Sean Connery Jokes

How does Sean Connery shave? Ctrl+S

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head? "I have only my shelf to blame"

What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside? "Shomething'sh Amish..."

A book falls on Sean Connery's head "Well, I've only got my shelf to blame"

What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon? Tennish.

How does Sean Connery shave? Ctrl-Esh.

Well, that's the last time I tell my girlfriend to sit on my face... whilst doing a Sean Connery impersonation.

One thing that Sean Connery asked his wife only once and never again. To sit on his face.

Does Sean Connery like herbs? Yes, but only partially.

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?... ...I can only blame myshelf.

Sean Connery: A Man Who Conquers All *obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice*

What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle?

When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection.

Sean Connery was arranging the books in his personal library when the wooden plank gave away and all the books fell on him.. His maid rushed to the scene and asked " are you alright, sir ?"

Sean : "it'sh ok..I only have my shelf to blame ."

Where does Sean Connery keep his guns? In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

Sean Connery was recently injured by a pile of books that fell on him. When asked about the incident, he responded, “I had nobody but myshelf to blame.”

Why didn't Sean Connery get his roof fixed? He said he "couldn't find a shingle person to do it."

Sean Connery's New Job Sean Connery's agent calls him up and says "I've got an audition for you tomorrow about 10ish"

Sean says "Great! I'll bring my racket"

Where does Sean Connery put his beard clippings? His shavings account.

The Best Sean Connery Joke In EXISTENCE! (Read in Mr. Connery's voice)
Ash I wash walking through my houshe, a book fell on me.
I had only myshelf to blame.

Why did Sean Connery hire a special kid to clean his kitchen? He had Dish-abilities

What did Sean Connery say when he hit his head on some books? I only have my shelf to blame.

I told Sean Connery about how I was crushed by a pile of books. He said 'you've only got your shelf to blame'.

What Time Did Sean Connery Arrive at Wimbledon? Tennish

What time did Sean Connery arrive at the Wimbledon? Tennish

Why did Sean Connery adopt a cat? Because teaching his dog to sit proved too messy.

What time does Sean Connery show up to wimbledon? Tennish

Sean Connery only asked his wife to sit on his face once. ** comedy silence **

Sean Connery was arranging his bookcase when one of the books fell from the top and landed on his head. Unfortunately Sean Connery only had his shelf to blame.

If Sean Connery starred in Interstellar... He'd tell Murph to stop talking to her shelf.

What did Sean Connery say when a book from his cupboard fell on him? I can only blame my shelf.




Shout out to /r/shubreddit

Sean Connery is standing at your door, wearing white shorts and a white shirt and holding a racket. What time is it? Tennish.

When did Sean Connery get to the Wimbledon Tournament? Tennish.

What did Sean Connery say when all his books fell down? "I blame it on my shelf"

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell down and hit him on the head? I can only blame my shelf

What does Sean Connery call a shrimp that won't share? Shellfish.

What time of day does Sean Connery like to play his favorite sport? Tennish

That's the last time I'll do my Sean Connery impression... ...and tell my girlfriend to sit on my face...

Before he was wed Sean Connery never let anything touch his genitals except for a razor. He was shaving himself for marriage.

Stop eating all the shrimp, Sean Connery It's shellfish.

When does Sean Connery enjoy playing his favorite sport? Ten-ish.