Hilarious Skin Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Skin Jokes

What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit? Oranges have thick skin.

Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!

Edit: Did not expect this joke to get this good of a reception. Thanks, guys!

Score: 1582

What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it? Au-burn

^He^^He^^^He^^^^He

Score: 1370

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those spas where the little fish eat your dead skin It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery

Score: 943

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What is the number one cause of dry skin? Towels.

Score: 829

I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.

Score: 636

I told my wife, "You are so skinny." Then I grabbed her by the love handles and said, "Just look at all this skin."

Score: 572

There's a Greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity. The river sticks

Score: 372

My friend took his grandmother to one of those health spas where tiny fish eat all the dead skin... It cost him $300, but it was a lot cheaper than a funeral...

Score: 271

Why do cops have really clear skin? They're great at popping black heads.

Score: 255

My friend and I signed up to win a lifetime supply of skin lotion. He won and I didn't The worst part is that he keeps rubbing it in.

Score: 236

What is the leading cause in dry skin? Towels.

Score: 156

My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture. Wow thanks I'm cured.

Score: 156

Dark I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.

It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

Score: 145

I was going to cover my bathroom floor with dead baby skin... My wife told be that would be infant tile.

Score: 144

"Mommy, why do I have black skin and you have white skin?" "Honey, when I think back to that night, you're lucky you don't bark."

Score: 137

I just slipped on a banana skin. I look ridiculous in it.

Score: 106

While bathing my 6 year old son, he stuck a wet foam letter to my back. I pulled the letter "P" away from my skin and my son said "Dad, I peed on your back!"

-true story, just happened.

Score: 71

Two police officers walk into a crime scene. They see two people lying dead on the floor. The victims are holding a piece of weed each. Their eyes are red and their skin is dry.

One officer turns to the other and says: "Looks like a joint suicide."

Score: 62

A boy asks his mom: "Why is my skin so much darker than yours and Dad's?" ... she says: "That was a pretty wild orgy, be glad you don't bark"

Score: 55

Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin and eat them, they die.

Score: 49

I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any more children. Apparently a vasectomy doesn't stop you from having children, it only changes the colour of their skin.

Score: 48

I took my dad to one of them spas where the fish eat your dead skin. It was £30 but cheaper than a funeral

Score: 46

What's the number one cause of dry skin? Towels.

Score: 45

What part of Popeye has the smoothest skin? The part he dips in Olive Oyl.

Score: 42

My skin is so oily that I'm afraid that one day America may invade it!

Score: 39

The other day I took my grandad to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin. It was way cheaper than having him buried in the cemetery.

Score: 39

Dave was born without eyelids so they circumcised him and used the skin. This left him a little cockeyed.

Score: 34

What does a gamer and a burn victim both say I can’t wait to try out my new skin

Score: 34

My mate took his Grandad to one of those fancy Health Spas, where tiny little fish eat all the dead skin. It cost him $35, but it was a lot cheaper than a funeral.

Score: 32

I took my grandma to a new spa.. I took my grandmother to a new spa where they have little fish eat away at your dead skin for only $40.

It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

Score: 27

A woman is looking at herself in the mirror "Ugh I look so old! My skin is sagging, my hair is turning gray, I've got crows feet..."

Her husband says, "well, at least your eyesight is intact."

Score: 21

I really counted on my vasectomy to keep my girl from getting pregnant... but apparently it only changes the baby's skin color...

Score: 20

Racism is stupid. Why hate a person based on his/her skin color? If you just took the time to know them as a person, you can find a whole lot of other things to hate them for.

Score: 18

What’s the first thing Micheal Jackson does when playing Minecraft? He changes his skin.

Score: 17

Why don’t skeletons ever get mad at anyone? Because they never let anything under their skin.

Score: 15

How do you circumcise a whale? Well, first, you need four skin-divers...

Score: 10

Did you hear the story about skin-toned bathing suits? It was fake nudes.

Score: 9

Baby skin isn't as soft as they say it is. Or maybe my rug is fake...

(Repost but haven't seen it in awhile!)

Score: 9

I couldn't figure out which lotion to use for my skin condition. I tried asking my doctor... He just said "I don't wanna make any rash decisions ."

