Hilarious Single Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Single Jokes

Score: 13041

I know every single digit of pi! I just don't have them in the right order.

Score: 10168

I asked Siri why I was still single She turned on the front camera

Score: 8896

They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader

Score: 5435

I'm optimistically single. My bed is half full.

Score: 3785

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

Score: 2309

If you're single and you know it Use your hands

Score: 2135

I fought an erection this morning Beat it single handed.

Score: 1960

I know every single digit of pi! Just not in the right order

Score: 1903

Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.

I'm pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.

Score: 1410

Did you guys know that the Soviet Union made the best bread in history? People would wait days in line for a single piece

Score: 1122

A girl in a restaurant asked me "Are you single?". I happily replied "Yes" She took away the extra chair in front of me.

Score: 1046

A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant,"Are you single?" I Happily I replied," Yes...."

She took away the extra chair in front of me.

Score: 1037

Hitler wasn't a very athletic man. He never even finished a single race.

Score: 942

Every single morning I get hit by the same bike It's a vicious cycle.

Score: 863

Adblock makes you unattractive to women... I just installed it and now all the horny single women in my area have lost interest in me.

Score: 808

The term "Every 60 seconds in Africa..." is really stupid Everyone knows Africans don't get seconds, they're lucky if they get a single serving.

Score: 804

Parking a single car doesn’t require much space. But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.

Score: 727

I’m sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion. She’s single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.

Score: 671

Why do guys gain weight after marriage? Because when they're single, they come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge...

Score: 666

I got into a fight with my boner this morning: Don't worry, I beat it single handedly

Score: 656

After being single for ages, my best mate said, "Can I set you up?" I said, "Go on then"

Now I'm doing twelve years for a crime I didn't commit.

Score: 584

My girlfriend said she's a big fan of horoscopes. You know what that makes me? Single.

Score: 519

A plane crashes. Every single person dies. Who survives? Every couple
-my 8yr old daughters riddle

Score: 495

Why are married women heavier than single women? When single women get home, they settle in, take a peek at what's in the fridge, and head for bed. When married women get home, they settle in, take a peek at what's in bed, and head for the fridge.

Score: 478

When I went to Japan on vacation, I didn't see a single ninja. Impressive.

Score: 461

I got in touch with my inner self once... Never buying single ply toilet paper again.

Score: 452

My wife just screamed at me, “You haven’t been listening to a single word I’ve said!” What a weird way to start a conversation

Score: 392

If Valentine's Day is for couples, what day is for single men? Palm Sunday.

First time posting, please be gentle.

Score: 381

Once you go black... ..you become a single mother.

^^^sorry

Score: 362

A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!" A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"

Score: 277

Me: "Siri, why am I single?" Siri: *opens front face camera*

Score: 264

I'm single by choice Just not my choice.

Score: 237

Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.

Score: 220

The US just dropped a new single today It quickly became the number 1 hit in Afghanistan

Score: 204

My girlfriend said she was going to get a massive tattoo of a snake on her back. "Do it," I said. "But it might hurt you."

"I know," she replied. "But it's only a needle."

"No," I said. "I mean being single."

Score: 203

There is a sign in my town that reads "DRIVE SLOW AUTISTIC CHILD" First of all, he has a name.
Secondly, if he has his license he should know good and well how to drive and there is no need to single him out like that.

Score: 127

Study something you like and you will never have to work a single day Because you won't find work

Score: 113

I had a breakthrough and got in touch with my inner self. That's the last time I buy single ply toilet paper.

Score: 109

"Siri, why am I still single"? ...Siri turns on the front camera

Score: 94

New Single Jokes

A pretty woman came up to me in a restaurant and asked if i was single I smiled happily and answered "yes"

she took the extra chair away from my table.

Score: 6

Did you know that there’s not a single canary In the Canary Islands? The same thing goes for the Virgin Islands, there’s not a single canary there either.

Score: 9

I was sitting in a restaurant when... A beautiful girl approached me and asked if I was single.

"Yes", I replied and she happily took the chair.

Score: 5

My favorite pick up line With you I feel like a stud, I was just an STD before

(Also the reason I am still single)

Score: 6

I started a band called "999 megabytes." We still haven't had a single gig yet.

Score: 34

I'm single by choice Unfortunately it's not my choice

Score: 37

I named my dog 6 miles so i can tell people that i walk 6 miles every single day.

Score: 83

Adblock Adblock has been so useful getting rid of advertisements, but for some reason all the single ladies in my area stopped wanting me

Score: 23

If Valentine's Day is for lovers.. then Palm Sunday is for the single.

Score: 9

Homeless people are the most persistent activists in society. Not a single day goes by without them asking for change!

Score: 53

My grandfather was a World War 2 Vet In a single day during the Battle of Britain he was responsible for the destruction of 8 German aircraft killing 32 German airmen.

Easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe had ever had.

Score: 17

I never really understood the hype about having two cell phones I guess you could say I'm a single celled organism

Score: 6

Why did the room packed with married people seem empty? Because there wasn't a single person there.

Score: 25

I haven't slept with a single girl in my life Somehow, they were all in committed relationships.

Score: 7

What do you call a man who makes jokes about women in the kitchen? Single.

