Stressed Jokes

I've been so stressed recently I've been doing that Chinese thing with the needles. You know...heroin.

I've been so stressed lately. I've been doing that Chinese remedy, with the needles You know, Heroin

Why are deep sea fish always so stressed? Because they're under a lot of pressure.

I've been feeling really stressed lately, so my doctor advised me that before going to bed, I should drink two glasses of red wine, after a hot bath, but to be honest, it's not really helping at all... ...I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.

My neighbours are getting really stressed out
because I keep indulging my window fetish. I feel their pane.

I don't understand why women get so angry and stressed on their period. It's such an ovary action

My wife walked into the house after a long day at work. She looked tired and stressed. I said, " Did anyone tell you, you look beautiful?" She smiled and said, " No"

I said, "One day, one day"

Whenever I'm feeling stressed I go to the house of mirrors... I find it's a really great place to reflect.

I got fired for getting stressed and kicking the project I was working on. I'm sorry, but defusing bombs just makes me really stressed.

What do you say to an angry woman sitting at a sewing machine? You seem stressed.

The T-Rex waiters and waitresses at the restaurant seemed really stressed out I guess they must have been short-handed

I've been so stressed, I decided to finally try that Asian relaxing technique with the needles. Heroin

Why do fish gets stressed ? Current events

Everything about buying a new mattress has gotten me so stressed out. I figured I'd sleep on it.

I used to rub and tie my hair together whenever I got stressed. Now I’m dreading the consequences.

If you were stressed out yesterday Does that make you past tense?

What is the easiest way for a stressed astronaut to unwind and decompress? By opening the door.

My girlfriend has been trying new things in the bedroom lately.. ...I have a headache, I'm stressed, and I've eaten too much are among her many new techniques.

Whenever I’m stressed, I lay my head on my keyboard and scream. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

What do you call Darth vader when he's stressed Panickin Skywalker

Was asking my EOD friend... "Don't you ever get stressed out on your job?"

He shrugged his shoulders and replied "No, I'm never stressed out. The way I see it is I'm either right or suddenly it's not my problem anymore."

Stressed? Anxious? Unhappy? Ask your doctor if alcoholism is right for you.

On a flight from Dubai to NYC, I met a cheerful gentleman from Pakistani. He stressed that Pakistan is now a new country, peaceful & totally against terrorism To prove his point, he decided not to hijack the plane.

I've been so stressed that I started doing that Chinese needle therapy. You know the one... Heroin.

My mom entered my room and found me all stressed out facing my PC. "Having trouble with your computer?" she asked.
"Yes, it seems not to find the new printer," I replied.

My mum looked round my room then replied, "I'm not surprised. Look how messy your room is."

Dogs are getting stressed and confused because they’ve noticed their owners are now wearing masks Cats are unaffected though as they’re yet to notice their owners at all

Why was the computer stressed out when it got home from work? 'Cause it had a hard drive.

What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake? I've been really stressed out lately, I know it's not your fault, but please stop cracking jokes about me

What did the stressed-out casino worker say to their boss? I literally cannot deal.

Stressed over finals? That's fine. Just make sure your suicide note is in MLA format.

I told my doctor I was getting really stressed out about my chronic constipation. He prescribed me a relaxative.

What was the stressed out toddler diagnosed with? Diapertension

Why did a lizard feel so stressed? ..Its life had too many de-tails.

Why wasn't the rancher stressed when his cows had really short legs? The steaks were low.

My girlfriend is really stressed about her geometry test coming up I told her not to run herself in circles over it

My friend was stressed before a party. "Why is my weed dealer *always* late, but my coke dealer early?" he said.

"Your coke dealer is the faster driver," I replied. "And the weed dealer is probably still laughing at the gear stick."

TIL If coral get too stressed, they die. Their primary source of stress? Current events

Why was the young mosquito up all night and stressed out? He was studying for a blood test

What do stressed out plants do? They just go with the phloem.