Superman Jokes

My friend said to me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I said, “That’s Superman.” He said, “Thanks man, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common? Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...

A buddy said to me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” - I said, “That’s Superman.”


He said, “Thanks man, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

Batman Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."

"Go on then" the second one says.

"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"

The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"

"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

You want to know what's the most unrealistic thing from Batman V superman? (not a spoiler) A democratic senator from Kentucky.

Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest? Because not all heroes wear caps.

Why doesn't Superman need a boss? (OC) He already has supervision.

What's the Mummy's plan to destroy Superman? He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.

What do Superman and Bloods have in common? They're both getting killed by a Kryptonite.

I almost got killed because my Superman cloak wasn't the correct size. It was a narrow "S" cape.

What do Superman and a politician have in common? They both wear a suit and tie when they pretend to be human.

How does the mummy plan to destroy Superman? He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.

As she lay there in screaming agony... her body covered in fatal burns, Superman knew this was the first and last time he would try to undress a woman with his eyes.

What does Superman put in his drink? Just ice.

So I was at the club They played crank that, and I did the Superman.

They played the Cupid shuffle, so I did the Cupid shuffle.

They played Come on Eileen, and I got kicked out of the club.

Got thrown out of the theatre during the Superman movie... ... but I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses.

Which city is the South African Superman from? Cape Town

I hear Superman is a very overprotective parent. His kids are under constant super-vision.

Why is Batman jealous of Superman? Superman got adopted.

What's the one currency superman can't hold? Kryptocurrency.

You know why Superman would be the best candidate for a management position? Supervision.

What does a horse and kryptonite have in common? They both paralyze superman

Crime And Violence When I think about it, we are the ones to blame for all the crime and violence we have today, after all, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to get changed.

What was the money called on Superman’s home planet? Kryptoncurrency

Superman got a divorce... He can only see his kids with super vision now.

As anyone with a journalism degree will tell you... The fact Superman got a job with a newspaper at the end is the strangest thing to happen in that movie.

What is the one thing batman and superman don't have to worry about? Dad Jokes.

Why does Superman only daytrade bitcoin? Because he can’t go near crypto@night

More valuable than Superman The clear history button in your browser has saved more lives than Superman.

What does Jewish Superman say when he takes off ? Up Up and Oy Vey !

(For some reason this is just fun to say out loud)

I was throwing a ball with my dog when Superman came around and threw it. Sounds pretty far fetched.

Chuck Norris and Superman arm wrestled... Loser had to wear his underwear over his pants till the rest of his life.

Why did superman join the bloods? Cause he doesn't wanna crip-tonight

Why did the blind kid who pretended to be Superman keep running into walls? He had no supervision.

Superman: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, and more powerful than a locomotive" Batman: "I fight a penguin and a really persistent clown"

Batman impressionist Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?"

"Go on then"

"NOT THE KRYPTONITE!"

"That's Superman"

"Thanks, I've been practicing."

Why does vampire Superman want to go out? Because he doesn't want to be around the crypt tonight.

(you can tell i made that up)

Why does Superman hate trading bitcoin after 7:00p.m? Because it’s crypto-nite

Why has no one ever pulled a “your mom” joke on Batman or Superman? Oh...right...