Score: 9

New Skin Jokes

What do you call an American that goes to India to "find themselves" Gora the explorer

(Gora means white/very light skin tones in Hindi)

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The fat girl went to the doctor and said " i have an itching skin problem " Doctor : you got 99 problems but the itch ain't one

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wHY DONT STUPID SRE PE0PLE DUMV 😬😬😬 bec AUS THEY HAVE MONKEY SKIN (0BAMA) 👴🏿👶🏿🤵🏿🤰🏿🙇🏿‍♂️🙋🏿‍♂️💁🏿‍♂️🙆🏿‍♀️🙅🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♂️🙍🏿‍♀️🙎🏿‍♀️👸🏿🤴🏿💂🏿‍♀️🧚🏿‍♀️-------->🐒🐵🙈🙉🙊🦍

Score: 0

What do you call somebody with a skin disease trying to make you believe they have a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow? A leper-con

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It's incredible; the way she looks up at me with her beautiful hazel eyee, how she cries for me when I leave, how soft she feels against my skin and most importantly, how she's not afraid to get frisky when we're in bed together. I really love my dog.

Score: 3

Animals have white skin too. Animal crackers, as my grandma likes to call them.

Score: 1

What is it called when a Snake can’t change its outer skin anymore? A reptile dysfunction.

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What does a cannibalistic football player say to his teammates before a high five? “Give me some skin!”

Score: 7

Do you know the biggest cause of dry skin? Towels.

Score: 6

Did you know that Harry Houdini struggled mightily with acne growing up? His skin was always breaking out.

Score: 3

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a pumpkin? Both are orange and wrinkled but a pumpkin has thicker skin.

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Why are skeletons so calm? Because you can’t get under their skin

Score: 4

All of my coworkers seem to have large blisters on their skin. I think it's a staff infection.

Score: 4

I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin. It was way cheaper than having a funeral.

Score: 6

What do you do when your skin cells go on strike? You hire some scabs to do their work

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What common skin condition do teenage shaolin monks get? Chi-zits

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What's a matadors choice skin moisturizer? "Olay"

(I made it up- unsure if I'm the first but I doubt it)

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What is the leading cause of dry skin? Towels.

Score: 8

My wife hates it when I make jokes about anorexia. I guess her skin is also too thin.

Score: 1

A blue fish looks at an Indian takeaway menu, unsure about what to get. The assistant points his finger at one of the options and says, "Would you like a Tandoori?"

"No, I'm happy with my skin colour," replies the fish.

Score: 1

My doctor told me, "I'd like to prescribe a topical ointment to take care of that skin condition." "Hold on, now, doc," I said. "Let's not make any rash decisions."

Score: 3

What color is jam in Germany? The skin is brown and the inside is orange.

Score: 1

What'd the doctor say to the nurse about skin patients? Don't make any rash decisions.

Score: 3

TIL that Dermatologists are not good people Their care for you is only skin deep.

*Thank ButIamARobot for the idea!

Score: 5

I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

Score: 1

I've got quite thick skin I could probably count the number of paper cuts I've ever had on one hand

Score: 3

some people say I can be overbearing... But what else am I supposed to do with Smokey and Yogi, and Fuzzy Wuzzy with his skin condition?

Score: 1

What's black, has smooth skin, and drives women more and more wild the bigger it is? A wallet

Score: 5

I told my wife, "When you die I'm gonna wear your skin." She said, "You're putting me on."

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Peter Parker is bitten by radioactive skin care products and becomes... ...THE AMAZING SPIDERMATOLOGIST!

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Want a costume that doesn't show too much skin this Halloween? Dress up as a skeleton.

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What do you call a person who's skin falls off while robbing you? Leper-con. Happy st pattys day!

Score: 5

My friend asked for a "skin colored" pencil I gave him a brown pencil.

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A guy tries to pick up chix at a anorexic and skin condition support group. He's disappointed... It was slim pickins.

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My friend is trying to convince me to replace all my skin with a plush brown material But I won't be suede

Score: 3

Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus They say its bark is worse than its bite.

Score: 3

On a scale of 1 to 4, how much skin does an Italian Christian have? Four skin

Score: 1

Water is the cure to everything in life If you need to lose weight, drink water. If you need clearer skin, drink water. If your tired of your wife, drown her.

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Q: How do you circumcise a whale? A: You send down five skin divers.

Score: 3

A riddle Who's got orange skin, poor speaking skills, is overwhelmingly disliked and is in over his head?

Yeah, I know, too easy right?

It's Jar Jar Binks

Score: 7

What do you use to circumcise a whale? Four skin divers.

Score: 6

It has been reported that tattoos can make the new Apple watch malfunction.. An apple spokesman has said that this is caused by a new anti-theft security feature that shuts down the watch when it detects the wearer has dark skin.

Score: 2