Score: 13

Yo mama so fat... It takes more than a single processor to load her chunks.

Score: 29

I walked into a library. "Have you got any books on single life?" I asked the librarian.

"Sorry," she said. "They're all taken."

Score: 23

There's a name for people that believe in horoscopes. They are called single women.

Score: 31

Why are married women fatter than single women? A single girl gets home, looks what's in the fridge and goes straight to bed. A married girl gets home, looks what's in the bed, and goes straight to the fridge

Score: 47

A man is buying a banana, some skittles, and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man responds: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

Score: 5

Girl: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place. Girl: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.

Guy : Awwww..Are you single ?

Girl :No, I'm a Dentist..

Score: 35

I'm single by choice Not my choice, but a choice nonetheless 😭

Score: 10

I'm setting up a website for single dolphins Where true love's just a few clicks away

Score: 28

A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs. A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs.

The female cashier says: "You must be single."

The man replied: " Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

Score: 69

Caravaggio was so unappreciated in his time, he never sold a single painting. He was baroque.

Score: 5

Have you heard of the new senior board game? It's called "Alzhimers Hide 'N Seek".

It's single-player.

Score: 7

What's the difference between autocorrect and my kid? Autocorrect knows every single word in english, except for swears.

Score: 9

Tesla have announced they are going to build the worlds biggest battery. Yet it still won't last a day on an iPhone

Edit: Thats first time I didn't see a single joke in comments. I guess battery issue is quite tricky

Score: 49

My parents in law could never have a baby That's why I'm still single

Score: 5

I saw a single set of footprints in the sand... "Lord," I asked, "why is there but one set of footprints in the sand?"

"My child," he tenderly replied, "Those are Chris Christie's."

Score: 36

Today in the UK we celebrate the 4th of July. The day the average IQ of the British Empire jumped 100 points with a single signature.

Score: 20

Hitler was a hero... He single handedly ended the Holocaust, and killed one of the most evil people from history!

Score: 8

TIL you can get fired from a large American sandwich chain for messing up a single customer's order Whoops, wrong sub

Score: 5

I've solved every single mathematical problem! I have nothing more to add

Score: 8

I asked my daughter what she wanted to be when she grows up. She looked at my wife and said "single."

Score: 22

There are two types of people in the world Those who can draw a conclusion from a single piece of information

Score: 9

A mathematician is paying for his groceries... A mathmatician is paying for his groceries and the cashier asks for him to write his signature. He draws a single wave on the pad. When he sees the cashiers' confused look he says, "What? it says 'sign here'."

Score: 13

Why is there no walmarts in the middle east? Because there are targets on every single corner.

Score: 89

Siri why am I single? Turns on front camera

Score: 12

“I cuddle with my husband about two or three times a week.” “I cuddle with my husband about two or three times a week.”

“Yeah? Me just once.”

“Oh, but wait, I thought you were single.”

“Ah I see. I thought we were talking about your husband.”

Score: 8

Why do women gain weight after they get married? Single women come home, look in the fridge, and go to bed. Married women come home, look in the bed, and go to the fridge.

Score: 78

A guy is buying some game DVDs, some magazines and a six pack. Cashier : "You must be single."

Guy: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

Score: 33

I've been getting in touch with my inner self recently... ...but I guess that's just what happens when you get single ply toilet paper.

Score: 5

A single bird can't destroy capitalism on his own But toucan

Score: 5

In touch with your inner self. If you want to get in touch with your inner self, it's easy. Just buy single ply toilet paper.

Score: 8

I can't wait for an AI to reach 10% of the capabilities of the average human. Then we can replace all of Congress with a single AI.

Score: 17

*A man is trying to prove his innocence in court* Defendant: "Please your honour, I don't have a single bad bone in my body"

Prosecutor: "Well according to your medical exam it appears you have osteoporosis"

Judge: "Guilty"

Score: 5

Apparently Abraham Lincoln kept extremely detailed records of every single tree he cut down, detailing the type of tree, dimensions, even the location where it was cut, and more. They're called the Lincoln Logs.

Score: 5

The comedian made an entire audience laugh without speaking a single word No joke

Score: 42

A man is buying an apple, a banana, and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

Score: 53

I'm really claustrophobic and just walked into a room crammed full with married people... Luckily there wasn't a single person in it

Score: 5

What stops rape every single time? Consent

Score: 46

I can't find a single Ekans here in Ireland with Pokemon Go. Thanks, St Patrick

Score: 60

I told my dad that I don't like being a single child. "I want a brother!" I said.

He said, "Having a child is a long process, your mother and I don't need that right now."

"Maybe you should consider adoption?" I asked.

He said, "No, we're not doing that again."

Score: 10

What's the difference between a married guy and a single guy? Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke.

Score: 79

Did you hear about the couple's resort that burned down? Not a single person died.

Score: 9

Single people think marriage is just a word ... Once you are married you realize it's a sentence.

Score: 6

Trivia: If you stood every single Starbucks employee around the equator... I would totally steal a white chocolate and raspberry muffin.

Score: 5

Fat women are like hydrogen single and abundant

Score: 16

I have a joke about a hipster ...you've probably never heard it.

Q: How much mass is in a single hipster?

A: An Instagram

Score: 7