Shakespeare Jokes

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B

My dad has a pencil that was once owned by Shakespeare. It's so chewed up that we can't tell if it's 2b or not 2b.

In order to attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82. "Hello."

If you give a monkey a typewriter, it will eventually write Shakespeare... ...If you give a monkey a camcorder, it will eventually film a dead body and post it to the internet.

Our teacher was supposed to read us Shakespeare today, but she wasn't there. So instead, the subreddit.

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book? Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

I own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works. He used to chew on it so much that I can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B.

What do you call a soldier who is nervous in battle and wields a long weapon? Shakespeare

Why did Shakespeare have a great time in secondary/high school? He didn't have to read Shakespeare.

It is said that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare Today, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true

A new cache of pencils chewed by Shakespeare have been found The bard apparently chewed them so much, he couldnt tell if they were 2B or not 2B

I found an old pencil I found an old pencil that apparently belonged to Shakespeare. It's so chewed up through the years that I can't tell if it's 2B, or not 2B. ✏

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare

I found Shakespeare's old pencil the other day. It was so chewed I couldn't tell if it was 2B or not 2B.

Why did William Shakespeare only write in quill? Because pencils confused him - 2B or not 2B

Why did Shakespeare enjoy high school? He didn't have to learn Shakespeare

What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop? Now is the winter of our discount tents

What did William Shakespeare say regarding atomic orbitals? "2p or not 2p, that is the question."

What do you call it when Shakespeare has a wet dream? Mid summer Night’s cream

TIL I know more words than Shakespeare Shakespeare. Albatross. Conglomerate. Sasquatch. Carnival. I have more...

Why did Shakespeare write only using quills? Pencils confused him - 2B or not 2B.

Why did Shakespeare use ink when he wrote his plays? Because he couldn’t decide which pencil to use; 2B or not 2B.

Hey Shakespeare, are you writing your next play in pentameter? Iamb.

William Shakespeare chewed on his pencil so much... ...that eventually he couldn't tell if it was 2B or not 2B.

To attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare's "Hamlet", Act I, Scene II: "Ay, madam"

Shakespeare Joke Painter: "Y'are a dog."

Apemantus: "Your mother's of my generation. What's she, if I be a dog?"

Why did Shakespeare write only in ink? Because the pencils were confused 2B or not 2B.

Why did Shakespeare only write in ink? A: Pencils confused him — 2B or not 2B?

What do you call a hunter class Neanderthal with Parkinson's Disease? Shakespeare

Shakespeare told us who he was all along. . . BIC PENTAMETER. Its all over his works: I AM BIC PENTAMETER

Shakespeare would have been a terrible umpire. Fair is foul, and foul is fair.

What's the past tense of William Shakespeare? Wouldiwas Shookspeared

What do you call an Islamic militant Shakespeare? The Allahu Ak-Bard.

Shakespeare is like a fish with epilepsy I can't even begin to grasp it.

What did Shakespeare call the baby pig that he kept as a pet? Hamlet

What does Shakespeare say after the 5th glass of water? To pee or not to pee.

What did Shakespeare write in his code? (2b || !2b)

What is the best thing about taking a date to see a play by Shakespeare? Getting to know her afterwords.

On the anniversary of William Shakespeare's death . . . I leave to you my second best joke.