Sister Jokes

I called my boss to say, ‘sorry I can’t come in today, I’m sick.’ He asked, ‘how sick are you?’

I said; ‘well, I’m in bed with my sister’

My wife said she wanted to be surprised for her birthday So I took her sister to Hawaii for a week

My home town are having their annual incest competition... I’m thinking of entering my sister.

“My wife’s identical twin sister is living with us till she finds a job” I said to my friend

He asked “ do you know how to tell them apart ?”

I remarked “ why should I ?”

My wife asked me what I would do if she left me Apparently "your sister" wasn't the right answer.

My sister is pregnant, and suddenly said, “He’s kicking!” So I punched her in the stomach. Can’t believe her son thinks it’s okay to hit women.

what did the brother cell says to his sister cell when she stomp on his toe? mitosis

My eight year old sister asked me what my unlucky number was "2009"

My parents just told me they’d love another child. I said, “I’d love a little brother or sister!” They said, “That’s not what we meant.”

I bet my sister that I could make a car out of spaghetti.... ...you should have seen her face when I drove pasta

What is mitosis? It's what you say when your sister steps on your foot.

What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis

My wife asked me what I thought the sexiest thing was about her. Apparently, "how much you look like your sister" was not the correct answer.

My sister walked up to me this morning and with disgusted look on her face said to me: ‘You’re on drugs again!!!’ She could be right.. I’m an only child.

"Dad, why did you name me Rain?" Dad: "Because rain was the first thing that fell on you"

Rain: "Oh, I never knew that. Is that why my sister is named Snow as well?"

Dad: "Yes, you are absolutely right"

*a baby cries in the corner*

Dad: Shut up Brick!

"Dad, why is my sister called Rose?" "Becausr your mother likes roses."

"Thanks dad"

"No problem Alex."

Son: Why is my sister called Teresa? Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram

Son: Thanks dad

Dad: No problem Alan

My best friend caught me sniffing his sister's panties It didn't help that they were still on her. Or that all of his family was there too. He did call the cops though. Needless to say it made the rest of her funeral really awkward.

Before going to party my dad said, "Don't bring any girls home, tonight." That was pretty harsh I thought, considering my sister went with me.

I can't believe my sister's new boyfriend is black.. I mean.. She said she met him at work..

Edit: Relax people - I don't even have a sister...

There's an incest competition in my town this weekend. I'm going to enter my sister.

I tripped on a bra in my sister's room It was a booby trap

My sister is moaning and screaming in her bedroom because she is sick. I'm happy that her boyfriend is there to comfort her.

My sister bet me I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!

My sister has just had a baby and she has decided to call him Mark, with a C. Cark.

My 7 year old sister just told me this Friend: Why do people call you a carrot?

Me: Because I do not *carrot* all

My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. I should've seen the look on her face as i drove pasta !

I asked my dad if I could go to a 50 cent concert He said yeah sure, here's a dollar. Take your sister too.

"Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa?" "Because your mom loves Easter and it's an anagram for Easter."

"Thanks Dad!"

"No problem Alan."

If patricide is killing your father, matricide is killing your mother, and fratricide is killing your brother... Is pesticide killing your sister?

My sister is fat so they sent her to a weight loss camp.... I have ADHD, so they're sending me to a concentration camp

My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta

What did the cell brother say to his cell sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis


EDIT: Sorry for the crappy pun, but at least it wasn't one about eggs. I don't tell those types of yolks. Sorry I just really crack myself up.

A husband asks his wife: If I died, would you marry again? A husband asks his wife:
-
If I died, would you marry again?
-
Oh darling, of course I wouldn’t. I’d go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry?
-
No, I think I’d go and live with your sister too.

My Siamese girlfriend has just dumped me... She caught me banging her sister behind her back.

I tripped over my sister's bra the other day It was boobie trap

My sister came home today and said "they have this great new machine at the gym.." "it's got Malteasers, Twix, sodas, you name it!!"

What is the difference between a washing machine and your sister? A washing machine doesn't follow me around for a week after I dump a load into it.

A guy kept calling me sister I was having nun of it

Bio joke What did the cell say to his sister when she stepped on his foot?

Mitosis.

I told my sister that if you rearrange the letters in 'vanilla' you get 'pirate' Her: no you don't

Me: yes, 'a villain' with a missing i.



Note: true story

Boy: My mother's name is Laughing and my father's name is Smiling. Teacher: You must be Kidding.

Boy: No, that's my sister's name, I'm Joking.

My friend got angry at me for sniffing his sister's panties. It didn't help that they were still on her.

Or that their whole family was watching.

This made the rest of the funeral quite awkward.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? You kick his sister in the jaw.

I told my dad to embrace his mistakes. He cried. Then he hugged my sister and me.

Did you ever get two pieces of shocking news at once? I just found out my sister was diagnosed with testicular cancer.

My sister told me she's dating an Irish guy I said, "Oh really?"

She replied, "No, O'Reilly."

Why did the vampire have to get glasses? Because he was blind as a bat!

(My 4 year old sister came up with this one yesterday)

My sister is a theater teacher and asked her class, "What would the world be like without theater?" One of her students replied, "Well, Abraham Lincoln would've lived a bit longer."

How did the redneck find his sister in the woods? Pretty good.

What did one cell say to its sister cell when she stepped on him? "Mitosis !"

A man, his sister and his wife walk into the voting booth to vote for Donald Trump. They've both given it a lot of thought.

what did the biologist say to his sister when she dropped a flask on his foot? Mitosis

A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, "What's wrong?" She says, "My mom died."
He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine."
Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?"
She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"

whats the difference between your sister and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it

My girlfriend broke up with me for spending too much time taking care of my deaf sister... She said I was too ear-responsible

My sister said I'm being immature. I guess she isn't getting her nose back

What did one cell say to his sister cell when he stubbed his toe? *Mitosis*

...

I'll show myself out.

My sister bet me $100 I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

When I was young, my mom's sister used to bake me cakes with lots of icing and cream. She was a fond aunt.