Hilarious Speech Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Speech Jokes

Score: 1285

What did Melania Trump say to her speech writer? Thanks, Obama.

Score: 871

America is racist When Barack Obama gives his speech, he stands behind a bulletproof glass . That shows how racist America still is.

Just because he's black, doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone

Thanks Frankie Boyle

Score: 710

Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press. Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.

Score: 624

Obvious media bias Michelle Obama gives a speech when her husband is being nominated, and the media is generally positive. Melania Trump gives the exact same speech, and the media pretends it's some kind of scandal.

Score: 332

This speech will be very hard for Hillary Clinton... She isn't getting paid for it

Score: 264

What do you call an Italian with a broken arm? Speech impaired.

Score: 250

How do I know China has Free Speech? No one says otherwise.

Score: 240

A man is asked to give a speech on rape... He stands up and says "Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure..."

Then sat down.

Score: 171

What’s the difference between someone who doesn’t understand figures of speech, and a burglar? The first takes things literally. The other takes things, literally

Score: 138

Donald Trump had a great inauguration speech It sounds like he Putin a lot of practice

Score: 114

Mini-Skirt Speech My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!

Score: 105

What does an Italian have when he is missing one arm? A severe speech impediment.

Score: 103

A microwave and a refrigerator get married. Who gives the speech? The Toaster.

Score: 97

I'm the best man at my buddy's second wedding... Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with "Welcome back everyone"

Score: 90

To all the haters out there, I think Melania Trump's speech hit all the right keys. Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V

Score: 86

Michelle Obama gave a great speech last night I can't wait to hear it again at the next Republican National Convention.

Score: 66

Ancient Soviet joke Guy turns on the TV and there's Brezhnev making a speech. He changes the channel, there's Brezhnev again, and tries again and on the next channel is a KGB officer saying - 'You'd better stop changing channels'.

Score: 51

During my wedding speech, I told everyone who is married to stand next to the one person that has made their life worth living. The bartender was almost trampled to death.

Score: 46

What do you call an Italian with one arm? Speech impaired.

Score: 42

Everything in the world is easier said than done Unless you have a speech impediment.

Score: 41

What's 18 inches long and never gets used? Leonardo DiCaprio's acceptance speech.

Score: 40

arm's length what do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
a speech impediment

Score: 33

What did Donald Trump say to the thieving immigrant at the RNC? Great speech sweetheart!

Score: 32

A flat earther snuck into a physics seminar While the speaker was giving speech on recent development about gravity, flat earther shouted

" Why do you even think that gravity is real? "

Speaker dropped the mic.

Score: 31

When Obama made his inaugural speech, they put him behind bulletproof glass. And that's proof of the racism that still exists in America today. I mean, just because he's black, doesn't mean he was going to go and shoot everybody.

Score: 29

Stalin is giving a speech. And someone sneezes.

Stalin: Who sneezed?
No answer.
Stalin: First row outside.
*Gunshots*
Stalin: Who sneezed?
No answer.
Stalin: Second row outside.
*Gunshots*
Stalin: Who sneezed?
Attendee, crying: "I SNEEZED!"
Stalin: Bless you!

Score: 29

What goes “quack, quack, quack?” A junkie with a speech impediment

Score: 29

15 Year Old Teenager: "I love the US! It's the land of freedom and opportunity! We even have freedom of speech!" CNN: "Hold my beer."

Score: 28

When is the Speech Therapy Class? It's hard to say.

Score: 26

In North Korea, you actually do get freedom of speech. Just not freedom *after* your speech.

Score: 12

There's a lot of anger out there about the MLK speech/Dodge Ram Superbowl ad... Kylie Jenner should hand out some Pepsi to calm things down.

Score: 10

I was having trouble writing my farewell speech... A guy said, "If you give me $20 I'll write the speech for you."
I said, "That's a good buy."

Score: 9

How do you host an amnesia support group on a budget? The moment they show up, tell them the meeting went great and their speech was inspiring.

Score: 8

Did you hear about that psychologist’s awesome speech last night? It was amazing! The crowd was really eating it up. Everyone was going absolutely sane.

Score: 8

So Germany is going to fine companies that fail to remove hate speech and terrorist related content... Maybe instead of companies like YouTube manually checking videos, they should just Autobahn.

