Contents
Contents
Why was the blonde snorting Sweet and Low? She thought it was diet coke.
drug-sniffing dog
Me: "Sweet dog you got there"
Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog."
Me: "Still in training, huh?"
Policeman: "What do you mean?"
Me: "Nevermind"
Whenever I see two lovers names carved into a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I think it's shocking how many people bring a knife on a date.
I invited my girlfriend of 3 months to a party for my 13 year old nephew. She let out an audible "awww," told me how sweet I was and that my invitation meant the world to her. Should've seen the look on her face when I told her it was a search party.
How do you get a sweet little old lady to say F***? Get another one to yell BINGO
My boss was honest with me today. He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."
My boss pulled up to work in his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied: "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."
I had a date tonight. It was pretty sweet. Next, I’m going to try a fig.
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal." "Until the pressure got to him."
When I see.... ...lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
When I see lovers' nαmes cαrved in α tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how mαny people bring a knife on a dαte.
At a First Date Conversation
At a first date:
He: “I work with animals every day!”
She: “Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?”
He: “I’m a butcher.”
Boy: *Kissing girl on couch* You wanna take this upstairs?
Girl: Hehe sure baby
Boy: Sweet! Grab the other end, I can't carry it by myself
When I see lover's names carved in a tree... I don't think it's sweet. I'm just surprised of how many people bring knives on a date.
My doctor told me today that I was too sweet. Well, her exact words were, "severely diabetic", but I knew what she meant.
"I looked up into the sky and matched each star with a reason why I love you."
"That's so sweet."
"Not particularly. It was daytime."
Why cant diabetics have vengeance? Because vengeance is sweet.
Vader has a pretty sweet suit. It must have cost at least an arm and a leg.
Why did the Blonde snort Sweet & Low? She thought it was Diet Coke!
Sweet dreams are made of cheese... Who am I to diss a brie?
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree.. When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
Little girl at the hospital: "Nurse, you've been so kind and sweet to me. Would you please come and visit me when I get out of the hospital?" Nurse: "Nah, graveyards give me the creeps"
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
I asked my Asian girlfriend for 69 She made me crunchy sweet and sour pork with double rice
My wife is so sweet Every time she goes to a bar alone she gives me her wedding ring so I can think about her all night long.
Lovers When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White?
'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.
*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*
My girlfriend is just like Bambi She's cute, sweet, innocent, and I want to shoot her mother
Not quite what she was expecting...
Guy: I work with animals every day!
Girl: That's so sweet! Are you a vet or a pet shop own-
Guy: I'm a butcher.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell “BINGO!”
A little girl tells Mommy, "When I grow up, I wanna be a feminist." The mother looks to her sweet, little daughter and says, "Sweetheart, you're going to have to pick one or the other. You can't do both."
I was in the bank the other day..
and this sweet old lady asked me if I could help check her balance.
So I pushed her and she fell over
Thor: Brother! What are you doing this weekend?
Loki: nothing, just hanging out
Thor: oh sweet! that sounds...
Loki: no
Thor: low key
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet at all. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
Why can't diabetics get revenge? Because revenge is sweet.
What is sweet and sticky and crosses the desert? A caramel
I was in the park, today, watching a sweet old lady feeding the birds Then I thought to myself: "I wonder how long she's been dead?"
When I see lover's names on a tree, I don't think it's sweet… … I think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
If your gunna tell a joke about a midget being smothered in honey.... Keep it short and sweet.
My husband is allergic to our cat, so I have to give him away :/ He's a sweet-natured ginger, comes when called, well-trained, and works in IT. 28 years old, answers to "Kevin".
You know what I love to do? I love losing myself in a good book while indulging in my favorite sweet hot drink. My novel tea.
What does a frog with sweet tooth eat for lunch? Moskittles.
In need of some good knock knock jokes Long story short, bringing a door to my friends party, what are some sweet knock knock jokes I can pull?
