Software Jokes

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement... ...in the end, you ignore it all and click "I agree".

Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles. I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement. In the end, you ignore it all and click “I agree”.

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement. In the end you ignore it all and just click "I agree"

To most religious people, the holy books are like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree"

I am a programmer. A journalist asked me what makes a software code bad. I said... No comment

Arguing with a woman is like reading the Software License Agreement In the end, you ignore everything and click "I Agree".

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement In the end you ignore it all, wait for the end and click "I agree"

Some people are like a software update Some people are like a software update . When I see them I think ” Not now ”

Talking with your girlfriend is just like software installation EULA you just scroll down waiting for it to finish and agree without understanding what it says

I like my women the way I like my software Without any viruses and I don't have to pay

A Software Programmer is going to the store..... His wife says "get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen."
The guy comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
His wife says "why did you get so much bread?"
He says, "they had eggs.

Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, that's a hardware problem.

There are tons of girls in my software engineering class... ...just not very many of them.

Arguing with a woman is like reading the software licence agreement. In the end you ignore everything and click I agree.

How many software developers does it take to fix a light bulb? none, its a hardware issue.

I see that software legend Photoshop is turning 25 this week. Actually, it's turning 38. It just looks 25.

Today I pitched a new web software to Apple to replace Safari... it raised a few iBrowse :(

When Microsoft and Apple ship faulty products Microsoft: We will fix that faulty battery timer through a software update. *never fixes it though*

Apple: *quietly removes the battery timer*

How many Software Engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None- that's hardware.

How can you tell when a Software Developer is an extrovert ? He looks at *your* shoes when he's talking to you.

How a phone recall works. Samsung: Send us your exploding phone.

Microsoft/Nokia: A software update will fix that.

Apple: You are using it wrong.

To the software thieves who robbed me last night. Don't think you can get away with taking Microsoft Office away from me. I will find you. You have my Word.

Hey girl are you a software update Because not now

Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, “Not now.”

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None. That's a hardware problem.

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement In the end you just ignore everything and admit "I agree"

The inventor if the anti-virus software has been charged with murder. They expect the trial to last 30 days

Ford is creating a new company to manufacture electric vehicles using Tesla software and batteries. They're naming it Edison.

Why did the software developer go broke? He used up all his cache !

A software testing engineer walks into a bar. and he orders a beer, Orders 0 beer, orders 32769 beers, orders 99999999 beers, orders a lizard, orders -1 beers, orders gksbfkagfiau.

What's the difference between hardware and software? About two or three inches.

How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a hardware problem.

How much food does a software engineer eat a day? A couple of bytes

Was playing with a new animation software but forgot to add any dialogue. It rendered me speechless.

Some friends who are software engineers invited me to go see a movie with them, but when we met up I found them staring at a centipede. I asked when we were going to see the movie.

They replied that the centipede was a feature, not a bug.

What's the difference between a software engineer and a civil engineer? Ctrl-Z

What did the hamster tell the software engineer? "Trust me! All your problems can be solved by doing something in a loop"

What do you tell software engineers when they fail? Git better next time.