Score: 8

What do you call a world renowned linguist? A figure of speech.

Score: 8

I saw a policeman give a speech on herion the other day.... Couldn't understand a word he was saying.

Edit: it has come to my attention that herion is apparently not what I meant to type.

Score: 7

How do you take away an Italian's freedom of speech? Handcuff them

Score: 6

Google announced a better speech recognition rate for its AI than for humans. I really love Google! It understands me.

Score: 6

New Speech Jokes

Jared Fogle visited my elementary school last week and gave a really emotional speech. I was touched.

Score: 0

Have you heard of that new podcast featuring inmates who went to jail for a short period of time and people suffering from speech impediments? They call it “Barely a sentence”

Score: 0

What did the Australian say when his hangover was making it hard to pay attention to US president Eisenhauer’s speech? I’ve gotta heed Ike!

Score: 2

I wrote a book about a transgendered person with a speech impediment I call it: man or myth

*credit to comedian: Stewart Francis for writing the joke*

Score: 2

It wouldnt be a true Alabama wedding without a speech from the father Of the bride and groom.

Score: 2

One Soviet Soldier asks another, “What is the difference between the United States constitution and the Soviet constitution? They both guarantee the freedom of speech.”

The other soldier answers, “One grants freedom after the speech.”

Score: 2

Did you guys hear Bill’s recent speech about climate change? Truly, the end is nye.

Score: 1

I spent so much money on my speech therapist that she could afford to buy a yacht She called it the S. S. Stutter

Score: 2

Another woman came forward today about Joe Biden... She was touched by his speech.

Score: 1

My friend was giving a speech on the benefits of communism at an auditorium But he kept Stalin

Score: 5

I vacationed to an island for the deaf The people there enjoyed all the rights of any of us, but the freedom of speech was not aloud

Score: 6

As a woman, I attended a speech disapproving the sexualisation of women. However, I thought that women should be sexualized.

They wanted to know my opinion.

I said, "I object."

Score: 3

I'm not exactly sure when US relations will recover after Trump's speech ... but I think it's gonna be a long long time

Score: 2

Why did the janitor with a speech impediment miss his shift? He overswept

Score: 4

comrade, what is difference between constitution of Russian motherland and the Finland? Both constitutions guarantee freedom of speech, but only in finland do you get freedom after speech.

Score: 2

What do you call an Italian with only one hand? Speech impediment.

Score: 5

Need-a-joke: The English language is like ________, there are lots of rules and ______________. Not sure if this is kosher here, but I need a joke for a student's speech I'm helping with, something about English and rules.

Score: 3

How did Jeb Bush end his speech at Bronycon? *Please Clop*

Score: 2

My teacher touched me today never have I been so inspired by a speech.

Score: 2

My college acceptance speech: I'd like to thank Bigfoot for believing in me even though I never believed in him.

Score: 2

As a person with a speech impediment, I enjoy telling online jokes They're more of my type.

Score: 2

I was really moved by Trump's Inauguration, I walked right out in the middle of his speech..

Score: 4

School is like a dystopia You aren't allowed to think outside the box, you don't have the freedom of speech, and you can't gamble or have strippers come to your lunch room.

Score: 2

So my friend told me he needed some help to recognize speech... I was furious and said, "Are you insane? Why would you wreck it? Don't you like beaches?"

Score: 4

A paperclip walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the pointy face?" The paperclip, incapable of human speech, forms a long, thin sliver of metal and stabs the bartender to death.

Score: 3

Army Movie Intro Speech... His name was Jack Parts.

He joined the army just like his old man.

He was now known as Private Parts.

Score: 2

An employee goes to the funeral of his boss that passed away, and decided to give a small speech ''He was the best boss I have ever had, he was friendly, smart and great at what he does... And this says a lot because I have a wife.''

Score: 1

Ever hear that black people have a speech impediment? Not true, its just a myff.

Score: 1

Some people seem to tell me I have a speech ingredient... Impediment*

Score: 2

Trump had a very calm considerate speech for the election Can we confirm Michelle Obama did not write it?

Score: 1

I knew something wasn't right with Melania Trump's speech... ... when she came out on stage in blackface and referred to her daughters Malia and Natasha.

Score: 1