Joe. Santa, confused, replies "but doesn't Barbie come with Ken?"
"No she comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken".

Score: 3

What's the difference between Santa Clause, Kim Jong Un, and 34 ounces of printer ink? One's a deer leader, one is a Dear Leader, and the other is a dear liter.

Score: 1

A little boy asks a dealer in an alley dressed like Santa Claus, "Santa, how do your reindeer fly?"

He replies, "With magic, of course!-

You want some magic?"

Score: 4

Hellen Keller was sure that Santa Claus existed She could feel his presents.

Score: 2

Why doesn't Santa Claus have any kids? He only comes once a year and it's down a chimney.


7th grade represent!

Score: 1

4 Stages of Life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus.
2. You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3. You are Santa Claus.
4. You look like Santa Claus.

Score: 2

Why is Santa Clause such a jolly old man? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Score: 3

What do you call Santa Claus working on a farm? A jolly rancher!

TY

Score: 2

What happened to Santa Clause when he took an English class to write his own letters? He became an independent clause.

Score: 1

What is the linguistic description of sentences like 'ho ho ho' and 'merry Christmas'? They are both santa clauses.

Score: 1

What's the best part of Christmas for Santa Clause? He knows where all the naughty girls live

#*( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)*

Score: 0

Who is Santa Claus? Because if in Spanish, "Santo" or "San" is used for male saints...
(San Francisco, San Diego)
And "Santa" is used for female saints...
(Santa Monica, Santa Barbara)
Wouldn't that make Santa Claus transsexual?

Score: 3

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops after three HOs.

Score: 1

What do black fathers and Santa Claus have in common? Neither are going to show up on one special day of the year to give you gifts and neither really existed in the first place.

Score: 2

How do you know Santa Claus is married? He only comes once a year.

Score: 4

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