A brother and sister, and husband and wife, are sitting in the living room listening to the radio. Suddenly, “Sweet Home Alabama” started playing. The two looked at each other and exclaimed, “Our song!”
Why do jewish people love breaking their fast with sweet potatoes? So that they can properly celebrate Yam kippur.
What do you call a cute irishman A sweet potato
George W Bush likes his coffee likes he has his Secertary of State Black but not to sweet
Where to find a sweet dog? At a korean restarant.
I like my women like I like my snacks.. Cheesy, salty, a little sweet, and upset about my nutritional value per 50g servings.
What is...
A mathematician’s favorite song?
“Sines” (Sine, sine, everywhere a sine! Don’t do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sine?)
What about a baker?
“Sweet Emulsion”
Okay. Now a chemist?
“Can I Get a Litmus?”
Lastly, a genealogist?
“Rock of Ages”
I broke my g string while fingering a sweet minor On my guitar
A doctor is talk g with a little girl
The doctor says,
"You're like a honey bee!"
The little girl says,
"Why? Because I'm so sweet?"
The doctor replies,
" No, because you're dying at an alarming rate."
Yesterday, when my girlfriend came home, I said::
"Hi, Sweetie! I've got another riddle for you. What has four legs, and doesn't move?"
She answered: "That's easy... A chair!"
-"Wrong! It's your sweet Corgi-dog..."
How do you get a sweet, little old lady to shout out an F-bomb? You get another sweet, little old lady to yell out "Bingo!"
I use to call my wife "my sweet" She developed diabetes.. So now I call her "my sweetener"
An Omegle conversation
Me: My dad died on this day in 2001, he called me to say 2 words before dying.
Stranger: Ohh, that's so sweet! What were his words?
Me: Allahu Akbar
To the Girl I Kissed Last
Here's to the girl that I kissed last…
She didn't kiss slowly nor did she kiss fast…
But she kissed so long and...
She kissed so sweet…
She made things stand that had no feet!
What does a diabetic's blood taste like? Sweet irony
Sour patch kids remind me of my mom. She was sour, sweet, then gone.
What do you call a nice down syndrome person? Sweet potato.
When I was a kid I used to find sweet notes in my lunch at school But that stopped after they fired the cafeteria worker
An ice cube decided to wear a new hat
A nice man saw this, and said to the ice cube: "Looking solid, dude!"
The ice cube absolutely melted at this sweet compliment.
Now he's looking liquid, dude.
Low sugar Swedish fish If they make a low sugar swedish fish, would it be Sweet-Ish Swedish-ish fish?
A chinese man walked his dog.
He met another man who had a dog as well and they had a little chat.
**Other Man**:"Your dog looks so cute, what´s his name ? My dog is called Jack."
**Chinese Man**: "Number 32 sweet & sour with rice and mixed vegetables"
When you see lovers names carved into a tree, Do you think that's sweet, or do you worry that people bring knives on dates
Some people tell me that I'm too sweet to be a potato... But I just can't help it, I yam what I yam.
Some men are like donuts Sweet and tasty looking but once inside, you feel only regret...
Did you hear about the man that robbed the sweet shop? A Bounty was placed on his head
Why was Snow White fired from Disney? Because she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face, singing 'Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies!'
When I see lovers' names carved into a tree I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
Uh, hi. Yeah, I'll have a six-inch Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki on Honey Oat, please. No, thanks, no double meat or cheese. Yeah, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, banana peppers, and..." *checks phone* Oh, shoot. Wrong sub.
Ricky sent SMS to his BOSS: "Me sick, no work"
Boss SMS back:
"When I am sick I kiss my wife try it"
2 hours later Ricky sms 2 boss:
"Me ok, ur wife very sweet"
How do you get a friendly 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Bring a Knife on a Date! When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
Why was Jim Jones the best fighter in the world?
Because he knocked out an entire town with a single punch.
^stolen ^from ^u/MyAverageDick ^for ^sweet ^sweet ^karma.
Switzerland is a pretty sweet country... and their flag's a big plus.
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